a thousand faces

And now for something....

2012-01-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

....a little different!

For the last few days I've been working on a Big Project. I'm preparing a separate blog post about that one! I can say that it involves my first ever client and my first ever official freelance job!!! AHHH!!! But, I needed a break from that, so I switched gears and finished a piece I started a few days ago. I found this website that issues weekly art challenges

Weekly Art Challenge!

and although I missed the deadline for submission to the collective, I thought last week's challenge was great: redo a piece you created last year. And improve upon it (key word here). I did this Lollie in a woodcut many months ago.

Here's the redo

I redid it as a Zap comic book cover!

Well that was fun :-) I encourage you to embrace your Inner Lollie, whatever that means to you. I love her so! She definitely needs to go in a Tarot deck (guess which card?).

~~And I anticipate having a scanner reeeeal soon.~~

ARF!! Sunday January 22 update: I now have an 11 x 17 Epson scanner!! (backstory on that one real soon)

It was a Dark and Rainy Night...

2012-01-10T22:24:00.000-08:00

....and my friend Yona was having a hissy fit about the state of the weather. Especially since she'd just returned from a sunny and warm six weeks in Oaxaca. I share her sentiments. (I wish I could put together such outfits and pull them off like she does too, but hey - at least I can draw her in her fabulosity!!) We were hanging out at the library, feryerinfermation.

Luckily for all of us, it was sunny today!!

We've been enjoying quite a number of bonus days here in the Pacific Northwest, actually.

On other fronts: I've been gearing up for the almost sure-fire eventuality that I will have an interview soon for a full-time job at the campus library. Many thoughts on this rattling around in the ol' tin can!

And I yam tard....that is, my brain, it doth tire and gimble in the wabe. And so for now, adieu, dear readers....I am for snoresville soonishly!

Illustration Friday - Grounded

2012-01-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

YAW!

I loved doing this one. Started to really roll once Jane's Addiction shuffled through on the iTunage. I've been reading Calvin and Hobbes again lately (can you tell). Also Amelia Rules! by Jimmy Gownley. It's super fun and our library has several volumes. Another good one is Ottos' Orange Day by Jay Lynch and Frank Cammuso. Also been digging the art of Dan Santat. And last but definitely not least, Jhonen Vasquez. You may know him best because Nickelodeon picked him up to do Invader Zim (Jhonen's....friendly side).

Next I want to start paying particular attention to backgrounds. Sure I'm always looking at them when I'm reading (drooling over) comics and graphic novels. But, Happy New Year you resolution you, now I'll start applying stuff and messing around more. Yes. I will. Mess around!!!

Comics Are Great

2012-01-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

Wanna know why? I bet you already do. But I bet you'll be more informed, inspired and generally happy about comics if you head over to Comics Are Great and listen to the show. Jerzy Drozd, I've mentioned before, is a teaching artist who loves comics. CAG is one of his myriad projects in partnership with Ann Arbor Library District. In the audio (and visual) podcasts he teams up with other artists around the globe who impart loads of information about everything comic related: creative process, time management, the nuts and bolts of publishing - including self-publishing and webcomics - and a whole host of nifty chunky useful bits. Plus, it's entertaining.

I've been following Jerzy off and on for a couple of years now, ever since I found his collaborative flagship podcast project Art and Story. The byline is "The show that digs deep into the craft of cartooning". Definitely lives up to that claim!! Jerzy and Mark Rudolph, along with Kevin Cross, were a very merry trio and I spent a lot of time listening to them while I drew, painted, or carved blocks for printing. Art and Story rocked!! They recently discontinued the podcasts in pursuit of various other individual projects. All of their content is archived beautifully online and is an invaluable resource. There is a LOT of content.

It's not only for the hard facts of illustrating and the inner workings of All That Mysterious Stuff that I listen to these artists. I remember when I first stumbled on Art and Story. Three guys who are not only experienced, working, successful awesome artists - but who offered their insights in an interesting and entertaining way? No way! I could not believe my good fortune! I loved listening to them banter; it was like three brothers in the next room yukking it up minus the gross machismo. And these guys were never too cool to laugh. A lot. Which I also loved. And they never slammed other artists either.

Jerzy is a live wire. He kinda reminds me of my brother Christopher (my bro would've been 50 this year!! whoah!!). Whacky, mischievous, off-center, but grounded too. There is even a resemblance in their faces. So that's pretty cool! I really get a kick out of how enthusiastic Jerzy is about his craft. You should really watch a podcast for a sense of his personality.

So here are some crappy photos of a mini comic I did, a little love note to Comics Are Great and to the great work that Jerzy is doing. I don't know what's going on with my camera; it doesn't seem to take very good photos of anything in less than full-on summer sunshine anymore. I'm aiming for some scans when I go back to work next week.

Good Lord! ~~Those pictures are freakin' HUGE!~~* Best if you're not on dial-up. I wonder how these would look on an iPhone or other mobile device? These things I have yet to learn.

*I now have a scanner! New shiny pics and not so huge but hopefully big enough.

So this comic needs some back story. I realize that the target audience is very small, unless you are familiar with Jerzy's podcast presence. It would be funnier if everyone already knew the insidey jokes, but anyway:

I was watching Ratatouille. Again. You know how much I love that show!! I always want to send my personal thanks to everyone who made that come to life. I mean it astonishes me. From the opening lines, I thought Wow! Remy and Jerzy sound so much alike! Their inflection and cadence, even their energy. Cracked me up. I started mulling over this, and continued watching podcasts and gathering snippets of information:

Like how Jerzy's choice of superpower, if he had one, would be to shoot laser beams out of his eyes. And how he does believe that anyone can draw comics (which mirrors perfectly Gusteau's adage that 'anyone can cook'!). Jerzy has a tremendous web presence. And he always closes the shows he hosts (and co-hosts) with, "Oh - kay - BYE". He usually wears a black button-down over a tshirt, and 'tributary' is his 'tangent'.

I totally loved drawing this. I think Jerzy will receive it in the spirit it's meant. Gah, I hope he doesn't feel too weirded out or self-conscious! But he's a big personality! I don't know how the hell he does so much all the time, but dude - hats off! And Comics Are Great! And PS - don't forget to take a break now and then.

Lean Into Art

2012-01-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

I just wanna do a quick post, because in my next post I'm going to talk more about art podcasts and their creators that tie into this one.

I've just started listening to Lean Into Art hosted by Jerzy Drozd and Rob Stenzinger. They're both working and teaching artists with loads of panache (but not snooty panache) and experience about illustration and comics in particular. This collaborative effort is gaining ground and I hope it continues to soar. I also wish I was in a position to take classes from these guys! But, in typical generous fashion, they're offering a multitude of podcasts that introduce you to their ~~pyramid scheme~~ course structure (ha ha j/k guys) , and a boatload of other stuff that serve very well as stand-alones. If you're into comics, web design, publishing and general skullduggery, these are your go-to geeks. They're fun to listen to, as well.

The other day I listened to the LIA podcast #17 Mad About Design. In it Rob and Jerzy touched on how different their clients are in terms of personality, needs, style, expectations - and how they would adjust their own response or interaction to suit. Jerzy said that one client was very informal and would call up saying something like,

"Dude, could you just make me a totally awesome drawing of dude on a surfboard wearing nothing but a bandana on his..."

and Jerzy would say something like, "Duuude, like no problemo!" (which is totally, like, unlike regular Jerzy speak)

Rob then shared how some of his clients would sound something like,

"Yes hello Mr. Stenzinger, would you be so kind as to consider our proposal for a project? We would be most delighted to hire you..."

And they talked about how Rob already has the 'long haired creative type guy' thing going, all he needed to do was add a sweater vest, cummerbund - and spats - a cane!

So yeah, I had to draw this......too good to pass up, right?

(I realize it's a bit insidey, but it'll be less insidey if you go listen to and watch the podcast! do it! do it now!)

I sent it off to Jerzy, since that's the only email I could find on the web, and he wrote back with a really nice thank you.

Lemme tellya, there is a wealth of inspiration in these shows. I will never lack for subject matter! Thanks you guys!

(I hope I do not sound like one of those weird stalker fans)

Illustration Friday - Highlight

2012-01-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

This week's word-topic for IF is Highlight.

I used a Pentel pocket brush for all the linework and some bits of inking. It's definitely a skill I need to practice! Not the most excited about this picture, but that's okay. I like the concept, which is based on a true story:

Last month I was out walking and saw a neighbor and her little dog ahead of me. She was carrying this huge limb and I just started laughing, and snapped a couple photos. I was pretty sure she was going to use it for a border in her yard or something but it's just too good, right? I mean sometimes you DO see dogs dragging around massive branches. I caught up to her after I saw her dump the branch on her lawn next to the flower bed and as she entered her house I told her how funny it was to see that, with her tiny dog. "OH! ha ha! I didn't even think of that!"

I'd like to draw another picture of this one. When I have more gumption :)

Not Dead Yet

2011-12-31T23:33:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing rumors that the world is supposed to end some time soon. Yeah yeah I've heard that one before! It's tomorrow in India, and I see that The Nothing hasn't consumed the subcontinent. And that's good, because I still haven't drawn up a list of New Year's Resolutions.

