tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-204172002024-03-07T06:05:36.155-08:00a thousand facesWhat is she talking about?Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.comBlogger628125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-19494907670104972562019-11-08T18:58:00.001-08:002019-11-10T07:58:40.951-08:00Give a little bit<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHsSqoYNhVY4bR3BHNtbnxSVYtRXsYAoGcL3uFeSc8gvpxqPJ9Z8M58u7S_wJuTmqmwqFttPF5aA0TM4RP69XCy0zSKRPm4vk3UEt0e-FqvuXlZsWX4OorCrIr71a4qHGgFFAY/s1600/this+week+tonight.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="470" data-original-width="456" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHsSqoYNhVY4bR3BHNtbnxSVYtRXsYAoGcL3uFeSc8gvpxqPJ9Z8M58u7S_wJuTmqmwqFttPF5aA0TM4RP69XCy0zSKRPm4vk3UEt0e-FqvuXlZsWX4OorCrIr71a4qHGgFFAY/s200/this+week+tonight.png" width="193" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
What a super happy fun sized mixed bag kind of a week, kids:<br />
<br />
Gears of democracy grind along with a TitleIX (sexual harassment) complaint I filed at work several weeks ago (at the time, I did not know that others had filed similar grievances). Thinking a lot about how it is possible to feel simultaneously deleted/minimized and ubervisible/augmented (how being seen as on display accomplishes all of that); how something visited upon my body (the hetero-male proprietary up-and-down gaze, for an example) induces shame in <i>me</i> and not in the one who is raking; and how the gender binary and other social and cultural mores and constructs play into this whole thing. (While I don't bind, I dress down and de-emphasize feminine curves; my hair is short and by common agreements is what we recognize as 'boy cut' (go, Me!); and still, when read as female, there are times when guys do weird and inappropriate shit.) <br />
<br />
A favorite author of mine blocked me on Twitter. Uhhhh....what. I'm all compliments in the smattering of wordsmithy comments I've offered, so I haven't yet fathomed how this came to be but am Processing Feelings About It as we speak. And starting to pull out of the subsequent nosedive handily, I may add, by making Art out of it, among other things (go, Me!).<br />
<br />
(Is Mercury in retrograde?!)<br />
<br />
I applied for a Libary Assistant 2 position at the downtown public library and didn't score an interview. Which is a massive head-scratcher (I know how this works, spent eight hours on the application, and have worked for The City Library before), and I shed a few frustrated tears while walking home on Thursday after I spoke with HR to find out why the dickens it was taking so long to schedule said interviews. (the good news is, I am on 'the back burner', so if they do decide to keep a few of us in reserve for an applicant pool, they will call me for an interview...Go, me!)<br />
<br />
Rewatching Downton Abbey is a different experience for me now, after thinking much more about gendered acts, performances, and roles; and reading many books on gender theory, feminism, and the general patriarchical farce we call Life As We Know It in the Broader Community. I still adore it (Downton Abbey), but am seeing it with newly peeled eyes.<br />
<br />
<br />
Today I made a purple sweet potato pie. I've never used purples! It tastes great. I sniffled a little bit as my hands, almost of their own volition (or maybe having a sweet secret convo with mon coeur), cut out hearts from the extra dough and made this for myself. I love yououuuu, love, Me.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ16PmtVdPFOiWyFiMi4iOnLW4ppcwsVIVoeXUpaMcQeeM9lRx7dO7n2TkfrOZ0Cx7HYNaHzHV2Seq7N75KXrOZ_VtbvRaSC6bIypwmE2NwwIsVX6etgMcdmykdH1J8LswYsCo/s1600/sweetpotatopie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ16PmtVdPFOiWyFiMi4iOnLW4ppcwsVIVoeXUpaMcQeeM9lRx7dO7n2TkfrOZ0Cx7HYNaHzHV2Seq7N75KXrOZ_VtbvRaSC6bIypwmE2NwwIsVX6etgMcdmykdH1J8LswYsCo/s320/sweetpotatopie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-44435435717974219002019-10-19T19:10:00.002-07:002019-10-21T19:37:28.556-07:00Wild cows with wings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've recently joined what I now recognize as a legion. Thousands of us (I do daresay) who are majorly crushed-out on <a href="http://www.ivancoyote.com/" target="_blank">Ivan Coyote</a>, author of a half-dozen books published by Canada's <a href="https://arsenalpulp.com/" target="_blank">Arsenal Pulp Press</a>. But yeah not just crushed-out! -- also deeply appreciative of their sterling, generous, and funny AF approach to life and advocacy (for self and all others and othereds).<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm watching <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV5YjLwSqCs" target="_blank">You Are Here</a> from 2009 and Ivan is storytelling about 2 Mile Hill in Whitehorse and the marsh they cherish but speak about it in the kind of hushed tones that aren't precious and make you cringe but still make you sit up and listen good and prompt, with reverence. Few words delivered and you know how beautiful this place is and how intrinsic to a body's health and hale nature it is. They saw a lynx. <i>They saw a lynx. </i>It's a wild cat. A lynx.<i> Can you imagine. </i>The marsh is a nexus and a gateway and a cradle and a reservoir.<br />
<br />
And then it's backfilled to make way for a WalMart and a Starbucks and I had to stop watching and write this because I've not told anyone except the cashier at Kiva what happened early this summer when I was an innocent.<br />
<br />
I headed out that absurdly sunny morning with my usual gear. Sturdy pair of sneakers, denim shorts, tank top, backpack with provisions for an urban day or so out and about. I decided I'd hike up the near butte and then see what. So after the butte, I circled back into town from the northeast, crossing the railroad tracks by my least favorite clothing resell joint (Buffalo Exchange) (bunch of twats), very much looking forward to one of my favorite little avenues to stroll down on my way to the library.<br />
<br />
This half-block long oasis runs the length of a set of buildings that includes a day care. It's a brick building with character and dimension and there was a stationery store there for decades too. I like hearing the kids outside when I pass by; the yard is enclosed by a slatted fence so that I can't really see inside. It's all natural wood and I think a real sandbox though and the whole atmosphere is so amiable and I think I would have loved being there as a kid. In the seasons when the trees are all fletched out in green, the tall trees provide shade and presence; the lower shrubby trees add their own character. I like walking there because it's a cut-through and off the city street with cars; I just realized that it reminds me somehow of the canyons I loved roaming around in when I was 6 and 7 and 8 years old in San Diego.<br />
<br />
It takes all of three minutes to walk the length of this avenue.<br />
<br />
I approached it from my usual direction and as I turned the corner, what had been hidden from view erupted into the space before me. The trees had been cut down and the lot adjacent ravaged. It was ugly. It was so abrupt. There was no more avenue. I had just been there a few days ago. All was well. I didn't even think that the new hotel going up on the next block had a foothold here. I hadn't read the local newspaper. I didn't think.<br />
<br />
I lost my shit. Completely and utterly. I crumpled right on the spot. I folded onto the ground, crouching and rocking. I must have looked unhinged. I was unhinged. I think a man passing by turned to look at me. I wasn't quiet. I moved my shellshocked self further down the wrecked lane, tucking myself into an alcove just past the daycare, and pulled out my hanky. I keep one of those with me in the summer for mopping up sweat.<br />
<br />
I couldn't stop crying, for a long time. Still squatting, feeling five years old in a fifty year old body, wailing in that way of very young children with snot streaming. I've personally never heard anyone cry like I do at my age, but fuck it, no one came around and I was so glad to be left alone with my grief but also really wanting to hold and be held by someone.<br />
<br />
Atrocities like this happen. All over the globe. I didn't see this one coming, and it's small-scale but immediately I started bawling my inner eye was like Google maps zooming out and seeing the ecological warfare traversing oceans and continents.<br />
<br />
It was quite some time before I could put myself together, and then I shouted a string of foul-mouthed curses because it was a way for me to feel less impotent. Grab that rage and pull it up from the pit of my gut and out my lungs and mouth.<br />
<br />
It'll never be the same, that avenue. It's gone forever.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: left;">They saw a lynx. </span><i style="text-align: left;">They saw a lynx. </i><span style="text-align: left;">It's a wild cat. A lynx.</span><i style="text-align: left;"> Can you imagine.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Today I saw a muttering of cows with wings crouched sentinel high up in a dead tree. I only saw them because I approached the bike path from a tributary I hadn't before, stopping for a pull off my HydroFlask and heard the low-throated lowing of I don't even know what they are! Like tiny shoe-bills or forsaken boobies. They're not buzzards or heron or seagulls or crows how can I not recognize these riparian fowl? </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGki1oXqTGwFBG9rrkNEnMsht_JK6dp_toj5WoxomEJzoSNDD5JL67OIMzfO0aRDIqw_scn3ZSbzAec7XThaQNDXXrttkqzjy-bVVA0mUXbzkTTycbkwx-S2wQuDsZonqqWf-p/s1600/what+are+you.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGki1oXqTGwFBG9rrkNEnMsht_JK6dp_toj5WoxomEJzoSNDD5JL67OIMzfO0aRDIqw_scn3ZSbzAec7XThaQNDXXrttkqzjy-bVVA0mUXbzkTTycbkwx-S2wQuDsZonqqWf-p/s320/what+are+you.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I did see a heron earlier though; and some crows; and a seagull, at least one; and I heard multitudes of other winged creatures, and the wind defrocking trees.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-91190855736095453972019-10-13T19:14:00.001-07:002019-10-19T20:11:50.028-07:00Thank you, my dear<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm loathe to admit this but I'm going to anyway: even as few as eighteen months ago...maybe even twelve...I wouldn't have thought much of some dude asking me for the time. But it went like this yesterday, and I have been thinking about it, and I'm gonna say something about it. Right now.<br />
