Thursday, February 25, 2010

4 weeks and counting

Oh we simply cannot go on like this; the absenteeism and lack of emotional content is just killing me. If I can't manage to squeeze a sentence out for nearly two months just think what it would be like if I was a full-time student. Yes, keep thinking about that.

It could mean that I would actually post more often. Then again, perhaps not.

And I have so much to relay and there I've gone and let it all pile up like so much....piled up stuff...it seems daunting to try and say it all so I'll just hit the high points:

I'm going back to school as a full-time student (oh yes brilliance with the foreshadowing). Starting Spring term, at the end of March (tomorrow is new student orientation - then I'll be able to register for classes! yee!).

I am top-drawer thrilled about this. I had to travel around the world and back to figure out what I wanted to do, so it was worth it. Completely re-energized and fizzed-up about my decision. So, for the last couple of months I've been studying math for placement testing (which I'm glad I did; otherwise I'd be in sub-remedial classes for years); sending for transcripts; filling out FAFSA and scholarships (which means writing booty-loads of essays....how do students apply for scholarships and go to school?! I guess I'll find out) and

drawing a lot.

I mean every day. Gestures and more gestures. I'm going back to school for a BFA (yes, in Art) and then I'll be able to apply for an MLS program (Master of Library Science). So I'm totally knuckling down and learning to draw....I mean the fundamentals, the stuff that's like learning your letters as a kid. It's completely frustrating, and completely glorious. I'm doing this pre-college self-directed study to help me hone in on how to concentrate and to re-inforce the commitment I'm making to myself, to art, and um....yeah basically to Life and the Here and Now, as cheesy as it sounds.

I even accepted some Stafford Loans, which is a HUGE deal for me, since I haven't been in debt in YEARS...the only debt I ever had was a car, and I paid that off years ago. I have this Thing about Debt, as in, a sort of pride along with great reluctance to accumulate any debt and thank god I haven't had any major hospital bills to wipe out my savings...but I decided what the hell, I finally figured out that if what I REALLY WANT is to be an artist (a paid and professional artist), and going to school will give me the structure, mentorship (hopefully), opportunities and the kind of thrust I need to get off my ass and believe in myself....then I'll take the loans (since I haven't landed a job yet despite numerous attempts).

There's a chunky opportunity for a Pell grant too, which will pay for tuition and most of the books. But there's living expenses of course, so I'm hoping for scholarships and minimal leaning on loans.

That's the big news.

In other news.....this mole popped out on my neck so I'm going to the clinic to have it removed and biopsied. I'm not freaking out; I'm taking care of it so I don't freak out.

I saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox and I can't stop raving about it. One of the best films EVER, and it's stop-motion animation to boot.

Tonight at New Zone Gallery is figure drawing for five bucks. I've gone to three UofO figure drawing sessions (free and open to the public though designed for UofO art students) and I LOVE THEM. I've never felt confident enough to go to live drawing sessions....now I am accepting that my art looks like shit while I learn how to put a human body together again. Actually there are times when I love the lines I make, but for the most part, the drawing I'm doing isn't anything I like to gaze upon with wonder and awe, which is a nice blow to the ego. It's actually quite psychically horrific, and funny.

But things are falling in place, every day. People are super supportive and excited for me in this collegiate decision and the new direction I'm going in. Little things happen every day that are very cool. I will endeavor to write more often about those cool things. Here is one that happened today: I placed an ad on our FreeRecycle board (online, it's a Yahoo group) - Wanted: Paper. Buying pads of paper is way too fucking expensive to be doing at this stage in the game for me. I go through reams of it, all for one-minute or two-minute drawings. So I've been raiding copy shops and cutting up paper bags. Well a very cool and kind lady answered my ad for paper, rounded up several rolls of end-newsprint from our local newspaper and even DELIVERED them to me (since I am on bike, and since I also do not have a big trailer to haul that kind of stuff around in). She also gave me several tips on children's book writing and illustrating, various organizations and grants, that sort of thing. I didn't even tell her that's what I want to do.........she saw some of my art on the walls here but my jaw dropped when she started talking illustration.

The largess of certain people on the planet astonishes!! And I mean generosity in terms of time, energy, and resources, not just the moolah. The less I'm afraid of not having enough, and just giving anyway, and living as though I already do and always will have enough......the more wealthy I am, as cheesy as THAT sounds....it's true.

I'll post some pics at some point; meantime you can see my doodles and sophomoric gesture drawing samples on flickr.

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