So I'm home again after finally finding the party I was invited to, on the other side of the hill. Short version: we ate home made tamales (thanks Mija, you are awesome!), imbibed margueritas (thanks Josh, who transported his new super duper industrial strength blender), planned a future party, did a few crafty things, and I drew this while the two guys talked about semiotics, er, semantics, er....both!

Jared (Neil? Damian? Jordan? what is your name again?): "Okay so how many syllables is this? 'w.w.w.' Count 'em. It's like fifty. Just say world wide web, man, that's the real shortcut". Neil/Jared/Charles/Simon had a HUGE glass of wine, I failed to draw that to scale. But you get the idea.

Happy New Year y'all!

ps. Three years ago to the day, I was in a plane flying to India. Whacky. Technically I had already landed. That year I celebrated my birthday twice. Think about it: India is, what, 12 hours ahead. I was born in America, at 12:40pm on February 27th. That means in India, it was February 28th at 12:40am. It's so weird to think about India...like a Dali-esque period in my life. Er, I have lot of D-Periods actually. Well, here's toasting to the next one! Cheers!

Deluge, Glorious Wreckage, Comics Are Great

2011-12-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

If I didn't mention it before - and you know by now that much of my life and blogposts orbit around the weather - it is raining in earnest, after rows of days marching by in relative un-dampness. Witness:

While all that rain and wind is thrashing around, I've been listening to this Comics Are Great! podcast hosted by Jerzy Drozd. As I mentioned in a previous post, you can Google Jerzy and find a plethora of sites and projects he creates and is involved with. A wonderful artist, he teaches workshops and facilitates knowledge transfer with an enthusiasm, panache and exuberance that is so inspiring and fun. This particular podcast is paneled by four teens who have been making comics for years and they impart a generous whallop of wisdom. Their love of comics and industry, thoughtful responses and involvement is exciting to witness. Check it out!

And, while listening to the young creators, I've accepted my own offer of drawing cartoons, making some more fan art! It's something I can do while listening to the podcast, and absorb what is being said. If I'm working from scratch I find it's too much for my brain to split attention between drawing and listening. Here's my outtake from the wonderful graphic novel Wonderland written by Tommy Kovac and illustrated by Sonny Liew. Swooning!!

Once again I have worked myself into a tiny little corner of my studio space. Time to lever myself out of this chair and clear the table to begin anew. Ahoy mateys!

Illustration Friday - Messenger

2011-12-28T14:05:00.000-08:00

I'm taking up the torch again; ironically, I'm fueled by the torrential rains (I'm staying inside and drawing today, you see). After about three weeks of no rain (lots of clouds though), we're finally back to real pacific northwest weather. Ah, the 'torch'? Illustration Friday!. It's been a long time.

This week's topic/random word is Messenger.

If you know me at all, you'll know that usually rain doesn't stop me from going out. You'll also know that I don't own a car, but I do own a bicycle, and my two feet and legs (and a bus pass). But this is practically a monsoon. A monsoon, I tell you! Oy! Mr. Messenger! I guess I need to borrow yer Wellies!

2011-12-26T21:27:00.000-08:00

Ahoy! Greetings from the wheelhouse of Flagship V! It's not quite wet enough out there to start calling in animals two by two, buuuut it is raining once again here in the Pacific Northwest's Willamette Valley. By the looks of it, we are destined for drenching.

Our December Freeze is over, for which I am eternally thankful. There is a huge difference in twelve degrees daytime temps, especially when it's damp. 46 beats 34 no contest. This is positively balmy!

I decided that maybe it would be fun to sit around and copy cartoons, you know, like you did when you were a kid? Today I picked up a book I had on reserve at the library: Otto's Orange Day by Frank Cammuso, illustrator, and Jay Lynch, writer (who I've learned is a big name in underground comics). The book is geared for kids, the drawings are really fun and the story is snappy. Here are some of my copy/interpretations.

And here's a page from said book

Have I mentioned how much I love comics. Mr. Cammuso's characters are so bouncy, rubbery and borderline manic. Just like I like 'em.

So, speaking of comics!! I've been listening to the podcasts over at Comics Are Great!. It's the brainchild of Jerzy Drozd, co-facilitated by Ann Arbor District Library, and roundtabled with guest artists from all over the globe. It's a truly fantastic production. You can google Jerzy because he has an umpteen websites and is involved with lots of different projects - all geared towards comics, teaching comics, singing praises to comics, drawing and talking about comics. I really like this program because there is a live feed each wednesday 9:30am EST and the casts are available to view in an archive - and they include video. The guests are practicing and professional comic artists and there is a wealth of information offered. And, they have a lot of fun doing it.

One of my latest favorite artists is Rebecca Clements. Her website is adorable, pure joy, and even though her webcomic Ruffle Hall is unfinished and on indefinite hiatus, the few pages are so packed full of fun and whimsy that I'm feeling well-fed.

I jammed on the last sticker from the pack that Anthead sent, and now I'm going to watch some BBC. Lately I've been really into The Human Planet and Wild China. Top-notch. Did you know that there are bats the size of bumblebees? And they live inside the hollow stems of bamboo? And they all puppy-pile inside together? It's true! It's amazing! This world is truly astonishing.

yo! ho ho!

2011-12-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

Where have you guys been?! What have you been up to? What did I miss??

Well, my tan has faded and with it my chances for skin cancer (I guess) (trying to look on the bright side of winter here, folks!). We've just had nearly three weeks of no serious rain, which has been hallelujah. At the same time I'm wondering if I should import a camel, because are we now in a drought? I have been assured that La Niña will be in residence (second year running - who re-elected her anyways?). I am sure that she will make a proper spectacle of herself. The season is yet young.

I landed a very part-time job at the community college campus library. It nearly pays for rent. I'm not whining, just doling out the facts. I keep learning how to live on less! And bless me and all of us who have paid our 'fair share' of taxes over the years, because now at least I can claim penury, enough to be given a food stipend from the State. It is something I really am grateful for. I was also able to defer my school loans!

The next news of glad tidings is this: a full time position at the library, my current place of employ, has been posted. It was an internal posting, and I was given much good advice and editing from a co-worker for my résumé and cover letter. There were even those lovely Supplemental Questionnaire Questions at the verrry end of the whole application process (surprise!!). After I hit Send, I received an automated email response confirming my submission. This was rapidly followed by another form email declaring that I did not qualify.

At this point, all I could do was laugh. Loudly, heartily and rather maniacally. Got on the horn with HR and asked What seems to be the trouble? Basically I haven't logged in enough hours as an employee to qualify as an internal applicant. I have worked 115 hours. To qualify, one must have worked at minimum 1040 hours.

Here are the glad tidings I spoke of earlier! There weren't enough internal applicants and so the job has been posted to the general public. I mean, that's good, right? It is. Sure, I will be competing with a few hundred other people. But, I have a leg up: about a dozen years experience in the specific areas they're looking for, and 115 hours at the community college. Ka-Pow!

Full time will be a definite change. I haven't worked a full time job for a decade. I haven't needed to. I don't have a mortgage. Or a car. Sure I have expensive tastes, but I can amuse myself for very little. A full time job will give me a chance to catch up, and hey, health insurance would be freaking awesome! But (a Privileged But), a big adjustment.

So there's that.

Oh! Right! I'm not in school anymore, either. I thought maybe I'd be ready to return this Fall? Nope. Dang! Freaking me out with the school loans ratcheting up. And, my heart isn't in it (lame as that sounds). So, on to earning money instead of incurring debt! Hooray!

Here are some doodles I diddled today. This guy sent me a pretty sweet sticker pack, with some left open for me to jam on. Happy Hols, y'all!

Next post, I'll insert some Highly Recommendeds for webcomics and podcasts! Stay tuned!

schmorg as Borg

2011-09-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Okay look. When you advertise an apartment (cottage, flat, duplex, etc) for rent and say, 'all utilities included except/excluding heat (electricity, gas, etc)', it's just.....oxymoronic. Okay? Plus, it's irritating. Yeah yeah I'm scouting for a new place to live. I'm also looking for a job. Exciting times!

We're in a long (for this region) heat wave (relatively speaking) right now; our first week-plus of September has been in the way upper 80s/low 90s. This is when the crickets saw out the hot jazz songs as the sun sets and I love that. This is when the sun is white-hot (for this region) (relatively speaking) and I feel kinda like I'm on some other planet (it's such a stark contrast to the low-slung grey skies and persistent downpours that mantle the valley for months and months of the year). I like this planet. Yes I know that our ozone is depleting and the UV rays are mega bad for you (and me), but I am totally digging this righteous tan I have from hours out in the sun bicycling and gardening.

There's a haze from horizon to horizon, too. Did you ever see Pitch Black? Well it's set on a really hot, really bright, very barren planet. Super intense sun in the day - super intense dark at night. That's what this weather reminds me of, and with this haze refracting the light weirdly it's also like living in some sorta post-apocalyptic Polaroid.

I'll need to bookmark this post for looksies when, in December, I haven't seen sun or open sky for awhile. This is proof that the sun does in fact exist when, in January, I begin to seriously doubt it and think I must have been on some other planet (one of my own fabrication):

Do people outside of the Pacific Northwest wear Keens? If you don't then you won't recognize the tan lines on my feet.

Oh for eff's sake. Someone is blogging about their tan lines. Ugh!