<br />
I pulled in to Paul's Bicycle near the butte for some air. I like that they've fixed the public access compressed air hose and I can just wheel up and not even go inside. I'm bent over my tire (ass-end <i>away from the door and traffic</i>), squatting really, and a fragrant black man exits with his biking onesie and wheeling his wheels out.<br />
<br />
"You got the time?" he wafts over to me, in a straightforward way.<br />
<br />
"No. I don't even know what time I left the house," I say in a straightforward way, without smiling too much.<br />
<br />
He peels his cuff back from his wrist, "Oh I'm wearing a watch. Just didn't feel like looking."<br />
<br />
Inwardly I'm scrunching my face at him. I keep fussing with the hose and Presta valve. He intones, "The time is now...12:10! Have a nice day!"<br />
<br />
"You too, thanks," I reply. With a not-high and smiling voice. Just, you know, regular. Not feminine. I'm making sure of that. Not because he's black. Not because I feel menaced. Because I'm regulating my smiley vibes and not actually feeling smiley and hyper-aware of how much of my life I've spent doing a smiley thing especially around men. I offer, because it's true, and we are both obviously into our bicycles and riding them, and we are all a fellowship of bicyclists, "Beautiful day for a ride. Enjoy."<br />
<br />
"Thank you, my dear," and he coasts down the ramp.<br />
<br />
The thing is, interactions like this, with a particular sort of vibe, and intonation, and body talk, and perfumery, announce to me that this is about a peacock strutting. It's not particularly about me, or making a connection with another human being, with people who display like this. And I didn't feel particularly incensed (which surprised me).<br />
<br />
I was so glad that I wasn't effusive with my wishes for a good ride, that I wasn't indulgent. I did recognize that when he asked me for the time, part of my brain was thinking about where my flip phone was and I could haul it out of my inner bag and tell him the time - in tandem, my brain was thinking, "I'm sure there is a clock right on the other side of this wall as you leave the establishment," and then he simply pulled the wristcuff of his sleeve up.<br />
<br />
I mean, why would he ask me for the time? You tell me. I know what I think.<br />
<br />
And why did he ask me (he seemed straight, maybe he wasn't? maybe he thought I was straight? <i>the vibe was there but maybe it's like reverse gaydar and mine was broken that day but what about my gut feeeeeelings</i>)?? It must be the scarf. Or the leggings. Because otherwise I present as butch. Ish. I think. Or not femmy. I certainly did not turn my head to look at him when he came out of the shop.<br />
<br />
Sure! It <i>could be</i> that he just wanted to make a small polite conversation with someone. It <i>could be. </i>And that was probably part of it. But it's so weird to me. SO weird. The more I give guys less attention, the more it seems like they seek to make sure I have a reason to acknowledge them.<br />
<br />
On a related note:<br />
<br />
I was hanging out with some new friends a few weeks ago. Two sweet fun hilarious trans guys, married to each other (oh my god I love these guys) and a friend of theirs who had just finished up a really long bicycle tour. She had just spent four days on a train to arrive in Eugene. Talk of impending Autumn, and K sure didn't want to wear 'long sleeves' on her legs. She's a plaid-and-cargo-shorts kinda person. I agreed, as I love wearing 'short sleeves' but, I was looking forward to wearing leggings, so comfy.<br />
<br />
When I said 'leggings' I <i>swear</i> the room went still*. <i>Something</i> passed through that room. I know I felt weird! It looked to me like they felt weird. These are new friends we're getting along so swimmingly and I want so badly to be liked and loved, my little me voice inside said...what did I say...wrong. Am I not queer enough? Too straight? Too cis? Too something or not enough something? Am I butch? A dyke? A femme? All three? None? Other? <br />
<br />
Later when I thought about it I laughed, and I laughed harder thinking of what I wished I had done in that moment (if I wasn't so fixated on playing it cool and ignoring my weird feeling and not crumpling in an unbecoming way because the little me feels like I never fit anywhere, no matter what):<br />
<br />
I wished I had looked at each of them in turn with a smile and loud-whispered,<br />
<br />
"Leggings...leggings...leggings!"<br />
<br />
And then, "Just checking to see if any of us were going to evaporate or self-immolate or something; that word seems to carry some weight?" and been genuinely curious and humorous about it.<br />
<br />
Then somehow - how did this happen?? - K talked about boxer shorts. Previously B and S had told me of an incident where a lady neighbor had mistaken their apartment for hers and walked in on them both as they were lounging around in their boxers. I think that was a test of some sort, to see if I could be trusted with this bit of info. Fuck yeah, wear boxers, wear whatever makes you feel good! Of course! But then this day when K dropped in a line about buying boxers and they all nodded about something (a good deal? a good brand? I don't know, I was hyper-aware of body language, subtext, and a frisson of other stuff that I was dealing with internally)...I felt like such a white cis straight female, like I was so straight and vanilla and ugh, ugh. I just let them say whatever they were saying and wished for a plus one or a club cufflink or something.<br />
<br />
But I don't like boxers on my body, underneath jeans. I fucking hate the way they bunch up, and feel like even more flesh when I don't want more flesh or wrinkles or bulk. It's like trying to wear long johns underneath jeans. NO. No. Nooooo. I would wear briefs but they're very bulky as well, and binding around the legs. So I wear things that are smooth and do not bind or ruck up.<br />
<br />
Looking back on it, if I had been feeling more secure and jocular, I would have chimed in - "I don't know what you're on about, g-strings are the most comfortable by far. I love my thongs!"<br />
<br />
I cut my hair so so short this year. I don't think there's any going back. I use a pair of cheap scissors and trimming it is an activity that fulfills my OCDs because with short hair you cut at home without benefit of clippers you just have to trim it continually. I guess I still look and act like a straight female to most guys though. I was approached by a young man at <i>least</i> half my age when I sat down at a bench on the bike path to read (You guys. I turned 50 in February). He crossed over made a beeline for me. I am not even kidding. WHY?!<br />
<br />
"How are you?"<br />
<br />
"I"m awesome," and I went back to reading my book.<br />
<br />
He sat down next to me. "Mind if I sit here?" I said to him, "There are plenty of other benches." And he goes, "Yeah but I want to talk to <i>you." </i>I slapped my book shut, dropped it in my pannier, swung a leg over and said, "Well. I don't feel like talking to anyone."<br />
<br />
"Oh. Well stay pretty!"<br />
<br />
???<br />
<br />
!!!<br />
<br />
What? Maybe I should feel comforted by the fact that my chin-wag bits and puckery lined lips (they are not smooth any more not by a long shot) and puffy eyes and crow's feet were, what, surpassed by my stellar cowlick (I actually love my cowlick) and red hair and....euw but gross, dude, you are...you could be my <i>grandson.</i><br />
<br />
On the upside, I was identified twice this year as a 'Sir', by men, who then quickly apologized.<br />
<br />
I like leggings*. I like scoop neck shirts. I like button-downs, with all the buttons undone and a tanktop underneath. I like scarves. I love jeans. I have no use for my boobs, but there they are, and I'm not binding them or undergoing top surgery. I could lose 25 pounds and be <i>very</i> boyish looking and in fact I would prefer that, I would UBER prefer that, but I'm not going to diet again, ever (see previous post). I have some short jersey skirts (shout-whispered), I might wear them with my leggings (also shout-whispered) again this year. I love wearing skate shoes with my jeans and scarves. I wish I was rail-thin and had no boobs. I wish I was narrow-hipped. I'm not. I don't like wearing suits or ties. So I guess I'm still making this up as I go along and dressing each day as I feel most comfortable and I'm not a girl or a boy or a woman or a man, so.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiozxlqI1HVN5t8PGkb_CHyqH7dEvth_MmZWDkeJK5mpfT8YQxymkibeWB5uwlBSQ_E9Xqy7MqBOQoHHxE0nhfMYEorg88V5euONEvbK8ZHOZrUHNyohyphenhyphenE2wfCXhgOb2zrzd73X/s1600/Photo+on+2019-10-13+at+18.28.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiozxlqI1HVN5t8PGkb_CHyqH7dEvth_MmZWDkeJK5mpfT8YQxymkibeWB5uwlBSQ_E9Xqy7MqBOQoHHxE0nhfMYEorg88V5euONEvbK8ZHOZrUHNyohyphenhyphenE2wfCXhgOb2zrzd73X/s320/Photo+on+2019-10-13+at+18.28.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
* edit, Saturday October 19th. I just stumbled on this article, <a href="https://www.autostraddle.com/fat-booty-butch-wears-leggings-confuses-world-confronts-self-204824/" target="_blank">Fat-Booty Butch Wears Leggings - Confuses World, Confronts Self</a>. Yasssss.</div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-70014706908271426142019-09-08T19:39:00.001-07:002019-09-26T18:27:03.032-07:00Pretty Good Year<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When you're happy and you show it, shake your fist! Like, you're rolling a pair of dice. Because happiness is such a controversial topic (at least to myselves and to others like me), I'm going to say that happiness - as all emotions and states of somatic being - is trans and, well, it can be dicey too...depending on the flavor of happy. Which in my book is a sustainable sort of setting. Void of course is like active resting; muscles need time to rest in order to perform again; peak experiences wouldn't be peak without the valley below, the lowlands, riiiight amiright?<br />
<br />
I often wonder if, on the other side of or on the banks of menopause when the estrogen tide has receded, I'll feel the peaks and valleys. I hear from others that not so much. Will I miss it? Yes. No.<br />
<br />
See the thing is, the oscillations between ominous dread; fits of joy; calm assessment; deep absorption in (seemingly, or perfunctory) mundanity; awe; riveting realization of mortality (<i>it is a real thing awrighty and not just for other people 'over there somewhere'</i>) tessellate in tandem at a pace I find adroit, incredible, and altogether surreal some days. The thing is, it's ramping up as I approach what I'm pret-ty sure is The Real Deal (menopause).<br />
