What a super happy fun sized mixed bag kind of a week, kids:
Gears of democracy grind along with a TitleIX (sexual harassment) complaint I filed at work several weeks ago (at the time, I did not know that others had filed similar grievances). Thinking a lot about how it is possible to feel simultaneously deleted/minimized and ubervisible/augmented (how being seen as on display accomplishes all of that); how something visited upon my body (the hetero-male proprietary up-and-down gaze, for an example) induces shame in me and not in the one who is raking; and how the gender binary and other social and cultural mores and constructs play into this whole thing. (While I don't bind, I dress down and de-emphasize feminine curves; my hair is short and by common agreements is what we recognize as 'boy cut' (go, Me!); and still, when read as female, there are times when guys do weird and inappropriate shit.)
A favorite author of mine blocked me on Twitter. Uhhhh....what. I'm all compliments in the smattering of wordsmithy comments I've offered, so I haven't yet fathomed how this came to be but am Processing Feelings About It as we speak. And starting to pull out of the subsequent nosedive handily, I may add, by making Art out of it, among other things (go, Me!).
(Is Mercury in retrograde?!)
I applied for a Libary Assistant 2 position at the downtown public library and didn't score an interview. Which is a massive head-scratcher (I know how this works, spent eight hours on the application, and have worked for The City Library before), and I shed a few frustrated tears while walking home on Thursday after I spoke with HR to find out why the dickens it was taking so long to schedule said interviews. (the good news is, I am on 'the back burner', so if they do decide to keep a few of us in reserve for an applicant pool, they will call me for an interview...Go, me!)
Rewatching Downton Abbey is a different experience for me now, after thinking much more about gendered acts, performances, and roles; and reading many books on gender theory, feminism, and the general patriarchical farce we call Life As We Know It in the Broader Community. I still adore it (Downton Abbey), but am seeing it with newly peeled eyes.
Today I made a purple sweet potato pie. I've never used purples! It tastes great. I sniffled a little bit as my hands, almost of their own volition (or maybe having a sweet secret convo with mon coeur), cut out hearts from the extra dough and made this for myself. I love yououuuu, love, Me.