I dunno what's happened with my art; it's kinda dried up over the last couple five weeks or so. I did manage a Lollie

and it was fun to dink around with the Pentel Brushpen. I'm feeling more gnarly (post-apocalyptic?) lately and sweet Lollie just ain't cuttin' it for me right now. Oh dear.

I'll close with a reading recommend, a great chewy chunky epic of a lusty spirited crack-me-over-the-head-with-a-crowbar book: Shantaram. My friend Yona lent it to me and I totally churned my way through it, completely engrossed and riveted, for all 944 pages. It hit me hard on many levels and I've been dreaming at night about family members both living and dead, the loss, and potentiate connections never realized; about named and nameless lovers who I will never see for various reasons......ye gods.

Go read it. Even though I'm heart-wrenched, I highly recommend it. Gregory David Roberts writes beautifully (seems a pale and trite word, ugh). If any slivered part of you feels refugee, you will love it too I'm betting.

Stayin' Alive ah ah ah ah

2011-08-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Whoah, I gave myself a startle when I went to my blog home page. It looks so....new and.....spiffy! (for those of you who haven't followed for any length of time, I used the same template for over five years and last week just changed it)

I uh......what the hell.......have I been uh.......doing? Basically staying outside in the sunshine for as long as possible, and very little by way of 'art'. I guess I am in one of those dry spells. Ehhhh. I keep meaning to write down, on a series of 3 x 5 cards, what to do when these dry spells hit instead of doing the 'why am I not doing any ART' and freaking out all over myself schtick:

Oh, well, I did clean the studio. Shiny! It's kinda freaky how sparkly it is in here. Floor to (almost) ceiling. Bought some mums and potted them in big pots with lots of room to spread out and hopefully they will be the perennials they are supposed to be. Applied for a part time office job at a local acupuncturist....it's called Acupuncture for the People Awesome. Sliding scale, no income verification, you can be treated for as little as $15. That and selling some art could pay the bills.

Hey what do you guys do when you hit a dry spell? How many blogposts on the planet are there about this, anyway? At least a half a metric ton I would imagine. I know what Douglas Adams would say.....

I was recently reminded (during studio cleanup/cleanout) that one of the funnest, best, inexpensive investments are these:

Because then you can put your ATCs (if you are so inclined to trade) or ACEOs (if you are inclined to sell) inside of them.

They're so frikkin' cute. I mean really how fun is that, to make your own trading cards? Reminds me of when I was little and collected the cartoon cards from inside the Wonder Bread (remember that?).

There is something very cool about seeing your art in print, in different sizes, and in different contexts. A couple of my pieces are downtown for ESAP (Eugene Storefront Art Project). This organization fills empty street-facing businesses with local artists' works. I don't walk by the storefront my two works are in hardly ever, but when I did, I had to laugh.....one is a semi-serious landscape (the obligatory in painting class from a couple semesters ago) and the other is that Blue Jay one you know? It's not a nice picture of a bird; it's a human-bird hybrid portrait. Atypical for what you would see in storefronts. Oh, I didn't post that here, did I? I was pretty excited when I worked on it (first time painting on a canvas) but now, well you know how it goes.....so much further to take it.....but still, it was fun at the time yeah.

Anyway. I'm going to toast Sookie and the gang with a home made cranberry wine blended and watch the latest episode of True Blood.

I wish I had a spoon-straw.

Speedball Secrets and Uni Pins

2011-08-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

Now, what do you think that title refers to?? Well it's not anything to do with mixing uppers and downers. I just found out something! Look at this!

The end of the handle for the linocutting tool can be removed to store a cache of other tools! (or, whatever) (ssssshhhhhhhh). Did you know this?? Ha! I only know it because I was leafing through a Daniel Smith catalog just now and saw it in a picture! Gee. The brayer handles do the same thing (I own two brayers). What'll I put inside those?? (shhhhhhhhh)

Here's another little tip: there is a great online store called Stationery Art where you can buy all sorts of goodies for very very reasonable prices and unbelievably low shipping costs.

For example: the Uni Pin. It's better than a Micron (according to some). I found the pens, the Uni Pins, on Stationery Art for about a buck fifty each. It's double that on all the UK sites I visited, and shipping is about six US dollars. At Stationery Art I bought four of the pens in varying sizes and shipping was two dollars. I received them in four days. They ship from Japan. I am shitting you not. Furthermore, the UniPins are awesomenessss.

Want one of those Pentel Brush Pocket Pens? Want to pay less than Amazon, even? Okay! On Amazon you could buy a pen with two cartridges for ten bucks and if you're a Prime member, shipping would be free. At this nifty overseas online store you can buy a pen and four cartridges (refills) for ten bucks and that immaculately conceived shipping price. I bought one last year. It works great.

Yesterday I decided to treat myself to a purchase: Pentel water brush pen. Where you fill the reservoir yourself. Oh yes. Four brushes for eighteen bucks. Niiiice!

Ahhhhhh......you must've seen that Credit Limit Report notification up there, sitting under the Speedball. Yeah. I can go to the community college and receive financial aid next term: but only for ten more credits. Then, they cut me off. I should've said I need THIRTY more credits instead of being honest and saying ten will do, when they sent me a notice and I needed to justify. Ah hells I don't even want to think about school right now. I'm still in summer vacation mode. Math? UGH.

I was going to transfer over to the University in Fall but then I decided to take summer off......summer off is feeling mighty fine, still.

Okay later you guys. Yona is gonna try and sneak me into the Eugene Celebration so I can see the Object Afterlife show (which she is exhibiting in). Ah! There's the call!

Industry and Mayhem

2011-08-25T11:18:00.000-07:00

Just now home from taking down the show at Ninkasi. You see the state of things around here. If I drank Red Bull I'd be slamming a few cans to fortify myself before tackling the aftermath, reorganization, cleanup, etc........no sales at the show. Ah well. I did, however, meet someone who works at Ninkasi. James is a nice fellow; he said Ninkasi has been invited to pour at a Gala Event in BelAir to honor Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn (why??). The rep from said Gala Event, while visiting Ninkasi, said to bring some art.....my art. Ha ha! So I could mark up my sunflower print to, what, an easy grand or two? Seems like a pipe dream at this point but maybe I'll pursue the line of inquiry.

(Ninkasi, by the way, is our local brewery)

Here are a couple of shots that my friend Jacque took while the show was up (once again I forgot to take photos and this morning I just wanted to get in, get out):

Umm...there are a whole bunch more pieces hung around the place that looked pretty nifty! The Ninkasi inlay piece in the floor is fantastic; it's done by local artist Jamie Buress.

So then I packed everything up (acrylics, prints, paintings, watercolors, inventory) into two bike panniers, slung my bigass portfolio over my shoulder after securing another flat containing the inventory prints to the rack on my bike, and carried two of my large pieces in my left hand while steering with my right, and rode home.

I looked like one of the Clampetts.

Thank god it's not raining.

Here are some excerpts from the Guest book I left for folks to sign.

"I think you guys & girls have the potential to ROCK MY FACE OFF!"

"Boom shakal-a-shaka! (ps this message would have been boring pre-beer. xoxo PDX"

"Amber waves really made this our last stop & a good one! come visit us in SF & try local brewing! <3 the vanilla stout! Cheers! A.W.R."

"Sophie, Thanks for referring us to here! :) -Adam & April SLC, UT"

"Love this beer! Eugene Rocks - Brendan's Mom from So. Cal"

"KOO!"

"Had a great time with friends! THANKS"

"great key lime juice! squeeze!"

"Dear Jamie, I Love You! I love your beer in my mouth! Love, The Wench"

YEAH!! Thanks, people! I made the beer myself, that's why I put an ARTIST'S GUESTBOOK here beside my business cards and ART for you to sign! ha ha!! pretty fucking hilarious, I think.

So there were actually a few comments directed to me, the artist, about the art. Which was pretty cool:

"How long does it take to heat up a pretzel?"

oh wait a second....(no this really IS in the guest book......it's like.......a subway bathroom wall or something!!)

"Happy birthday!! Oh oops my bad this isn't a birthday ard. Props on getting a showcase here, you're very talented I hope to see more keep it up brodda popping bi - N.......???"

Who wrote that? Were you inebriated? I don't care! Tell your friends to buy some of my awesome art! I am tired of looking at it on my walls!

Occam's Razor

2011-08-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

.....or, K.I.S.S.

I'm not going in to the finer points of Occam's Law of Parsimony, but it's the one I am going to use to remind myself and anyone else who wants reminding that looking in the most obvious place is often the path of least resistance......WHAT? Define 'obvious', you say? Ah! Obvious is obvious in hindsight I guess.

I wanted to add some things to this Olde Blog, like those nifty share bars with Twitter, Facebook, and a host of other social networking sites. I googled all sorts of phrases and read all sorts of tutorials and messed around with HTML and some of worked but not in the way I really wanted. Finally during a conversation with a friend she said she just added hers from the widgets in Blogger.

Gee. I guess it's been awhile since I posted, or dug around in Blogger to familiarize myself with the newfangled thingies. WHAT?! Define 'newfangled'!! Today's newfangled is tomorrow's Olde Passé.

You'll notice that you can now subscribe to the blog and receive emails whenever I post new content; you'll also notice that the Share Bar of Niftyness is now included at the end of each post. And it even works, I Liked myself and it shows up all shiny on my Facebook profile.