<br />
At the same time, at least this <strike>month</strike> season, I also feel way-hay-hay more capable of <strike>enjoying </strike>appreciating the inscrutable ride. Oh god yes! Still freaking out. Maudlin. Freefalling. All that. But (the thing is) I do not feel so utterly alone in it, or as alien (even to myself) as I have before. And that has made a megalithic difference.<br />
<br />
Here are my latest reading recommendations:<br />
<br />
<i>The Body is not An Apology</i> - <i>The Power of Radical Self-Love</i> / Sony Renee Taylor<br />
<i>Movement Matters</i> / Katy Bowman<br />
<i>Flash County Diary - Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life</i> / Darcy Steinke<br />
<i>Women, Food and God</i> / Geneen Roth<br />
<br />
Last year I made a vow to myself. It'll seem like not much to anyone without disordered / emotional / addictive eating patterns. But if you're an addict of any sort and degree (and everyone is, in our first world capitalist patriarchal matrix) you will appreciate it anyhow. I vowed to never go on a diet again. I gave up calorie counting yeaaaaars ago. It's not about that. It's about a bunch of stuff I don't want to take the time to write about but in a nutshell, refraining from using food (the restriction of) as a means to punish, reward, make up for, any overeating or emotional eating or a means to lose weight. So of course I gained weight and along with it the terrifying notion that I would never stop gaining weight and never get my shit together buuuuut 'getting my shit together' mindset is what got me in this mess (addictive patterns) to begin with.<br />
<br />
So I've kept my vow. And things even out, and they go haywire, and for months it's mostly evened out in the realm of extreme eating and bingeing but more importantly the fear around all of that (<i>I am out of control and I will never be in control / safe / ok</i>) has calmed and doesn't feel (at least this season!) like a Pandora's box inside of a Jack-in-the-Box just waiting to uncoil and vomit all over my carefully (re)constructed life.<br />
<br />
So the thing is...I guess (today) I'm feeling more ok with feeling effed up (human); terrified; inscrutable; slippery; or at least I recognize that all that's real but so is effulgence and cool shit in life; other people feeling the same way and we are all on this planet together. And I can't ever 'figure it out'. But by god! I can sure appreciate my good fortune to sit in front of a computer and write all of this after a day of moving my body through space and planes to feel good, to feel, to create tension and torsion, to make myself useful, to gather and crack wild filberts, to meet other bodies with skin muscles fur feathers hair teeth scales and to make decisions all day long about how I want to be in this body alongside all the other ones.<br />
<br />
My advice is to move your body. Any old which way, whatever feels good. That's the next vow I made for myself last winter although I didn't know how it would unfold, exactly. I just knew that I needed to ease off the cerebral and chart some territory in my own skin. For me this means slowing down. Paying attention. Living inside my one awesome body, dealing with chronic and acute pain, and listening; responding; learning how to tune in. I mean for reals. No shortcuts. Moving my body because it feels good and not categorically driving it around full throttle in order to burn calories so that I can lose weight is a huge difference in the way I'm feeling and doing things these days.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm going for a walk in this wild woolly watershed going on out there today.</div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-46811648356420790102018-08-30T19:07:00.000-07:002018-08-31T09:17:57.308-07:00Oh hi, menopause!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've cried more over Chris Cornell's absence than I ever did about my own mother, dead over twenty years now. I knew my mother; we were very close (for some of her life anyway). I knew Cornell's music and how it affects me, still. I'm almost 50 years old. Such mixed feelings about all that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm crying tonight listening to Burden in My Hand. Now I'm tripping out on Cat Stevens 1976 concert on YouTube (I was 7 living in San Diego at the time and there was a Tea for the Tillerman tape floating around the house which I played and played...thanks mom, for not always being a fucked-up active Mormon and giving us a break from that once in awhile even though it's still shit on my shoe).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last entry here was exactly four years ago.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What good does writing do? Not much, is what my conclusion was, and so no writing. Maybe I can write something for myself that will do some good, now. I've been reading a lot of good writing (novels) this summer that I feel has done me good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What is good? I keep feeling the same things over and over. Is that good? Can I just taste a bite of the non-binary for once in my life?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I stopped going through old photos from childhood. The last time I showed them to anyone was to my then-friend Robin, about four years ago, and I felt despairing afterwards. The photos were mostly of just me. I threw most photos out and scanned some, out of some bone-deep need to archive, some biological need for ersatz preservation of what, self, I don't know what. For who though? Nobody is ever going to see those.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wish I could re-orient myself, how could I do that? So that I didn't feel so shitty for being alone and lonely, and unable / unwilling to try making new friends (that hasn't worked for so long, I always end it, the smothered and judgmental feelings take hold of me); that I could just commit to one goddamned thing for once: be alone, so be it, accept it and my fucked up coping mechanisms, stop. To stop seeing all this mess as a personal failure.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was just now reading Annie Hartnett's <i>Rabbit Cake</i> and the 11-year-old protagonist runs to the bank of the Chattanooga river where her mother went sleepswimming and drowned; she wanted for the thousandth time to be able to talk with her mother about things. I haven't felt like that about my mother since I was a kid. Even if my mother was alive today I wouldn't go to her to talk things over or ask her for advice. I am still so relieved that she is dead (even though she fucking haunts me daily). I'd like to see her more as the fucked-up/whole composite person she was and feel sad and even glad for her instead of the persistent creeped-out feeling I have when I think about her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I loved Melissa Broder's <i>The Pisces</i>; it's a book I think I could have written in substance and style. I loved Melissa Broder's Twitter for about two minutes after I read The Pisces (having never read Broder's Twits before) and then I got bored of the repeat (clever and raw as she is) and it reminded me so much of myself that I wanted to upchuck. Just shut the fuck up already (everyone).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I once saw a painting, maybe it's Britt Wilson's? She's a great cartoonist. The painting was a nest of baby birds, mouths open wide as the widest, thrusting front and center and huge, hungry, unrelenting, strident, demanding. Maybe there was a worm with guts all over. The painting is terrifying, it gives me the creeps and the crawls and I'm riveted even on the memory of it and feel compelled to go and find it but I might not and enjoy the propulsive memory of it even more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As I was typing that last sentence, Chris Cornell on YouTube said that he was terrified during his first acoustic performance because it's terrifying so he grabbed something from home on his way out the door (pointing to a red countertop old-style phone) and that started a thing so now he carries it with him to each subsequent acoustic performance. He said terrifying only two beats after I typed terrifying.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To be continued (somewhere), because I can die now in peace, having been witness to a pretty innocuous but utterly cool synchronicity with Chris Cornell, even though I'm grasping for straws, ha ha.</span></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-30238430364022938802014-08-30T20:53:00.000-07:002014-08-30T20:53:02.764-07:00So big so small<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Talked with a couple of buddies at the Saturday Market today. We agreed that the Market is a happy place, and yet there are those who would spoil it for themselves and others by not checking their ego or their tempers at the door. We further agreed that it is a place meant for fun, not for sourpusses. Young Clayton relayed an incident of a tie-dye tshirt shack owner who insisted on being Un-Grateful, we bemoaned the poor man's fate (he'll never reach the Farther Shore with that attitude and the wheel will keep on turnin'), and Don said, "Look at that dinosaur!" We whipped our heads around in unison:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfu_7Y2b6bfntVTEFp7MHTupYitjDtTXUhT2YFkyucgfV9wUP5s87eBr1xNn7yG-lUTjCF3FcTXxCBdMtn6tCTLws9YIATVQTxZ7LAfH1Hq4lHcIOqn0B8c59mkOdI-D9gY1jJ/s1600/IMG_3817.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfu_7Y2b6bfntVTEFp7MHTupYitjDtTXUhT2YFkyucgfV9wUP5s87eBr1xNn7yG-lUTjCF3FcTXxCBdMtn6tCTLws9YIATVQTxZ7LAfH1Hq4lHcIOqn0B8c59mkOdI-D9gY1jJ/s1600/IMG_3817.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
And then we all laughed......so hard! What perfect timing. That TRex wasn't there a second ago...was it? And no one was paying it any mind at all. Impotent! ha ha......ahaha! awwwwwww.<br />
<br />
</div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-76824152466103377022014-06-29T21:30:00.001-07:002014-06-29T21:30:12.853-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">So
far this summer vacation/break/layoff from LCC has consisted of a lot
of sitting and gazing out the window. With and without music. A lot of
sitting and gazing and thinking. Writing. Breathing. Walking. Sleeping.