What else good came of all that? I practiced patience, fellow grasshopper. When something did not work, I did not lose my shit. I kept trying stuff. And tinkering. Lemme say that the most excellent weather is a definite help. WHAT? Define 'most excellent weather'!!

1: sunshine, blue sky, warmth, no howling wind

Warmth: Above 75 degrees.

Two weeks into August, our True Summer finally arrived. YESSSSSS!

Here are a couple of fun art things I did a couple weeks ago but lately nothing new except for doodles, sketches, stickers, and drawing on my leg.

Heh heh heh. Ever feel like that? Oh sure you do!!

I love these guys:

Watercolor and pigment pen on coldpress w/c paper. Best Friends Forever!!!

So yeah I also set up an Etsy store. No sales yet, but I haven't done a lot of Friending and Circling and Treasury Listing like I guess you are supposed to for promotion. The above two are $12 for an 8 x 10 print.

I'm also tossing around the idea of a making a website through GoDaddy. Any advice? Welcome to drop me a line or two in the comments or email.

My latest absolute favorite online comic/graphic novel is Dream Life by Salgood Sam (or Sadax Golum or Maxim Douglas). Do press on past the first page. His use of traditional and digital combined make for delicious viewing. I am over the heels in love with his style. I really do literally curse in admiration and awe when I look at his artwork.

That's it for now....oh wait! There's a new Hourly Comic up!

You can view the whole Day's Worth on our team blog over here. Think about joining us and post your own comic, that'd be pretty awesome.

Pretty Lights

2011-07-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

I have just discovered the newest wonder of the world. It is called Pretty Lights. This guy is amaaaaaazing. The music is a synthesis of vintage funk, trip hop, ambient, downbeat, jazz, trance and other stuff I have no words for. It is the perfect music to finally kick off the summer!!

His website features samples and free downloads...and a donate button that I urge you to click upon. You determine how much you'd like to support Mr. Derek Smith in Pretty Lights. Major props, dude.

Last night I listened to PL for hours and drew Lollie being extremely happy with a buttercup under her chin:

Actually I think she found some cross-pollinated buttercup/dandelion/sunflowers.

So Lollie has been saving my life this last month. If you're familiar with my sticker art over on Flickr you will have seen Lollie in many incarnations. Mostly as a crazed woman. But always with the wild red hair. Last month the sun came out for a few days and I started drawing Lollie as this super insanely happy girl of various ages.

I also tabled at a First Friday Artwalk event and Lollie brought the house down!! Sold a lot of postcards and prints of the watercolor drawings I'd done during June. Thank you everyone, and thank you Lollie!! It was a LOT of fun, lots of traffic, and I felt very well received. I was also situated across from a Fine Art gallery, which I thought was great. Power to the street artists!!

I restrained myself going fisticuffs with one of the guys who got the ball rolling on the First Friday event: he remarked that he legitimized street artists by putting them into the gallery. Yes. 'Legitimized'. Oh I said something to him but I didn't break out the brass knuckles.

Last friday my landlady Joan treated me to dinner at our local Friendly Street Market cafe restaurant. I talked with the owner, Mario (from Italy, but of course), about hanging some art. He said sure, bring it on in! Just put it wherever you want. And he didn't charge me any fees, and doesn't take any cut of the sales. I will be making a special Lollie for him. I sold stuff right on the spot there too.

I am so sweet on Lollie. Totally charmed. Second childhood!! When I said she's been saving my life, I mean that in a saving grace sort of way. I'm always so happy and often smiling pretty big when I draw her. I was never into baby anythings, or flowers, but something.....is....happening to me!!!

When Joan's two granddaughters were visiting a couple weeks ago (Violet is 7 and Alice is 9), I surreptitiously took many photographs of them playing. They were soooo cute. Being kids, just doing their thing, totally in it.

Here's Lollie with her first library card (she signed it all by herself!!). The youngster on the left is modeled after Violet.

Here's the first Lollie, when the sun came out in June:

You see what I'm sayin'???? I mean...I was NEVER the princess/tiara in a tutu type as a kid. I've never worn a tutu in my LIFE!! Oh Lollie! I love ya!! Jumping for the joy!

But, Lollie is also comfy in cargos:

And what does Lollie do when the clouds descend?? Beer and snacks of course!!

Okay there is sunshine out there to soak up. The forecast is for 'partly cloudy'.....for the next five days. Around here (at least this year) partly cloudy means totally overcast. So, today, I am going to revel. Happy summer y'all.

Oh and if anyone has any experience selling their work online (say, though Etsy, or any of the print-on-demand websites), I'd love to hear about it. I'm doing some research and trying to decide which avenues to pursue to build up some income and generate some more love for Lollie.

I started getting all weird and cramped up about money......and then I went back to just drawing what I love and how I love to draw it and I felt better again. Let that be a lesson to us (again!!). Muchos abrazos! And all that sweet stuff.

can you believe it

2011-06-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's June 1st. Just a day, a string of words, but it always signifies for me the real beginning of summery weather. Here in the Pacific Northwest, June didn't get that memo. We're in for another cool wet one like last year, where it rained all but three days. Did I already bark about this? I guess the weather has been pretty crazy all over the place. I'm trying to make peace with it, I really am, but I literally long for sunshine and warmth. I wore gloves today. And a rain coat. And a sweatshirt. And a long sleeve.

And two pairs of socks.

Well! Sure glad I have warm clothing! And, admittedly, truthfully, honestly.....I'm glad I'm not suffering in the heat and extreme humidity of South India as I was two years back. I have problems of the privileged, I do realize.

I think I may do a print of this. I'm back in love with printmaking. This term is nearly finished; next week is finals and then I will not have access to the print studio (no studio art classes this term for me, just math and an art history). But, I can still hand print from home! That is one of the coolest things about printing: DIY! No extra special equipment needed, at least with relief printing.

The other night I was out with a friend and as we left the coffee shop and strolled across the parking lot (we did not need to duck and run because......Gasp!....it wasn't pelting down rain!)...as we strolled, I saw out of the corner of my eye someone I thought I recognized. Isn't it interesting how without even really knowing someone, after only seeing them briefly, we can recognize someone from the back or the sideways just by the way they walk or hold their backpack? So I stopped and said, "Hey aren't you in my math class?" And he is, so we talked a bit.

Later I thought Huh. Why did I phrase the question that way? Why not instead say, "Hey, aren't we in the same Math 105 class?"

Today I saw the guy, Adam, at the library while I was working and I said Hi again and told him about my reconsideration of how I posed the question to him. "You're taking control of the math class!" he grinned. "And you're welcome to it!"

But really now. It's occurring to me that the reason I used an assertive statement like that was because I'd been on a date (yes really folks). And I'd been monitoring myself (yes really folks). And noticing that I was the one who was being assertive, in the sense that I voiced my curiosity in the conversation more than the person I was drinking tea with. Not aggressively probing or cross-examining. It's not that I had to keep the ball rolling, we laughed a lot and the conversation was easy and it was a good time.....but yes I think that I was continuing my assertive behavior.

Because usually, I am a very co-operative, inclusive sort of person so I was really surprised later when I realized how I'd posed that question to my classmate.

People! We're nutty! I love us!

The Process Post

2011-05-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

hey! hi!

The term is just humming along and all that stuff, it's good. Busy, challenging, etc etc. Have been working on a final project for relief printmaking, the independent study class. Yesterday I did a second print run.....and the registrations were off. By, like, a mile. On many of the prints. The press is all effed up and aargh. Felt really discouraged at the end of the day....I take that back. Not Really Discouraged. Just discouraged, with a diminutive d.

This morning I woke up thinking, I could do another very small print run, start from ground zero, and try another press. So I cut down some paper, called AppleCare (my computer has been freezing up; I am in the midst of troubleshooting right now pray for it pray for it, I don't have another car to sell for a new computer..), set some gears in motion, and then spent the day up on campus with a cadre of other printmaking students all trying to figure out their own processes.....

I figured some stuff out. And, I think the printing turned out really great! I still have a run of six to do that are half-finished but I was able to salvage a few good prints. Here's a quick breakdown:

The first block. I had originally planned out four blocks, but I accidentally cut out part of the red tshirt.......nix that block.

Fortunately I had three other good ones so I decided to print two colors on one pass, and it worked out pretty well - even though the orange marigold and the red shirt lie right next to one another. (Original edition of 12 was run, and I started another 6 today which are in this first stage here)

Yesterday I ran the second block through, blue. I wanted a bluish green, it looks more blue here -- to balance the warm colors, and the green would complement the red; the blue would complement the orange.

Third/final/key block. POW!!!!

Here's a proof I pulled; usually I need to ink up the block two or three times and run a print before the block is conditioned and the ink lies on properly, spreads evenly, and I get a feel for how much to put down for good coverage (but not too much, or it's gooey and the pressure of the press makes the edges fuzzy). I like this one too, actually!

I used the same press as I did yesterday because the one I wanted to use today was in use. The other other press I tried but it bounced all over and made my registration even worse. So I stuck with the Pelican (printing press name), and figured out its quirks (which seems to change as fast as the weather around here).

A satisfying day.

Prints are on Stonehenge, 16 x 20" and I am figuring out a price for them.