How often does anyone sit and listen</span></span><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188973176466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">
to music? How often do people actually have or make the time to do so? I
haven't done that for a long time. Music is a daily thing but to just
sit and listen.....no, it's usually on while I'm doing dishes, art,
yoga, what-have-you.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyfz5luFjpq-CmHRwhMrcj_UuOy1mONsT8sI7YS1fjpWOJNxRgpsA8dH_DM7WwmVgG7tKME2Hx41CY' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
Warpaint - Beetles<br />
<br />
<span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">I'm not prepared, I just gotta gotta get there</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$2:0">Where am I, why can't I just get it together?</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$3:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$4:0">Fuck it, where's my shit?</span></span><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0">Oh my God I'm mad at it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$3:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">Oh my God I'm mad at it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$5:0" /><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$7:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$8:0">Oh my God I'm mad at it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$9:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$10:0">I wanna throw it out the window</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$11:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$12:0">I wanna throw it out the window</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$13:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$14:0">I wanna throw it out the window</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$15:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$16:0">I wanna throw it out the window</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$17:0" /><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$19:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$20:0">And here I go, hanging on</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$21:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$22:0">Nothing new, nothing new,</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$23:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$24:0">nothing and nothing</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$25:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$26:0">oh no</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$27:0" /><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$29:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$30:0">Let's get naked and rip down the wall that makes me crazy,</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$31:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$32:0">tell me how</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$33:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$34:0">Someone hold my hand and give me lessons 'cos I wanna</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$35:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$36:0">Melt the knot inside of it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$37:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$38:0">I wanna melt the knot inside of it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$39:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$40:0">I wanna melt the knot inside of it</span><br data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$41:0" /><span data-reactid=".2y.1:3:1:$comment10152188968816466_10152188971841466:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$42:0">I wanna melt the knot.............</span></span></span></span></span></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-48660433643226234532014-06-26T14:31:00.001-07:002014-06-26T14:31:19.187-07:00throwback thursday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiio2PpoSnzoy4rZiVpvxfj9MFFE1sSoY7oHCCbc4OPV2ffRHntPSkHAIVLX1LYKh28Wp1ON6D0lm4HKZe4nSad1xw-5V0nqGAm_fGBeW12JxRtvlIupkLOr3701bMwt927q-l0/s1600/wild+child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiio2PpoSnzoy4rZiVpvxfj9MFFE1sSoY7oHCCbc4OPV2ffRHntPSkHAIVLX1LYKh28Wp1ON6D0lm4HKZe4nSad1xw-5V0nqGAm_fGBeW12JxRtvlIupkLOr3701bMwt927q-l0/s1600/wild+child.jpg" height="320" width="311" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption">This is who I really am.<br /> <br />
When I was about 8, my mom took me to the Unicorn Theater in San Diego.
This now-closed theater housed a bookstore in front and through a
beautifully wrought teakwood door with trees carved into latticework, a
theater where they showed cult classics and animation festivals. This
time we watched the french film Wild Child (with subtitles! I learned
that 'lait' means 'milk')<span class="text_exposed_show">. The film is
based on a true story about a boy raised by wolves until the
psychologist finds him in the forest. He domesticates Victor by cutting
off his beautiful hair (cried) and putting him in shoes (cried again). <br /> <br />
I was completely riveted. I celebrated Victor's freedom and feral
family and mourned the loss of it. After the film I promptly whipped off
my shirt, got down on all fours (arms and feet, not knees), developed a
nice loping gait, and proclaimed myself Wild.<br /> <br /> Here I am up a
tree. Mom insisted that I wear the sandals and socks. It was the only
way I was able to continue being Wild in the trees. I didn't like it,
but there you have it.<br /> <br /> I spent many weeks running around like this.<br /> <br /> Actually my whole life......</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></span></span></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-17128880101273348932014-06-26T10:50:00.002-07:002014-06-26T13:36:15.258-07:00What was I thinking?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Most of my social scene has been on Facebook the last couple-plus years. Obviously I haven't been blah blah blahgging. What've you all been up to? I guess I could find out if I was linked to your lives and blogs.<br />
<br />
So this morning I crawled in to my little corner cabinet to pull out some artifacts: CDs to import to my iTunes library, since all the bootleg and other stuff is still on disc.....and I pulled out my old art and writing journals. What was I thinking, paging through summer of 2009? On a cloudy day? With Radiohead waiting in the wings, just begging me stop so they could lift me out of my melancholy?<br />
<br />
My takeaway from this morning's session, folded up on the floor like a frog to relieve the soreness in my back and hips, was that I wished I believed in some sort of God. (Or Afters. Like the British Elevensies.)<br />
<br />
I don't disbelieve in Other/More. I am aware of Other; it's all around, hello?<br />
<br />
Maybe what I really want is to tap more into my animal. The deeper brain I guess. The brain that doesn't endlessly, recursively self-question. Damned emergent properties, opening up avenues and limiting others, allowing me to talk out my ass-end! So preoccupied with all that lint in the navel. To whit: all those iterations in the quantum load of journals I've penned over the years like karma laid out in patterns on college-ruled.<br />
<br />
Talking with a friend about how adopting an animal's no-fuss attitude about life and the inevitable end (which they don't even know or think about of course) would lighten the load considerably...she chimed in, "Yeah, we (humans) aren't really necessary." I liked that. Skimmed a lot of that self-importance right off the top that I have a habit of encouraging to ferment and froth over, you know? <br />
<br />
I don't know, I guess I just felt like writing something into the ether and posting this badass thing I made yesterday. I really like it. You'll see Vash the Stampede, perhaps - and Grant Morrison's influence as well.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6tPkNAeP8BiDfnBXTjw6q8uIroqCniGkKreM3zwaX2clMCAjpjPHCXph86rJ6rmnTfAFLH6XKpRFWy8m8nfN6ioHBI5BCmh5xya17FlmjZNmlonvCXwbsGkGJDCxx1e0WUzcf/s1600/vash+lower+res.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6tPkNAeP8BiDfnBXTjw6q8uIroqCniGkKreM3zwaX2clMCAjpjPHCXph86rJ6rmnTfAFLH6XKpRFWy8m8nfN6ioHBI5BCmh5xya17FlmjZNmlonvCXwbsGkGJDCxx1e0WUzcf/s1600/vash+lower+res.jpg" height="320" width="266" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-36975256192780941602012-09-15T20:30:00.002-07:002013-01-19T17:02:32.963-08:00A Day to Remember<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
SooOOoooo......I finally felt like making something and writing something. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
This was my day today.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Saying farewell to summer. Or to state it in the positive, although it requires a lot of effort (because as you may know I am not a fan of not-summer which means RAIN RAIN RAIN here): saying hello to Autumn. With Winter close on its heels.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
But for now, it's still summery.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Here's a day in pictures.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