Here's the backstory: my friend Alex who lives in Leeds is the model for this one. I can't remember how many prints of him I've posted...but I've done a few of him. We both love Nirvana. Nirvana's song Marigold is also one of our favorites. I decided to see what, if any, symbolism surrounds marigolds. I found that they signify creativity and passion - cool! Alex is an artist! Also, some cultures believe that dabbing marigold water on your eyelids induces psychic visions; if you place the petals under your pillow you will have prophetic dreams. Awesome!

By the way, I didn't know that the End of the World had been predicted by, who, a Mr. Camper or someone? On May 21st? Which also happens to be Alex's birthday. RIGHTEOUS!!!

Undressed, dressing-down

2011-05-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

The thing is, we are (by nature? nurture? both?) fixated on the pleasure principle. Standing in the light. Why is it so bad to be blind, fumbling, neurotic, unsure, desultory? (why would we want to dwell in lacklustery?)

Every time my focus locks on the next 'it' (the fun 'it', the soothing/acceptable/flashy 'it'), of recapturing the moment when I am groovy gravy, then everything else pales by comparison.

What I am saying is that I would like to be okay with boredom. Or average, pedestrian.

No okay that's not quite it. I am reading two books. One is on Vipassana. One of the principle aspects of the practice is learning how to step aside and just observe. Right. And to notice how we reject or ignore experiences that are displeasurable or average -- when in fact there is wealth residing in said means.

After a few weeks of intense study in panting (intense for me), I found myself once again becoming oriented towards not just improving and developing, but making The Next Greatest Thing. And guess what? My desire to paint has left the building. Part of it is frustration with my skill level, part of it is this weird belief that I'll never 'get it' so why bother. Part of it is......maybe I am in an ADD phase.

I read a quote somewhere, or a passage in that Vipassana book maybe? Or maybe it was on the tea bag tag, that boredom is fine, it's a sign that your mind is settling. In a time like now when I feel all jumpy, erratic and unfocused....maybe I should invite that boredom to tea (as Rumi suggests).

All I want to do is sit here and draw sketches of Tom Yorke dancing.

Radiohead - Lotus Flower

(embedding the video has been disabled at Radiohead's request but I recommend lifting your index finger, clicking on the link and watching the five minute video)

The other book I'm reading is The Undressed Art: Why we draw (by Peter Steinhart). It's on recommend from a fellow artist friend Jay Arrera. This neat little tome is like sitting down with a friend. I'm passing on the recommendation. From the book:

"I have been going to drawing groups for fifteen years. In these groups, I have made long-standing acquaintances and friendship, and it is clear to me that for many of us, drawing is a kind of compulsion. Every week, we drop family and work and go draw together. Most of the drawings end up in a trash bin. Few of us will ever draw the way Eleanor Dickinson draws. There is a dogged quality to what we are doing. We come back week after week, happy to see one another, grateful, I think, for our shared complicity in a doubtful activity. It is doubtful because its most noticeable attributes are nudity, desire, effort and failure. It's all funneled through a kind of meditative state that is internal and private, for the most part incommunicable except int he drawings themselves. It is by turns erotic and puritanical, social and narcissistic, uplifting and depressing."

He then asks, "What keeps us coming back?"

So, dear readers, what keeps you coming back, to whatever your art is, especially if you experience it at least in part as above?

I'm going to draw Tom Yorke.

neverending grey

2011-05-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

I seriously need to figure out what to do next winter. So far I have figured out two things I can do that sound sane and successful:

1. Move to a sunnier clime.

2. Stop pining for sunshine and warmth to last for more than eight weeks out of the year, buckle down, buck up, buy a happy light, and stay put.

I just thought of a third option:

3. Quit school for a term and go south with my friend Yona, who has been to San Miguel de Allende. I have seen pictures, we have Skyped while she is there, and she wants to go back (especially during the Oregon winter).

I tell you what. I am so sad with this weather I could cry you a river. I am aching for more than one and one-half days of sunshine per month (barring those eight golden weeks during july and august). I should stop looking at the weather forecast, because my heart positively soars when the forecast is for one measley sunshiney day above 60 degrees, and then it plummets el rapido when that one flaming day is bracketed by grey and chilly.

I want to put my bare feet on the floor, the pavement, the green and brown earth and I want my toes to be warmed. Something way down inside woman eases up in me when the sun is shining and the temperatures rise above 65. When the bite isn't in the air. When I'm not growing mold.

Yesterday it was warm and sunny. Glorious. Absolutely glory us.

Today it is grey and chilly. But, I had a great print run in the studio. I'll post the results at a future date, it needs to remain a wee secret for a bit longer.

I am in a big ol' painting slump. I find myself wanting to keep everything in mind that Mr. Teacher has told me in our bi-weekly critiques; I find myself wanting to ditch it all and just freaking PAINT SOMETHING. So I tried this evening, and what do you know, it was like.....my battery has run down or something.

Cheery little post, aye?

Oh, here, some sketchies. I'm actually enjoying the sketching without any pressure to 'make something good'. See where I go all the time? Do you go there? You do? Oh good well let's order a drink together.

So I'll while on a while longer......when I'm sketching these there is the usual run-of-the-mill hamster wheeling (monkey chatter, etc). But not so much lately. Not so much when I just listen to myself, my better half, and just kick back and sketch and observe rather than criticize (makes sense). I have to keep trusting myself to just explore and know I'll find stuff instead of 'you're wasting your time' nonsense.

Kinda wish I was more eloquent tonight, or maybe just wishing I could put something down I am sure to make good positive sense of later when I need a reminder about.....something.....what was that?

Look I only drank two beers. And that was last night. I swear to god, I cannot hold my alcohol any more, it affects me for years after!

you better believe it

2011-05-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Ah! Twilight deepens! Finally, the time is ripe -or very nearly so by the time I brush my teeth or some other necessary maintenance- to return to The Walking Dead. It is so creeeeeeepy. Last night I deliberately watched it before going to bed to induce zombie dreams....and so I could have an opportunity to seriously squash some zombie heads. I had some dreams alrighty, involving a fake cowhide patchwork purse (from high school???) and a few zombies. But I kicked no undead ass.** I'll give it another go tonight, maybe glut myself on TWO full episodes!

** a couple of weeks ago some poor soul did not listen when I said shove off and so I deboned him with a cleaver

.........you still there, readership?

ps:
for an additional creative catalyst during your somnambulant dreams, I highly recommend the BBC series Life On Mars immediately before sleeping

2011-05-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Hello blogfolks. Thank you for sending me the wetsuit, fins and snorkel. I am not quite waterlogged but damn near close. Spring is long, wet, and mostly chilly.

It's also been a productive time yessiree. I painted up a storm.

Now, what happens for you, as a visual artist, when you hit a point where your own personal Mandelbrot becomes less interesting as it becomes more recursive? What do you do, or not do?

See I'm trying to keep in mind all these great devices I'm learning

- varying the stroke
- asymmetry
- composition (goes without saying, but......just sayin')
- draw outside the lines
- negative space needs to be interesting too (maybe not the same visual weight though)

And I listen to my instructor and remember that he has his own aesthetics, even as he's giving me some really great pointers. Interestingly enough, he does not find my paintings narrative; the story is one of the first things people tell me they like about my art. So I'm wondering what that is all about and am I losing some of my edge because I am trying to learn all these 'rules'?

Actually I am feeling supremely frustrated with painting, as in.......I am done. For awhile at least. Am I giving up too easily? I keep making the same marks, it's uninteresting, and it's really weird how I don't seem to be making any inroads to doing something different. True I am painting on paper (due to the amount of painting I'm doing: my postage-stamp sized studio apartment cannot hold an inventory of more than five canvases.....and my wallet cannot support many canvases either although I should investigate those canvases on rolls....).

So where was I?.......oh right, painting on paper. That can make a difference. Still don't understand why I can't seem to work the paint like I want to. UGH! It's just...........UGH!

Okay so this one was fun at times, I loaded the brush up. Was trying out painting light on light. Strong points (according to Tutor): there is both light and dark in the figure and the environment. Um.......okay that's all I can remember him saying that was strong. But, it was a pick for the ridiculous little competition for a catalog entry (I was not chosen to be one of six to represent Lane Community College).

This one looks nicer since I hit it with the iPhoto higher contrast controls. I am veering off into monochrome land, vagueness, muddy waters. Teacher says to include some personality in the figures. Fine, leave some features unrealized, but definitely render some features/elements in detail instead of furring everything.

Don't clump things (hands, etc). What's with the monochromatic? As a viewer I will want to see some story. Good advice, all. And, you see what I mean with the recursiveness......avoid redundancy! I feel redundant.

So, then:

A little Tom Yorke action, I'm sure you've seen him dancing? No? You might appreciate it. Radiohead's latest album is terrific. The sketching came at a moment when my observation/coordination was all in tune one with another so that was fun.

Mr. Teacher also said something about one of my favorite artists, who he (instructor) had initially been blown away by. Upon second look he had lost interest. Look, I have to fucking pump this guy for information sometimes and I just get so sick of the ego. It's fine to not like something but I am so fed up with the dismissiveness in the 'fine art' department. Anyway, excuse me.......I asked why, exactly, he wasn't all fired up anymore and he said something about illustration vs. art. Oh boy here we go again.

I love illustration.

I fucking love it.

I am going back to my roots.

Holy Crumb!!