With captions!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFatXsJsBWcE0kdXzhASMzFO0a-fzAaAo14c4bXKLGZCFuT_-lYZ06BBJjnHFr7LBBVs4x_WKxrDUtmG8ofqDdcmkkODtwDOAlOkrZ7mQNlv414Zw4dNDNT1v0hHGlomT0NRE9/s1600/walking-dead.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFatXsJsBWcE0kdXzhASMzFO0a-fzAaAo14c4bXKLGZCFuT_-lYZ06BBJjnHFr7LBBVs4x_WKxrDUtmG8ofqDdcmkkODtwDOAlOkrZ7mQNlv414Zw4dNDNT1v0hHGlomT0NRE9/s320/walking-dead.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Autzen Stadium. They're lurching along....sorry if any of you are football fans. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf50aH54RXA3SHvx4Oc095LN-ydVgaVTQqBR8IRvJ-oN1E_ljaNPLWUPJ9JqsWx1IRbMvaiP6Xgup3fcB6ookxL0vd3B7eEzbfTg4yfxsPCwHmDm6vFtYqh-St5fHkfDlvwOL5/s1600/bread.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf50aH54RXA3SHvx4Oc095LN-ydVgaVTQqBR8IRvJ-oN1E_ljaNPLWUPJ9JqsWx1IRbMvaiP6Xgup3fcB6ookxL0vd3B7eEzbfTg4yfxsPCwHmDm6vFtYqh-St5fHkfDlvwOL5/s320/bread.jpg" width="131" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwqYgotxT0_Zwc-OkYV4FCgYkiQfR5LAht1S1knZXkzrk46m9W2LvPprRui3H6UEoND-G2psGIPZlizENfuEZl7UHbB8BVmixs3ZZhn2zM5eV1qQVZ4tevY9wsKwU_Qf05ZhRC/s1600/beer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwqYgotxT0_Zwc-OkYV4FCgYkiQfR5LAht1S1knZXkzrk46m9W2LvPprRui3H6UEoND-G2psGIPZlizENfuEZl7UHbB8BVmixs3ZZhn2zM5eV1qQVZ4tevY9wsKwU_Qf05ZhRC/s320/beer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
People buying mass quantities of beer today. Post-game fervor. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I don't follow sports, so I don't know if U of O won or lost.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
But there will be much beer-quaffing tonight, I reckon, regardless.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDquStH3H3iDZRTKC6BtrKFXB84_soZpSBJMWPAjFM3qn77pvHWapygkCjCPUgAYFj2c0-w1TgQVHIy_dfdHj0GaQwI4niA57r3p4BIKbA9RZBDK7PAIQwNMWucEe4K1sNFwh8/s1600/bike-racks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDquStH3H3iDZRTKC6BtrKFXB84_soZpSBJMWPAjFM3qn77pvHWapygkCjCPUgAYFj2c0-w1TgQVHIy_dfdHj0GaQwI4niA57r3p4BIKbA9RZBDK7PAIQwNMWucEe4K1sNFwh8/s320/bike-racks.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Outside our downtown Green Grocer Market, The Kiva.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Man, I think this is so funny. I rarely park by bicycle out here. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Wouldn't be so funny if some sports-and-beer-addled driver plowed into</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my only-car-is-a-bicycle!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I plant my two-wheeler at the upside-down U-shaped</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bike racks up against the store. Off-road.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiHTHQEjaD4HJuCR0nyTP7QXFA_TnWW1lIqu3XSDYyp4fc6Jpp0QjTac0PppAHddreVnolFHyIkqoFGvgU7_waJ3j4JuRqCYCHex80wN-_EslqjZw6n5xa2jYgMq8H9ywtBhyphenhyphen/s1600/sticks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiHTHQEjaD4HJuCR0nyTP7QXFA_TnWW1lIqu3XSDYyp4fc6Jpp0QjTac0PppAHddreVnolFHyIkqoFGvgU7_waJ3j4JuRqCYCHex80wN-_EslqjZw6n5xa2jYgMq8H9ywtBhyphenhyphen/s320/sticks.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Stopped at Market of Choice on my way home.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It is a swanky grocery, deli, and more store. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My plastic still works here though.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGzJpoLl5d1Xn5jvyl91a0USiEX8n_GwEjhgZolDowPP779c8GOEXO8TsNovGpHMlbfnfvXB7lpdtkyKlXND-nlwgasxs8ocsvs40g1UrZnZxghBpNESEZNI2fCQeGtGHpIxOj/s1600/cucumber.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGzJpoLl5d1Xn5jvyl91a0USiEX8n_GwEjhgZolDowPP779c8GOEXO8TsNovGpHMlbfnfvXB7lpdtkyKlXND-nlwgasxs8ocsvs40g1UrZnZxghBpNESEZNI2fCQeGtGHpIxOj/s320/cucumber.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am so serious.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyvheQIFQp8KR2iqZkR3b5nxzKZT6Vpjy_Q9TOMsJfML8j-G3AOFLF3vnssTR2_VsofB_wGrlavAszKtdT-DQgkDQkQLDRcKbcG2jtXP6n6hSFQaTi4xv9ywYoVU30vMsu7jRx/s1600/the+end.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyvheQIFQp8KR2iqZkR3b5nxzKZT6Vpjy_Q9TOMsJfML8j-G3AOFLF3vnssTR2_VsofB_wGrlavAszKtdT-DQgkDQkQLDRcKbcG2jtXP6n6hSFQaTi4xv9ywYoVU30vMsu7jRx/s320/the+end.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-84939656264875132622012-03-22T15:25:00.003-07:002012-03-23T19:01:37.818-07:00Illustration Friday - Shades<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaq2tH0kHUjxogD3JlvuCbVMUvswVOEIwnL3cYIMKlKWmBYmOcLxvlUM7YFixAPQiTCBFWx2v61sQ_iT1gfExQ1V_sSqps_RoRLdcXueAM1jsCOm4EyNoQySgdaen-CQp39va3/s1600/rare-bird-200dpifor-web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaq2tH0kHUjxogD3JlvuCbVMUvswVOEIwnL3cYIMKlKWmBYmOcLxvlUM7YFixAPQiTCBFWx2v61sQ_iT1gfExQ1V_sSqps_RoRLdcXueAM1jsCOm4EyNoQySgdaen-CQp39va3/s320/rare-bird-200dpifor-web.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<br />
Whoo! Just under the wire yet again for this week's IF challenge.<br />
<br />
Couple of rare birds, maybe? yuk yuk yuk (how often do owls wear gigolo sunglasses, hey??!)<br />
<br />
Ack! I submitted this on thursday night but somehow...SOMEHOW!...the link I entered was directing folks to a famous author's site - Dan Santat. Oops! So here's last week's which could almost qualify for this week's challenge word ('swamp'). But I'm not going for a double-header here. I'll be concocting something new for this week! <br />
<br />
Trying out some different things with Photoshop this time around - namely, working with a chalk brush for much of the image. And playing around with some furry effects. Had fun doing this one!<br />
<br />
Next comes more learning about how to render water - there are so many ways! I need to just spend some time with different methods. Copy the masters :)<br />
<br />
Like <a href="http://www.boltcity.com/copper/" target="blank">Kazu Kibuishi</a>, <a href="http://www.remindblog.com/" target="blank">Jason Brubaker</a>, <a href="http://danidraws.com/" target="blank">Dani Jones</a>,<a href="http://www.radsechrist.com/" target="blank">Rad Sechrist</a>, and more. Can you tell I've been reading the Flight series? I found <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Flight-Explorer-One-Kazu-Kibuishi/dp/0345503139" target="blank">Flight Explorer</a> in the children's comic section at our library and I practically sleep with it!<br />
<br />
Also need to learn how to create more of a sense of light. Also.....!...I wanna learn how to use Illustrator. Next level for me. And! Learning how to create shapes that meet without linework. I'll always love cartoons and comics. And I've done a little bit of painting, traditional and digital. So much to explore!!<br />
<br />
I started watching the <a href="http://comicsaregreat.com/cag49" target="blank">Comics are Great podcast</a> this morning where Jerzy Drozd and <a href="http://www.dantat.com/DANTAT.COM/DAN_SANTAT_author___illustrator.html" target="blank">Dan Santat</a> are talking about Fear and Courage. I left off to work on the above illustration - just after Dan said he taught himself to draw by copying comic books.<br />
<br />
YEAH! That's what I'm talking about!!</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-55859240781991632842012-03-20T12:01:00.001-07:002012-03-20T12:02:10.516-07:00Why can't I see my brush tip shape?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">If you're noodling around in Photoshop and your brush tip shape inexplicably (?!) changes to a leetle tiny point, the caps lock is probably on. Toggle it off and regain shapes for brushes and all the other shapes associated with the various tools. My keyboard is an old one for Mac (pretty turquoise! with a full ten-key keyboard, which is what I want) that I bought used through <a href="http://www.nextsteprecycling.org/" target="blank">NextStep Recycling</a> and the caps lock key sticks or spontaneously decides I need to work in UPPER CASE.<br />
<br />
I had wondered if that was the case with my brush tip suddenly 'disappearing' when I typed my question into the browser bar's built-in search engine and my query was ALL IN CAPS.<br />
<br />
Here's a web page I found right off the bat to confirm what happened. <br />
<br />
<http: photoshop-101-the-annoying-phantom-brush="" photoshop="" www.bittbox.com=""><a href="http://www.bittbox.com/photoshop/photoshop-101-the-annoying-phantom-brush" target="blank">The Annoying Phantom Brush</a>.</http:><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC9uH6wYAoNClkr_3vpP-wyuQiCmlJ8LcOWV5x1Ghx875HupyCOfkDBFadh5MjuZ6ybkykQfW-DXNvs7fD5iHQvdeiINLAAh1NJXYHZz3aJEDRG7qs8s1d4mh9B8D0ipKuFVOk/s1600/WTF%3F.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC9uH6wYAoNClkr_3vpP-wyuQiCmlJ8LcOWV5x1Ghx875HupyCOfkDBFadh5MjuZ6ybkykQfW-DXNvs7fD5iHQvdeiINLAAh1NJXYHZz3aJEDRG7qs8s1d4mh9B8D0ipKuFVOk/s320/WTF%3F.jpg" width="252" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Happy painting and stuff!</div></div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-82343048479531549332012-03-18T19:05:00.005-07:002012-03-20T20:28:17.505-07:00Greeting Cards are now for sale!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Yoo! I did a print run last week and five greeting card designs are ready for you browse and purchase!<br />
<br />
I created a Page for them (right up there) where you can click on a Buy Now button. I've included descriptions and stuff - and you don't need a PayPal account to pay - y'all know you can click through and choose to pay by credit card. Alternatively, you can email me with a list of the items you would like to purchase and I'll send you an invoice direct via my PayPal account. This works well if you want to order a variety of cards. The way it works now (learning all this tonight so bear with me) -- you click on Buy Now and are directed off-site to pay. Every time you want to order a different card. Easy enough but with an invoice, you will receive ONE itemized list and you can pay from that. <br />
<br />
Alternatively......and even better really....I just re-opened my Etsy shop. Click on that banner over there! It would really help me build business if you order through Etsy.<br />
<br />
Here's a few shots of a couple of the cards in 'real space' so you can have a sense of their scale and cute factors :) I also had fun creating a logo, printed in living color on the backsides.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNnXLJciO0P0nhkIxs8HHv0nzS9GkEl171a8RtJXynuvzVDV81sDeZ_Up5vGJqyiRlqxtiYcy6_oXIoiWj40HIqUjgKyNQM0WsxCHlM6wllLeHaaZXuZypzxdySAKeN4IH4Ey/s1600/IMG_6774.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDNnXLJciO0P0nhkIxs8HHv0nzS9GkEl171a8RtJXynuvzVDV81sDeZ_Up5vGJqyiRlqxtiYcy6_oXIoiWj40HIqUjgKyNQM0WsxCHlM6wllLeHaaZXuZypzxdySAKeN4IH4Ey/s320/IMG_6774.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimaA1yA4nAcX4dIXoAyW4P58RUmAplZxtrm2RpYwRTVQXsIRi_qaG7mUGKqOVa1zdOkqhdnQfcsHlOxoHVERDgZXrMMBnojkrG8TJoMSuglOR2Q27YUxXjBD5dnBEBKo7yJlv3/s1600/IMG_6775.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimaA1yA4nAcX4dIXoAyW4P58RUmAplZxtrm2RpYwRTVQXsIRi_qaG7mUGKqOVa1zdOkqhdnQfcsHlOxoHVERDgZXrMMBnojkrG8TJoMSuglOR2Q27YUxXjBD5dnBEBKo7yJlv3/s320/IMG_6775.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJL3jp8blteiDfcGeSzCYFUfqRKIntuPPc80wPgyl1V2xF2kBlAraJXevqvedxcbvZg33-2NH1s88Soh99IQnwRcjyE_0ZGmY6dyI5q9AUuycwa6Y289T8q-flRncS1CN-eSmt/s1600/IMG_6776.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJL3jp8blteiDfcGeSzCYFUfqRKIntuPPc80wPgyl1V2xF2kBlAraJXevqvedxcbvZg33-2NH1s88Soh99IQnwRcjyE_0ZGmY6dyI5q9AUuycwa6Y289T8q-flRncS1CN-eSmt/s320/IMG_6776.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt6TgAgM28SFcY_xuxn5p-qTyg4V1hIEx6FVdjBiEO99_REmpobrG481UK7JwBltNeEmv2gNcMHRD9lbmIaKR7LDgSVfVpVv4dKk4FJWTjRSLwuBXu9lrPaqbhsSlNUfbLa1CU/s1600/IMG_6777.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt6TgAgM28SFcY_xuxn5p-qTyg4V1hIEx6FVdjBiEO99_REmpobrG481UK7JwBltNeEmv2gNcMHRD9lbmIaKR7LDgSVfVpVv4dKk4FJWTjRSLwuBXu9lrPaqbhsSlNUfbLa1CU/s320/IMG_6777.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-70655241328392407632012-03-13T21:21:00.001-07:002012-03-14T09:53:50.642-07:00Illustration Friday - Yield<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;">Here's this week's installment for Illustration Friday!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yield to your little monster. The monster just wants to help. And to be friends. Really. No matter what monstrous monstrosities the little darling devil-may-be.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxCbH-4TlaIaGWb_9LxrabKEf259EcdyGK2nYK9f8B7m0sgvUy8LzUjU1jPl8DX_qeMTZEeZ_kEF6eQVOsu7-9TVjTMc3dkmrVE3lnhvt16oSA7y7mIVBJVkzG6TE__kElErLf/s1600/Yield-for-web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxCbH-4TlaIaGWb_9LxrabKEf259EcdyGK2nYK9f8B7m0sgvUy8LzUjU1jPl8DX_qeMTZEeZ_kEF6eQVOsu7-9TVjTMc3dkmrVE3lnhvt16oSA7y7mIVBJVkzG6TE__kElErLf/s320/Yield-for-web.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Yeah I'm learning stuff in Photoshop! Trying out several different techniques. I realize this one is pretty busy but hey. Monsters like busy-ness. Uh...this one does!<br />
<br />
<br />
**I will be designing cards for this one....I really need to re-launch Etsy, or sell through this site....or build that website I keep saying I will! If anyone is interested in purchasing cards or prints just email or message me - thanks!** </div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-85873070057834234942012-03-12T21:25:00.000-07:002012-03-12T21:25:29.711-07:00today I made a cloud<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX8KQOStuOBClwW7qu19Xt697qdlGIYzWpc880MV5PpaS1bGAZfA_z4BhlO7a0y0v6LqgBMIyc4IY70fjJ5-KVhQk74tPCJJWMwrMjbpXDFKURN-Vw7YyuQk3alKq81EVNTfec/s1600/today+i+made+a+cloud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX8KQOStuOBClwW7qu19Xt697qdlGIYzWpc880MV5PpaS1bGAZfA_z4BhlO7a0y0v6LqgBMIyc4IY70fjJ5-KVhQk74tPCJJWMwrMjbpXDFKURN-Vw7YyuQk3alKq81EVNTfec/s320/today+i+made+a+cloud.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
This is one of the things I busied myself learning today: one way to make a cloud! Of course I had to add some mauves and pinks. I even learned how to make my very own cloud brush, woo!<br />
<br />
The tutorial I followed is <a href="http://www.lunacore.com/photoshop/tutorials/tut021.htm" target="blank">here</a>. There are many ways to make clouds, as you may well know if you've puttered around in Photoshoppe. I'll be morphing this one to fit an illustration I'm working on.<br />
<br />
This morning my back went out! Suddenly, without warning, as I was doing my normal stuff around the house. I could barely lift a frikkin' teacup to my face. No, seriously. So I stayed home. Luckily I haven't been bedridden and have been able to sit on my arse-end for lengths of time to mess about with colors and clouds. I was doubtful I would even be able to do that....so I do count myself fortunate.<br />
<br />
I even made split pea soup. Good for what ails ya. Especially when it's raining and gusting 40mph winds outside.....yeesh.<br />
<br />
A good evening to you all; I'm closing up Shop and going horizontal with a movie and some ibuprofen :)</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-61843277341196461142012-03-06T22:45:00.000-08:002012-03-06T22:45:18.020-08:00Illustration Friday - Intention<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">So on sunday it was my <i>intention</i> to be super woman super productive. I did some stuff and laid groundwork for being more productive the next couple of days.....but as for sunday, I did a good amount of schlepping and chillin'. <br />
<br />
Learning Photoshop! Learning about every goshdangiddy thang!!<br />
<br />
I live in a small studio. That is why I look so biggg :)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiwUMMVLKRYfCrdKcw2lwg6gzdBpW8vaOrc9AR2tUqXwtgfzLIPhhFovhv4Tu_9nsmlCpeUkK-9EZ9POWcw2m41q8Y5ZDqKoIETAGEWzjB2E0z8acGLDtLm09GhJ9ppynKm8Ts/s1600/intentionIF.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiwUMMVLKRYfCrdKcw2lwg6gzdBpW8vaOrc9AR2tUqXwtgfzLIPhhFovhv4Tu_9nsmlCpeUkK-9EZ9POWcw2m41q8Y5ZDqKoIETAGEWzjB2E0z8acGLDtLm09GhJ9ppynKm8Ts/s320/intentionIF.jpg" width="236" /></a></div> </div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-3550524242428304242012-03-01T22:20:00.000-08:002012-03-01T22:20:31.538-08:00Illustration Friday - Capable<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Wooo just under the wire! Here is this week's Illustration Friday, uh, illustration.<br />
<br />
After working for several hours on the Paid Assignment for NextStep, I switched gears to do this. Oh man I'm so glad I did! For anyone who has ever, say...learned to play an instrument: do you remember when, after hours and more hours of learning how to place fingers and read sheet music that one day you suddenly start doing it without thinking so much about it? Well tonight was like that with Photoshop, which I'm just now learning. Everything I've learned up until now finally gelled and I was loosened up and I had a LOT of fun coloring this.<br />
<br />
When I drew it, I didn't have the plan that it would be a frog stretching across that ravine (or whatever you want it to be). But it seems appropriate and so I'll insert the metaphor of a frog who doesn't realize she is built to leap. Or hasn't dared. Or, you know......that sort of thing.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0vWz8zoLfoEd9-fZXkbKOfLEyfom-QUIxnBjJnE1aVqyHG9zL38rLaggdIBfV54kCTerzS5MrUUEbghzVzOyJZkekbMUBgAjYVEgoBlfDp_GZc6Uw8YWyNPcTNBsKCgo4EqWH/s1600/capable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0vWz8zoLfoEd9-fZXkbKOfLEyfom-QUIxnBjJnE1aVqyHG9zL38rLaggdIBfV54kCTerzS5MrUUEbghzVzOyJZkekbMUBgAjYVEgoBlfDp_GZc6Uw8YWyNPcTNBsKCgo4EqWH/s320/capable.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-46244631107008544242012-02-18T11:24:00.000-08:002012-02-18T11:24:14.365-08:00no more distractions!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I am going to DRAW!!<br />
<br />
right after I eat a bit of chocolate, go to the bathroom, check my email...post to Facebook...read a couple art blogs....no no! Concentrate!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR5KlbHM1IlynAU1g6RzT6gebBsbp0nkeVM7TxdtHXsrEUQS8R0tKAgcqlPgZThlXzafbazbvViY2ddiTmqXRah38Jshq0gMA4s6X8uAbKJbeBGDcfuQaofs-S9rYcxJR7cttY/s1600/DRAW!-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR5KlbHM1IlynAU1g6RzT6gebBsbp0nkeVM7TxdtHXsrEUQS8R0tKAgcqlPgZThlXzafbazbvViY2ddiTmqXRah38Jshq0gMA4s6X8uAbKJbeBGDcfuQaofs-S9rYcxJR7cttY/s320/DRAW!-1.jpg" width="245" /></a></div><br />
</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-52192932413048002922012-02-09T21:56:00.000-08:002012-02-09T22:05:00.334-08:00WHAT?!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Okay listen up (if you want)! It's true I disappear down the rabbit hole from time to time and this time isn't exactly an exception, but I brought back a chunky nugget: I landed my first hired illustration gig! It's for the locally owned company <a href="http://nextsteprecycling.org/" target="blank">Next Step</a>. Lorraine started this company ummm ten (more?) years ago to refurbish technology that would otherwise end up in the landfill. Next Step does outreach, training, and a host of other pretty amazing things. They've hired me to create an iconic figure and a sidekick for print and web (including tshirts..ahhh I can't wait!). The figures will be robots. <br />
<br />
Have I ever drawn a robot before this project? (searching memory banks......) NO, I think not! I've drawn a few now though! <br />
<br />
It's a very fun and challenging project, and I am learning tons on lots of levels. The thing that launched this was the picture I drew of Yona which is in <a href="http://simiansays.blogspot.com/2012/01/it-was-dark-and-rainy-night.html" target="blank">this post</a>. Yona posted it as her FB profile pic and Lorraine of NextStep saw it and BAM the rest is the history we are making <i>right now.</i> (massive thanks to Yona for connecting the dots on this)<br />
<br />
I have obtained a copy of the PEG (you know? no? Graphic Artist Guild Pricing and Ethical Guidelines).<br />
<br />
I will be learning Photoshop. And will be learning Illustrator.<br />
<br />
I have been reading lots of blogs and websites about the business end of things (that could be misconstrued in other contexts).<br />