2011-04-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

I left y'all hanging! Here we are, in the genesis of the fourth week of.....spring term...WHAT?! Already??

I pulled a B+ in that pre-calculus class. To say I'm overjoyed would be a hyperbolic understatement. And that I pulled that grade because Teacher grades on a curve.......well that tells you how difficult the course was (and/or how the majority of our class weren't math heads). So, that's done with. I keep finding evidence that it was real, like notes on asymptotic behavior and logarithms, and I just chuck them in the recycling bin and say a Hail Mary Thank You I don't have to churn through THAT material any more.

This term there is actually time enough for me to go to the saturday open studio figure drawing session (three hours! live model! free!). So into that!! Here's a 30 second gesture of Charles aka BlackBolt. I love that I could capture the motion......that gesture!

I'm doing Independent Study Printmaking again

And working on a new piece, a multi-block (five of 'em!! woo!).

Independent Study Painting/Drawing is the one I could fill a zoo with in terms of Process Notes. Tonight I feel the usual amalgam of trepidation, excitement, inspiration, doubt, aversion, desire, and optimism about art. More specifically, about my ability. Even more specifically.....about my ability to sustain an open heart and mind when I draw, paint, doodle, carve, or whatever. I approach and back off; I recommit myself to process over product; I re-affirm my intention to slow down and pay attention to not only what I am learning but how I am talking to myself; I re-evaluate why I am doing art; I re-orient towards befriending myself.

Here are a couple of examples, with cut and pasted text from my flickr account, in the interest of time because I really need to put in some carving so I can do a first print run in the studio tomorrow AND I promised myself I would bed down at a reasonable hour (read: before freaking midnight!)

At my instructor's behest, I am doing shorter-timed painting on paper. Studies. And still.....I regularly re-position myself to painting with velocity and firm intention (rather than noodling around so much).

ALIEN

the title also refers to what happened with me last night when I painted this: different aspects of me/my personality seemed alien to each other. I related this intense and disheartening struggle to my friend Yona and she reminded me of something really important: how my left hemisphere is bleating and my right hemisphere is praising.

So my left brain is saying, 'this is fucked up, it's dumb, you're not a real artist, you can't paint worth beans' and my right brain is saying, 'this is a perfect painting! it expresses my state of mind and look how many transformations it's gone through and look at this part here it's beautiful and......' "

We were talking about why we make art and I said tonight I was seriously questioning myself, and why am I doing this again? Is it to for the approval, the praise? Is it for discovering something? Translating something? Is it simply the act of creating? Well it's all of those things but I was pretty invested in 'getting it right' last night and Progressing and proving myself as an artist.

Yona said that one of the best and greatest reasons she does art is so that the left and right brain can communicate, and do it effectively, and not be at odds with each other so often.

Right on, Yona. I'm taking all that to heart.

acrylic, gesso, charcoal on paper

15 x 22"

-----

ps - math is still difficult but far less this term and way fewer hours spent doing homework overall!

before and after

2011-03-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

Everything's relative and my plight is pretty insignificant compared to many on the planet. That much is obvious. I watched some footage from the tsunami in Japan and I was beyond stunned. I felt sick and horrified. I'm sure you've all seen it, but have you seen the stuff circulating from those on the streets, unedited? Pretty grim and shocking.

I never thought I'd join Facebook, but I did, and it's been a good newsfeed (since I don't watch TV or listen to the radio). The whole Wisconsin debacle, and rallying forces of the people....etc etc. I'm easily overwhelmed. FB is good to visit for small bites of news and entertainment. It's a one stop shopping center.

So. My maths final was yesterday at noon and I'm pretty sure I passed. I figured that if I only scored 100 out of the 150 points, I would still pull a high C or even a B in the class. On the first exam I scored a 94. On the second, just over a week ago, I scored a 71 (and I was so ecstatic). I am so relieved to not have to do any more precalculus homework. It was a dark cloud hanging around for ten solid weeks. Ye gods.

Today I slept in until 10:30, finally changed out of my jammies at noon. I mucked the dining table last night. Witness the transformation:

Above: you see a box of tissues, which had become necessary not only for the copious quantities of snot I produced for a month, but also the persistent crying jags. Under the tissue box is a 'Precalculus Demystified' book I checked out from our campus library (I am less mystified than I was ten weeks ago, but still remain mystified on many fronts, and I am fine with that). Stacks of papers printed off from our online homework, all 31 chapters. This was the permanent state of the table for the entire term. I stopped trying to clear it off and instead ate my dinners straight from the can over the sink (it bears repeating).

Ahhhh. Such a relief. No more visual clutter.

(by the way, if you aren't familiar with Rick Berry's art, I suggest you check it out, he is really amazing - I treated myself to a small book of his artwork (which you can see clearly now that it's been unearthed), published by Ashley Wood, who is also another amazing artist)

Last night I made a huge bowl of popcorn (curry and nutritional yeast sprinkled on judiciously...delicious, try it and let me know what you think) and watched Ratatouille (for the sixth time). That was my treat, and one I looked forward to all day. I am astonished all over again every time I watch that film. The details and nuances, humor, storytelling...it's all so beautiful. I always feel ridiculously happy while watching it and then for some time afterwards.

I then read Joe Kelley's I Kill Giants before bed, and dreamt of monsters. This graphic novel is pretty intense; the story and art are fantastic.

One last thing. I'd like to know how you respond to this.

Myself: slack-jawed and practically crying.

Precalculus, you can go to BLEEEEEEP

2011-03-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

Our second exam was today. I dragged my phlegmy self to school and sat for the test. Just sitting for it was a miracle. Couldn't even answer a couple of the questions (can't remember any test I couldn't at least answer something about). Any failing or near-failing grade from this class is NOT A FUNCTION of not studying. Yes that is a joke, laced with venom. If you've taken pre-calculus then you know it's all about functions, their transformations, inverses, ad nauseum. Am in a very foul mood about it all and wondering, once again, just what the hell I'm doing on the planet.

One thing I should like to take away from all this: if in the future I apply myself as assiduously to art studies as I have to math (an average of twenty hours a week outside of class), I will surely be able to support myself and not need to go flip burgers somewhere, BFA/MFA/MLS degree or degrees notwithstanding.

Also: I really need to learn how to chill out. Hypertension runs in the family, I think. I mean my brother? When he was alive? Hypertension (I look a lot like him here). My sister? (love you sis, not a criticism) She's hyper too. Perfectionism. That sort of thing.

Look who really wants to read all this anyway? Whatever, I need to rant, and I'm doing it here, since we still have the internet in all its (relative) neutrality and free speech.

It's only math. But it's also more than math because we are human beings with our dramas and psychological complexes, insecurities and everything, doing math. Just like, say, a food addiction or disorder isn't about food (I am an authority on this subject, and I don't say that with arrogance) -- math isn't just a linear process, about crunching numbers.

I feel like I'm wasting my time. But I guess I'm only wasting it if I focus on how shitty I feel (even though, I must say once again, I really do feel shitty).....I don't know. How can math lead me to question the existential meaning of life? I thought I put all that behind me, dammit! Maybe meaning is the sort of human construct that.......never mind.

gone to ground

2011-02-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

*-* *-* *-* *-*

so yes, this is what I've been utterly consumed by this term. I have a dedicated table for Pre-Calculus. I used to eat at that table. Now I eat over the sink, from a can, standing up.

did you see Fantastic Mr. Fox? I think I should watch that again tonight. Or maybe Ratatouille. I need some spirit-lifters, and since alcohol is strictly out of the question, and I haven't felt any inspiration to draw or make art today, but I keep feeling as though I should be way more productive (aside from all the snot I've been coughing up and blowing out my nose, that is).....I do this all the time!! I feel all whiny and uninspired and bereft, and I don't know.......I just moon around......instead of just throwing in the towel and recognizing that I'm just feeling moony and sick and I should glut myself on wonderful funny absurd animation and such.

Two full weeks in the term, then finals week. You can bet your bottom brass tack that I will enjoy mucking this place out, especially the algebra table!

happy birthday. to me.

2011-02-27T19:45:00.000-08:00

For my birthday, I decided I would finally shove my way into a few free seconds and actually blog a post!! I keep meaning to do it...it's ludicrous, really. I mean come on! It's been over four months! So now where do I start?

Synopsis? Fall term ended, that went well, and I survived another algebra course and even earned an A (stay tuned for my neverending bitch-saga on upper algebra). I made a kickass reduction print in relief printmaking class which I included in the show at Museum of Unfine Art (month of January, prepped for that over winter break) and the other night I sold one of these prints!

So.....a reduction print? It's pretty cool, I loved the process. One block only. Carve away what's to remain white, lay down first color:

Keep carving and adding layers of color

Pretty soon (relatively speaking) you add your last color, usually the darkest, called the 'key block' and taa daah!!

The show at Museum of Unfine Art! That went very well too. Sold some stuff! Gaining much confidence! Actually you know..it was really great to be so well-received, and supported. I just gotta say. Jacque was a champ, she helped me lots with framing stuff. I felt very organized and spiffy with my whole presentation. I was also sick over break/christmas, but whatever, that was just a hiccup (stay tuned for my neverending bitch-saga about being sick).

So yes. Winter break was a godsend, I really needed that three weeks. This term is nearly finished THANK GOD, with two weeks of classes and then midterms. I'm in an Illustration class, which has been just loads of fun. I was hoping for more of the business end of things too, and lectures and presentations (because our instructor for this class is the printmaking instructor and last term she was chock-full of information and demonstrations). How do people in school actually learn how to become an Illustrator (it's a dying profession, I know, I know)? I mean, it can't just be that Art School teaches nuts and bolts; in fact I think most people learn more from just talking with other students....I don't know....anyway, here are a couple of projects from Illustration

Here we were to illustrate an (imaginary) article on phobias. So I started out with fear of mullets. My preliminary sketches and scenarios were not communicating the phobia real well. So then I thought I'd include fear of barbers, or haircuts (people do experience very high anxiety around this, whereas me, I merely dislike it to the point where I just lop off my own hair). I visited a wee barber shop

(the van really does equal the size of the shop)

and asked the ladies there to assist me with reference photos. So up in the chair I went and the woman with the scissors obliged with maniacal faces while the lady assistant snapped photos. THAT was fun and I discovered Thomas Ott, graphic novelist and scratchboard artist extraordinaire, in the process (book ordered, on the way! yee!).

On to the latest illustration project! An 11 x 17 poster of a Hollywood movie monster in the style of a well-known illustrator.

Which is due tomorrow, with an in-class critique, which I love and which I will miss attending because I am sick AGAIN, after being really effing SICK for weeks a mere six days ago. I had six glorious days of feeling like a normal living person and then I got slammed again with some barfy straight-to-the-lungs bullshit. All those students hacking and coughing all over everything and everyone, I am becoming such a germophobe.

This is what I will say about College Algebra/Pre-Calculus: it is one mo-fo hard course, with loads of work, very little in the way of rewards (understanding what the eff is happening) and has dominated my life for the last eight weeks solid. Freaking Twilight Zone of graphing techniques and blah blah blah to the asymptotic nauseatingth degree. I'm in the same boat as many students, unfortunately, although it's nice to know I'm not a total and complete idiot, because almost every student I've talked to who has taken it (sometimes twice, for failing the first time) or is in our class agrees on the magnitude of WTF factor.

Okay so that's it for now. There are other things - death, reunion, partings, seriously - but I'll save those for another time. As I posted on Facebook (yes, I know, I did it, I joined the milieu!), my birthday wish is for everyone to drink a beer, eat some chocolate, make some love or anything else you dig doing -- and then do it again for me!!

three weeks down

2010-10-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

How're y'all doin' out there?

Okay yes, three weeks of Fall term under the belt. So far so good, and all the instructors are present and accounted for - which you know is important for me, if you've read any of my previous rants about professor absenteeism. Furthermore, all of the instructors are top-notch. Art History (how does she maintain enthusiasm term after term?), Printmaking, Algebra and Figure Drawing.

I've been heinously remiss in posting all the nuggets I want to, so I just threw together this little thing that shows the process of me figuring out how to paint what I want to paint. (I love process talk, don't you?)

Acrylic

11 x 14"

Kinda fun, yeah? Well it was, and it wasn't.....as usual :) But now that it's been what, a month since I painted it, going back through the photos and reliving the discovery and happy accident process part of it is pretty fun.

I am renewing my vows: to give myself more credit for that ol' intuitive process, and paint (draw, etc) what I love. Or maybe more importantly....paint and draw how I love to paint and draw.

Our latest homework assignment in figure drawing is to draw a foot. Not just any foot. Your own foot. I did that this afternoon. Boring. Why? Because I am trying to draw how I think I should draw - and I'm also trying to learn how to draw 'mass' instead of 'line'. Okay that's all fine, it'll be useful. But the kicker is that I am also sacrificing my own personal style. I need to figure out a way to marry the two processes.

The upshot is that my drawing this afternoon lacked the zest (and the wonkiness that usually accompanies said zest) of other stuff I do. I know it's inevitable, not everything can be bangin'. The quick ballpoint pen studies of my left foot that I scrawled out last night are far more interesting to look at.

Aaaanyway, short and sweet tonight, I aim to post another process piece soon.

Here's my latest personal project spawned from printmaking class, and good night.

saturday evening

2010-09-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

So I've realized, in fully articulated realization, that I love painting with an illustrative quality. And, I love illustrations with painterly qualities. I love mixing and matching. Now I'm going to learn how to paint more shapes and fewer (or no) lines, while retaining a sort of illustrative aspect. Here is my latest attempt, of the corner Dari Mart. I'd like to say I'll return to it and add that phone booth (I am fond of phone booths, they are fast becoming obsolete) and a few other finishing acoutrements but I won't hold myself to it. Let me say that the intention is there though!

acrylic

11 x 14"

I didn't use any mediums in this one. Next up: more experimenting with the one jar of gloss gel I bought for that painting class this summer. Trying to take a decent photo proves difficult - the ambient light bounces off it most unbecomingly. So I adjusted the levels and contrast a bit in iPhoto. But it's pretty true to the original. I'm....mostly pretty happy with the results, considering my patience and skill level :)

I'm all signed up for Fall Term, four meaty classes: Printmaking (relief) and Algebra on m/w and Art History and Figure Drawing (emphasis on aqueous medium, says the course description) on t/th. Classes start at the very sane hour of high noon every day. It'll be great if this continues for Winter term.

I've decided to NOT ride my bike to campus in the rain; instead I'll take the bus downtown and then back uptown and over the mountain to school (we don't have any cross-town bus routes here). I feel SO much better, having made that decision. During Spring (when it was raining heavily) I would ride cross-town to a bus stop with lockers where I could stow my bike and then hop on the bus to let it do the climbing, and save me from arriving sweaty and wet (yes, wet, even though I have pretty good rain gear). But then I'd ride home from the bus stop in the dark and the rain....I'm sick of it. Thoroughly sick of it. And tired, did I mention tired? Feels like so much energy to gear up and disrobe and pack all of my shit in bags with me. I must be getting old. That and the fact that I've been doing this bicycle thing for a decade (plus) now. Time for a change!

You know what I really want is one of those mini car/van/trucks you see on campus. Like a golf cart. They're so damn cute, and utilitarian, low impact, and quiet. Too bad they're not legal for on-road usage.

Oh but back to school and future trajectories.....I poked around the University website and although they don't have an Illustration section for Art majors, they do have Painting and Printmaking, which I'm very interested in and I think I would excel in. So when I transfer there in the Fall (next year), I'll have all my math done at the community college; in fact, I'll have all my generals done plus a good chunk of classes towards my major. And I'm looking forward to checking out UofO now.....wasn't too moved by the prospect before looking around the website. And admittedly, every time I go into the Arts building I am SO uninspired - every other building and department on campus is funded for restructuring and so on...the Arts building is....dank and lifeless. I also go to the Art building on saturday morning, when classes aren't in session (for the open studio figure/life drawing that's available to students and public alike). So maybe there IS life in there. And maybe I can take some letterpress classes.....oh man that'd be awesome.

So then I decided to poke around some more and came across all the MFA information. Why not apply for a GTF? So maybe I will delay the Master of Library Science and opt for an MFA first, or...who knows. Thing is, I feel re-energized.

Then there is the fact I recently learned that Ann Gale teaches at the University of Washington School of Art..........AND, there you can earn a BA/BFA in Painting/Drawing. Too bad that UofO has axed the drawing curriculum....shame on them. Stupid fucking sports programs shoulder out what's really important. Anyway, Ann Gale? Oh you should check her work out. Here, I found an example:

Ann Gale's

Gary with Light Wall

14 x 11"

oil on panel

2004

GAL-030-OM

Um........amazing, OR WHAT?!

Right. I'm wrapping it up rather early, as I was up raaaaaaaaather late and up so-so early. Bon nuit!

hardly a dry spell, but.....

2010-09-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm a few days into the summer break now (heaven!!), with two more classes at the tail end of Summer Term under my belt. I've talked with other students both near and far and they say that my feelings towards dropping out and wondering just what the hell I'm doing in college are pretty normal. I may as well continue; it's not a completely useless and heinous endeavor. As long as there are loans and grants I suppose I'll keep on with it.

Painting class was a huge disappointment. I read somewhere once that disappointment is a term used for lovers. I am having to adjust my expectations right and left around the majority of art classes I've taken so far (which, granted, aren't so many). I learned more from reading and watching tutorials on the internet than I did from our instructor, a friendly enough fellow but very taciturn (shy? uninterested?). The class amounted to paying for a studio space, with occasional commentary and still-life set-ups. And long bouts of absenteeism (what is with instructors leaving the room for twenty or thirty or forty minutes at a time? Several times per class? Every class period?) When I fired off questions as to technique and expressed interest in looking at painters whose work I find really exciting (so as to gain some knowledge about how they do that!):

"Huh."

and

"You sure have a lot of questions."

When I probed further to ask if any of those questions were to be addressed, I was answered vaguely, "Sure, we'll go over a bit about gel medium........"

I talked with several other student to take the temperature of their views on the class and basically we are in agreement. About the 'non-teaching' aspect of it.

I understand that there is no substitute for just doing the work, for practicing, and lots of it. Experimenting, exploring, and all the rest. I also better understand why so many artists are self-taught. And, I'm learning to give myself more credit for my own process and progress. What I really want is to be in class with an instructor who is excited about teaching and encourages personal style and pushing those edges. One who is actually present in class and engaged with the students. I don't want someone to hold my hand or yak the entire session......As an artist I spend a fair amount of time alone in the studio (duh). I guess what I'd really like is a mentor and to study under someone whose ego isn't the size of a dirigible. I want a personal connection and for that, I've been looking to my fellow students, which is great - and I still want to be taught by someone like Walt Stanchfield.