<br />
I am open to anyone who can assist me. <br />
<br />
I'm doing trade for this. WAIT! Don't judge me! ehh heh heh<br />
<br />
I now have a kickass 11 x 17 Epson Expression 1640xl scanner (donated to NextStep, routed to me).<br />
<br />
I now have a Wacom Intuos3 tablet (donated and re-routed).<br />
<br />
CS4 was delivered today (I have not installed it yet, because I spent too many hours fiddling around trying to get the scanner and my Mac to communicate properly and I am burnt on the tech end of things for today).<br />
<br />
I have a better chair to sit upon and my back isn't screaming at me so much.<br />
<br />
One bigger better filing cabinet, and one other on the way.<br />
<br />
And a partridge in a pear treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.<br />
<br />
The people at NextStep and the owner Lorraine have been AWESOME to work with. <br />
<br />
Here is my first project in PSE (which I had already thanks to Yona's generous sharing, and will now be transferring skillz to Photoshoppe). <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEith1_24G3JCX9ifJgL2MvjCDIHUuCuqUtr0fhnuypZFMnfC6C3ByF7e0yASTZeFOaoiR4tFvGSincXTYP-YQ0tt3kIzQUc0FVOktDs4-xAxr08_lnKP3c_8vLOCzX-rmomWQHn/s1600/tunaheadwith.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEith1_24G3JCX9ifJgL2MvjCDIHUuCuqUtr0fhnuypZFMnfC6C3ByF7e0yASTZeFOaoiR4tFvGSincXTYP-YQ0tt3kIzQUc0FVOktDs4-xAxr08_lnKP3c_8vLOCzX-rmomWQHn/s320/tunaheadwith.jpg" width="244" /></a></div><br />
I'll save the critique, except to say that I think this is a great first effort and I learned some stuff. I have a lot more to learn - about painting, color, dpi, file size and kind, and software. Oh by the way, this is not the robot I'm doing for NextStep....it's line art from a doodle I really liked and decided to flesh it out a bit...so to speak ehhh bad joke it must be getting late.<br />
<br />
yuk yuk!<br />
<br />
*ps I really mean it, if you can offer suggestions as to what size I should import my line art and what format, should it be at least 600 dpi (I think so), and in TIFF, and in greyscale? I'm using Photoshop first, and the image will be for web, but also tshirts. Do I need to learn color separation for tshirts? I have a lot to research still. arf!!</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-52703016898898804952012-01-14T23:01:00.000-08:002012-01-22T19:42:05.218-08:00And now for something....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">....a little different!<br />
<br />
For the last few days I've been working on a Big Project. I'm preparing a separate blog post about that one! I can say that it involves my first ever client and my first ever official freelance job!!! AHHH!!! But, I needed a break from that, so I switched gears and finished a piece I started a few days ago. I found this website that issues weekly art challenges<br />
<br />
<a href="http://weeklyartchallenges.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Weekly Art Challenge!</a><br />
<br />
and although I missed the deadline for submission to the collective, I thought last week's challenge was great: redo a piece you created last year. And improve upon it (key word here). I did this <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/simiansays/5342078628/in/set-72157600306797307" target="_blank">Lollie</a> in a woodcut many months ago.<br />
<br />
Here's the redo<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDn3YWgz-z2HyrTyF-pc2Uk7pwoTe3mvwUKSpnT8tSWVFdjy7KzsyfPsbuUvvLMt9TWCuipub1gYv1jyrTO6vNhwmgyj9UpSZUOzgoFeOiUVM5vBPTHyyzu4ptPFUBozUAYJQC/s1600/lalala.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDn3YWgz-z2HyrTyF-pc2Uk7pwoTe3mvwUKSpnT8tSWVFdjy7KzsyfPsbuUvvLMt9TWCuipub1gYv1jyrTO6vNhwmgyj9UpSZUOzgoFeOiUVM5vBPTHyyzu4ptPFUBozUAYJQC/s320/lalala.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<br />
I redid it as a <a href="http://www.comic-covers.com/Underground/imagepages/image54.html" target="_blank">Zap comic book cover!</a><br />
<br />
Well that was fun :-) I encourage you to embrace your Inner Lollie, whatever that means to you. I love her so! She definitely needs to go in a Tarot deck (guess which card?).<br />
<br />
<br />
<del>And I anticipate having a scanner reeeeal soon.</del><br />
<br />
ARF!! Sunday January 22 update: I now have an 11 x 17 Epson scanner!! (backstory on that one real soon)</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-64958984967003989352012-01-10T22:24:00.000-08:002012-01-14T23:11:57.688-08:00It was a Dark and Rainy Night...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">....and my friend <a href="http://yonacriel.blogspot.com/"target="_blank">Yona</a> was having a hissy fit about the state of the weather. Especially since she'd just returned from a sunny and warm six weeks in Oaxaca. I share her sentiments. (I wish I could put together such outfits and pull them off like she does too, but hey - at least I can draw her in her fabulosity!!) We were hanging out at the library, feryerinfermation.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuhyphenhyphenMw2scQPLn2riEroL0DSuFPQssTmZoPxuHoXn5ayGy7uvikTjApYHHYTrnwB4tOPrRO7Vl7i4828TiYWvlGdMRDBQvITY_i-wH06IeuWCMMq9Id49RK0sieBFzGJ9td7Qmo/s1600/IMG_6465.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuhyphenhyphenMw2scQPLn2riEroL0DSuFPQssTmZoPxuHoXn5ayGy7uvikTjApYHHYTrnwB4tOPrRO7Vl7i4828TiYWvlGdMRDBQvITY_i-wH06IeuWCMMq9Id49RK0sieBFzGJ9td7Qmo/s320/IMG_6465.jpg" width="231" /></a></div><br />
Luckily for all of us, it was sunny today!!<br />
<br />
We've been enjoying quite a number of bonus days here in the Pacific Northwest, actually.<br />
<br />
On other fronts: I've been gearing up for the almost sure-fire eventuality that I will have an interview soon for a full-time job at the campus library. Many thoughts on this rattling around in the ol' tin can!<br />
<br />
And I yam tard....that is, my brain, it doth tire and gimble in the wabe. And so for now, adieu, dear readers....I am for snoresville soonishly!<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-2954157066634132842012-01-08T20:32:00.000-08:002012-01-14T23:13:56.721-08:00Illustration Friday - Grounded<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfDjtu5qpYn9gKEtcZvJLhd-q-mAASFZ8UAtL5MaDmoStDqnQ4gVjygWcHFBsDze7GPG0na56vQAbhMaiAGo7_EV_C4V0Oy945A32TBX44aEPDrNZqiTH8TnES8Tif3yWMxHo3/s1600/koldewyn.illo.friday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfDjtu5qpYn9gKEtcZvJLhd-q-mAASFZ8UAtL5MaDmoStDqnQ4gVjygWcHFBsDze7GPG0na56vQAbhMaiAGo7_EV_C4V0Oy945A32TBX44aEPDrNZqiTH8TnES8Tif3yWMxHo3/s320/koldewyn.illo.friday.jpg" width="237" /></a></div><br />
YAW!<br />
<br />
I loved doing this one. Started to really roll once Jane's Addiction shuffled through on the iTunage. I've been reading Calvin and Hobbes again lately (can you tell). Also <a href="http://www.ameliarules.com/"target="_blank">Amelia Rules!</a> by Jimmy Gownley. It's super fun and our library has several volumes. Another good one is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ottos-Orange-Day-Toon-Lynch/dp/0979923824"target="_blank">Ottos' Orange Day</a> by Jay Lynch and Frank Cammuso. Also been digging the art of <a href="http://www.dantat.com/DANTAT.COM/Welcome_to_the_website_of_DAN_SANTAT.html"target="_blank">Dan Santat</a>. And last but definitely not least, <a href="http://users.telenet.be/weloveseth/home.html"target="_blank">Jhonen Vasquez</a>. You may know him best because Nickelodeon picked him up to do Invader Zim (Jhonen's....friendly side).<br />
<br />
Next I want to start paying particular attention to backgrounds. Sure I'm always looking at them when I'm reading (drooling over) comics and graphic novels. But, Happy New Year you resolution you, now I'll start applying stuff and messing around more. Yes. I will. Mess around!!!</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-61267729862686940532012-01-07T20:43:00.000-08:002012-02-09T21:41:08.187-08:00Comics Are Great<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Wanna know why? I bet you already do. But I bet you'll be more informed, inspired and generally happy about comics if you head over to <a href="http://comicsaregreat.com/" target="_blank">Comics Are Great</a> and listen to the show. Jerzy Drozd, I've mentioned before, is a teaching artist who loves comics. CAG is one of his myriad projects in partnership with <a href="http://www.aadl.org/" target="_blank">Ann Arbor Library District</a>. In the audio (and visual) podcasts he teams up with other artists around the globe who impart loads of information about everything comic related: creative process, time management, the nuts and bolts of publishing - including self-publishing and webcomics - and a whole host of nifty chunky useful bits. Plus, it's entertaining.<br />
<br />
I've been following Jerzy off and on for a couple of years now, ever since I found his collaborative flagship podcast project <a href="http://www.cvcomics.com/artandstory/" target="_blank">Art and Story</a>. The byline is "The show that digs deep into the craft of cartooning". Definitely lives up to that claim!! Jerzy and <a href="http://cvcomics.com/" target="_blank">Mark Rudolph</a>, along with <a href="http://laserbeamsgo.com/" target="_blank">Kevin Cross</a>, were a very merry trio and I spent a lot of time listening to them while I drew, painted, or carved blocks for printing. Art and Story rocked!! They recently discontinued the podcasts in pursuit of various other individual projects. All of their content is archived beautifully online and is an invaluable resource. There is a LOT of content.<br />
<br />
It's not only for the hard facts of illustrating and the inner workings of All That Mysterious Stuff that I listen to these artists. I remember when I first stumbled on Art and Story. Three guys who are not only experienced, working, successful awesome artists - but who offered their insights in an interesting and entertaining way? No way! I could not believe my good fortune! I loved listening to them banter; it was like three brothers in the next room yukking it up minus the gross machismo. And these guys were never too cool to laugh. A lot. Which I also loved. And they never slammed other artists either. <br />
<br />
Jerzy is a live wire. He kinda reminds me of my brother Christopher (my bro would've been 50 this year!! whoah!!). Whacky, mischievous, off-center, but grounded too. There is even a resemblance in their faces. So that's pretty cool! I really get a kick out of how enthusiastic Jerzy is about his craft. You should really watch a podcast for a sense of his personality.<br />
<br />
So here are some crappy photos of a mini comic I did, a little love note to Comics Are Great and to the great work that Jerzy is doing. I don't know what's going on with my camera; it doesn't seem to take very good photos of anything in less than full-on summer sunshine anymore. I'm aiming for some scans when I go back to work next week.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyUFBSBfoe1tQFQYKjzOw2UOKp8NVgf3BbTwMr1l1mKpyBM8lYHkyMq6nEte2sGYCGEsJm37MG-kx973w0jodzDhr_fd4DCtkkjqrKxSmLE3BCGhqMhea2qUtHa3INcI53daoB/s1600/Jerzyone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyUFBSBfoe1tQFQYKjzOw2UOKp8NVgf3BbTwMr1l1mKpyBM8lYHkyMq6nEte2sGYCGEsJm37MG-kx973w0jodzDhr_fd4DCtkkjqrKxSmLE3BCGhqMhea2qUtHa3INcI53daoB/s320/Jerzyone.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrETsb-cRoImAl2fLsA6c66hwgHxa8-uF9W1PHRzTtN6gQ-8uEyMsaBgH6SKzL0pRgTlppEDIDyvDIHwCs4WbBqcR44-nM-jRS9_-8GmRJzbDuVRB0OSX3dAfgvgQ03pRUrno9/s1600/Jerzytwo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrETsb-cRoImAl2fLsA6c66hwgHxa8-uF9W1PHRzTtN6gQ-8uEyMsaBgH6SKzL0pRgTlppEDIDyvDIHwCs4WbBqcR44-nM-jRS9_-8GmRJzbDuVRB0OSX3dAfgvgQ03pRUrno9/s320/Jerzytwo.jpg" width="225" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmMbusRaG6RIjpTZJaFlV2z4_mg5TPx061KG7YumOs7TTx7X7lpg4jk03iynCPmn0v05QK9jMhjReIzziuIBFMOB-0F5SG741esDxc1EZUCiOHzdtzR8dVKt_KSrFFtwCMSQm/s1600/Jerzythree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmMbusRaG6RIjpTZJaFlV2z4_mg5TPx061KG7YumOs7TTx7X7lpg4jk03iynCPmn0v05QK9jMhjReIzziuIBFMOB-0F5SG741esDxc1EZUCiOHzdtzR8dVKt_KSrFFtwCMSQm/s320/Jerzythree.jpg" width="226" /></a></div><br />
Good Lord! <del></del><br />
Those pictures are freakin' HUGE!<br />
* Best if you're not on dial-up. I wonder how these would look on an iPhone or other mobile device? These things I have yet to learn.<br />
<br />
*I now have a scanner! New shiny pics and not so huge but hopefully big enough.<br />
<br />
So this comic needs some back story. I realize that the target audience is very small, unless you are familiar with Jerzy's podcast presence. It would be funnier if everyone already knew the insidey jokes, but anyway:<br />
<br />
I was watching Ratatouille. Again. You know how much I love that show!! I always want to send my personal thanks to everyone who made that come to life. I mean it astonishes me. From the opening lines, I thought Wow! Remy and Jerzy sound so much alike! Their inflection and cadence, even their energy. Cracked me up. I started mulling over this, and continued watching podcasts and gathering snippets of information:<br />
<br />
Like how Jerzy's choice of superpower, if he had one, would be to shoot laser beams out of his eyes. And how he does believe that anyone can draw comics (which mirrors perfectly Gusteau's adage that 'anyone can cook'!). Jerzy has a tremendous web presence. And he always closes the shows he hosts (and co-hosts) with, "Oh - kay - BYE". He usually wears a black button-down over a tshirt, and 'tributary' is his 'tangent'.<br />
<br />
I totally loved drawing this. I think Jerzy will receive it in the spirit it's meant. Gah, I hope he doesn't feel too weirded out or self-conscious! But he's a big personality! I don't know how the hell he does so much all the time, but dude - hats off! And <b>Comics Are Great!</b> And PS - don't forget to take a break now and then.<br />
<br />
EDIT! Here's a fourth panel!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvUUnLAMwKxRYG2kZDtdKMifyXMJ-OVEgfLt-1cHyZRi6fhBCF1ZEPgGCAR8HathX_uLQ-KZiOKStn7bMRdOK0DMXBAF4lm8ic_qejMih5Jy9DLLVpINnbpD1T_F0kFS0ehri/s1600/jerzy4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwvUUnLAMwKxRYG2kZDtdKMifyXMJ-OVEgfLt-1cHyZRi6fhBCF1ZEPgGCAR8HathX_uLQ-KZiOKStn7bMRdOK0DMXBAF4lm8ic_qejMih5Jy9DLLVpINnbpD1T_F0kFS0ehri/s320/jerzy4.jpeg" width="224" /></a></div><br />
<a href="http://cartoonarchy.com/" target="blank">Kim Holm</a> was a guest on that episode of CAG. And he loooooves copyright *wink wink*. And he really did say that ideas are crap. So I had to make an extra panel.<br />
<br />
OH<br />
KAY<br />
BYE</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-1113967598730888962012-01-04T20:18:00.000-08:002012-01-27T11:04:48.653-08:00Lean Into Art<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I just wanna do a quick post, because in my next post I'm going to talk more about art podcasts and their creators that tie into this one.<br />
<br />
I've just started listening to <a href="http://leanintoart.com/" target="_blank">Lean Into Art</a> hosted by Jerzy Drozd and <a href="http://robstenzinger.com/" target="_blank">Rob Stenzinger</a>. They're both working and teaching artists with loads of panache (but not snooty panache) and experience about illustration and comics in particular. This collaborative effort is gaining ground and I hope it continues to soar. I also wish I was in a position to take classes from these guys! But, in typical generous fashion, they're offering a multitude of podcasts that introduce you to their <del>pyramid scheme</del> course structure (ha ha j/k guys) , and a boatload of other stuff that serve very well as stand-alones. If you're into comics, web design, publishing and general skullduggery, these are your go-to geeks. They're fun to listen to, as well.<br />
<br />
<br />
The other day I listened to the LIA podcast #17 <a href="http://leanintoart.com/blog/2011/12/30/lia-cast-17-mad-about-design.html" target="_blank">Mad About Design</a>. In it Rob and Jerzy touched on how different their clients are in terms of personality, needs, style, expectations - and how they would adjust their own response or interaction to suit. Jerzy said that one client was very informal and would call up saying something like,<br />
<br />
"Dude, could you just make me a totally awesome drawing of dude on a surfboard wearing nothing but a bandana on his..."<br />
<br />
and Jerzy would say something like, "Duuude, like no problemo!" (which is totally, like, unlike regular Jerzy speak)<br />
<br />
Rob then shared how some of his clients would sound something like,<br />
<br />
"Yes hello Mr. Stenzinger, would you be so kind as to consider our proposal for a project? We would be most delighted to hire you..."<br />
<br />
And they talked about how Rob already has the 'long haired creative type guy' thing going, all he needed to do was add a sweater vest, cummerbund - and spats - a cane!<br />
<br />
So yeah, I had to draw this......too good to pass up, right? <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDK_JVCgI5lA29hzTXl8j3WdQ2B4ybbdIDPZVGpPVvbOj90GBkQ6_j28eVQLSuFGIc7uhIkRWqLCthL7Ihmoeu5znnf1Mx7QqeAU5YdOf-TkP2XXH-zLuheal4ShEJG8R5Yp9v/s1600/going+native%2521" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDK_JVCgI5lA29hzTXl8j3WdQ2B4ybbdIDPZVGpPVvbOj90GBkQ6_j28eVQLSuFGIc7uhIkRWqLCthL7Ihmoeu5znnf1Mx7QqeAU5YdOf-TkP2XXH-zLuheal4ShEJG8R5Yp9v/s320/going+native%2521" width="230" /></a></div>(I realize it's a bit insidey, but it'll be less insidey if you go listen to and watch the podcast! do it! do it now!)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
I sent it off to Jerzy, since that's the only email I could find on the web, and he wrote back with a really nice thank you.<br />
<br />
Lemme tellya, there is a <i>wealth</i> of inspiration in these shows. I will never lack for subject matter! Thanks you guys!<br />
<br />
(I hope I do not sound like one of those weird stalker fans)</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20417200.post-36835413554413581762012-01-01T21:43:00.000-08:002012-01-01T21:43:39.766-08:00Illustration Friday - Highlight<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj32Y0Bfh4R6Hcx-hgX6zmDi5LhKi8RplbHrKbFf42WOMbCkSZXbg92BE44twC1BAKhUrgQ7OMSZdmW46eLc-_vwziVyjfFwiTA_4BAaBD4XLxWFpRCg-OyxGMPiBvMq3Bl32kj/s1600/IMG_6384.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj32Y0Bfh4R6Hcx-hgX6zmDi5LhKi8RplbHrKbFf42WOMbCkSZXbg92BE44twC1BAKhUrgQ7OMSZdmW46eLc-_vwziVyjfFwiTA_4BAaBD4XLxWFpRCg-OyxGMPiBvMq3Bl32kj/s320/IMG_6384.jpg" width="235" /></a></div><br />
This week's word-topic for IF is Highlight.<br />
<br />
I used a Pentel pocket brush for all the linework and some bits of inking. It's definitely a skill I need to practice! Not the most excited about this picture, but that's okay. I like the concept, which is based on a true story:<br />
<br />
Last month I was out walking and saw a neighbor and her little dog ahead of me. She was carrying this huge limb and I just started laughing, and snapped a couple photos. I was pretty sure she was going to use it for a border in her yard or something but it's just too good, right? I mean sometimes you DO see dogs dragging around massive branches. I caught up to her after I saw her dump the branch on her lawn next to the flower bed and as she entered her house I told her how funny it was to see that, with her tiny dog. "OH! ha ha! I didn't even think of that!"<br />
<br />
I'd like to draw another picture of this one. When I have more gumption :)<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>Victoria Koldewynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12783353299123952396noreply@blogger.com3