Thank god that Tom Madison was our intermediate drawing instructor - that four-week front-end summer course was awesome. Tom is definitely into teaching and into his craft. That classroom experience was closest to what I remember about being in school as a kid, and what I loved so much about being a student. Enthusiasm is contagious, and we all like to be encouraged (and not with empty praise). Tom gave drawing demos if we cared to watch and talked about art in a way that made sense to me. He stayed in class! "Composition trumps skill" was one of his mainstays. And he stated in the syllabus and throughout the class that he wanted us to continue developing our own methods and style. So I know these people do exist, even at the community college. And that what I want from an instructor isn't beyond the pale.

So today I'm going to the library to see if there are any good books on painting. And I'll keep scrubbing around on canvases to see what I come up with. I would really like to buckle down and study one thing for a span of time but the way I operate is like buckshot fired from a rifle: I'm all over the place and I like so many different mediums.

I'm so inspired by the following artists these past few days and weeks!!!

Jason Shawn Alexander

http://www.jasonshawnalexander.com/jasonshawnalexander/home.html

Kent Williams

http://www.kentwilliams.com/portfolio/eklektikos

Shaun Tan (children's book illustrator and painter)

http://www.shauntan.net/

especially his paintings here!

http://www.shauntan.net/paintings1.html

Also I was at the comic shop looking for inspiration, hoping that they still had an Ashley Wood book or two, and they did (check him out....whoah). I came across William Wray's urban landscape paintings while browsing through a compilation book (Swallow, volume...Two?). Instantly inspired. So I wrote to Sir Wray to express how much I enjoy his paintings and he's been so great in writing back and giving me more inspiration from these artists (and more)

Stuart Shils

Sangram Majumdar

Phil Hale

William Wray's art can be found here and also here.

I'll be back later. I need to go for a walk - it's sunny and this will (purportedly) be the last for awhile, as it's (purportedly) supposed to rain for several days to come.

2010-08-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

My Bogs are somewhere near North Salt Lake, in transit to my front doorstep.

In preparation for the rainy season just around the corner, I decided to start looking for some new waterproof breathable shoes. Because, you know, I walk around a lot (outside) and bike around a lot (outside)....year round. I could ride the bus but often it's just easier and faster to bike, and I can set my own schedule. So anyway. My 'waterproof' shoes for the last few seasons have sprung a permanent leak (in the sole). No good.

Have you seen the prices of things lately? For the love of peter paul and mary! How disgusting. Does anyone know how to write grants? I need one, "Unemployed artist, full time student needs funds for new shoes." Oh, right. It's called a Stafford Loan. Oh okay it's not THAT bad, but in principle I am against laying out a hundred and fifty mackerels for a pair of shoes. Do the math. That is seventy-five dollars each. (perhaps I would lay aside my principles if three fifty dollar bills weren't equal to almost three weeks' worth of groceries).

Well, speaking of this quandary and debacle to a friend, she responded, 'Have you tried on any Bogs?'

What the hell is a Bog? Ohhhh........they're beautiful. Hers fit me splendidly. And they're built by folks right here in Eugene, sold internationally (I'm sure sales are highest in the wetter climes). And I found a pair on eBay for a third of the cost of the shoes I tried on at Burch's last weekend. So I can forego one week's worth of groceries in turn for a pair of Bogs. Okay just kidding, I'm not going to skip the groceries. I'm not in that dire of straits.

So yes, according to FedEx tracking, they are on their merry way to a new home and I hope they fit right.

For now, though, it's sunny. And warm, with nary a wet stormcloud in sight. (what would a blog post be without talk of the weather?) And I am eminently, head-over-heels happy about it. In fact, I am going to celebrate this fine weather by cracking open a bottle of my new favorite libation: Newton's Folly cider, courtesy Trader Joe's. Clean, crisp, non-cloying, delicious. Not too dry for my palette. And a bargain at a buck a bottle (so it's only fifty bottles of Folly I need to forego in favor of Bogs....and my liver will thank me I'm sure, even if my mood does not, as Folly brings me temporal happiness).

In fact, the latest perfect summertime meal is pugliese mounted with bruschetta, and a few leaves of fresh basil sandwiched twixt the two, topped off with the aforementioned brew. OH MY YUM.

***

I'm back, after a brief break, to tell you to have a care around Folly. A bottle goes down in a trice. Woooo!

On to the art talk!

Two things I doubted I'd ever be interested in, much less (dare I say) excited about: landscapes and architecture drawing, and algebra. I'd hoped that my interest would pique about the former (drawing environments is key to storytelling, and that is what I dream to do in illustration), but I never gave a second thought about mathematics except to wipe my brow with gratitude, thinking I'd never see another linear or quadratic equation outside of junior year, high school. And what is one of my mottos? And perhaps yours as well? Never say never!!

As for algebra, I'm actually enjoying it. It's all synonyms and puzzles (as I've written before), and I like how my brain feels when I'm using it like that. G has said that to me before regarding math and I regarded that skeptically but was glad she felt that way. Now I feel that way too and I am so darned surprised. Two more terms of algebra to go. And then....it might be Calculus, which doesn't sound fun, but I'll never say never. (I can't believe that summer algebra term is over next week! our final is thursday!!)

As for the architecture and stuff, I'm really getting into it! I can already feel myself wanting to go somewhere else with it, and avoid becoming overly formulaic. I was reading a book at the campus library today after studying some algebra (natch), featuring artists talking about their work and process. The book was published in 1975 but definitely still relevant :) I liked reading about things that I've either suspected or experienced or learned as valuable skills and ways of interpreting and drawing (or painting): variety, simplify, values, gesture. And looking at how the artists built up the painting and palette bit by bit was fantastic. I love seeing that!

I've also been studying Darick Robertson's art in Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan graphic novels (it's a scream, it's brilliant). There is so much to learn and pay attention to, it's really a lot of fun. I'm completely enthralled with the story, and completely mad about the art (nods to all the inkers, color separators, editors and so-on as well......good on y'all!!). I am completely convinced that this world and its inhabitants are real.

I'm not sure if it's a function of me paying a different kind of attention to story, character, pacing, layout and environment or that this is an exceptional effort by all involved. I suspect it's a mix of heightened awareness and interest along with the stellar crew of creatives.

Do the artists work from lots of photos? For the people? For the perspective? Is it that after awhile (that being a relative term), drawing so much, you just know how things should look? How to shade? And so on? It's really amazing.

Here are some of my latest efforts, then, in my small sketchbook, 5 x 7", heavier paper designed for wet mediums:

I found a shady spot to sit and sketch, on the curb opposite some buildings and businesses near campus last weekend. I did it freehand, which is scary and exhilarating, straight to pen. I'm now using UniPins, which are permanent inks, and I found quite the bargain on a site based in Tokyo called Stationery Art. The pens are under a buck fifty each. I amped up the colors, doing that in the studio with watercolors. I like this one, it's fun and wonky.

Next I drew the Library from the west side, on Charnelton. I went straight to pen on this one too, I'm pretty sure. Yeah.

I worked from a photo I snapped, rather than sketching on site. Trying to find a good spot to sketch, where the sun is on the subject but not bouncing off a white page into my face, is another challenge to field drawing outside. Also finding a bench or a curb. If that's not in the cards, a nice bit of pavement will do.....for awhile, until my bum goes to sleep and my back seizes up :)

Here I sat at a table outside the market and penciled, coloring it at home and adding a few spicy elements:

There isn't a 'beastro', but there is a Rabbit Bistro, which I find strange and funny, considering it's a strip mall sort of place. There are white linen tablecloths and outside dining and everything. The rabbit I drew is a nod to Ray Johnson, father of Mail Art (you knew that). Oh, a 'seminal figure in the Pop Art movement', says Wiki, perhaps that is more relevant to the world at large, eh.

You can even google map it! 246 E 3rd Ave Eugene Oregon. I'm sure you won't see any alien stickers in the windows though :)

Yesterday I also sketched (with pen, no pencil prelim) this little ditty, which I consider a warm-up. It's 5 x 7" but I am thinking that a biggie-sized would be pretty rad. The mini-van parked out back is honestly half the size of the Barber Shop! I love it! I mean in terms of making a drawing out of it.....in principle I think downsizing on the vehicle front is probably not a bad idea...(ok off my soapbox already!!).

And now I'm going to rustle up some good animation to watch*. Bon appetit, bon nuit!

*ooohhhweee!! Triplets of Belleville! It's been awhile!

And if you haven't seen A Scanner Darkly......oh, do.

2010-07-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

Dear god I need to go to bed but........I don't want to, even though I'm fading and I have class in the morning. But no test. Just learning all about rational expressions, hey. Hey! I aced that algebra midterm from yesterday hoo hoo hoo!....even though I felt like a dog shit in my head. I cannot believe that I am actually......ahmmm......enjoying math. How inconceivable is that?! I love languages, it's another language, it's about synonyms and puzzles, what's not to love right? ha hahaaaa

So I tackled another drawing-painting. Rather than leave it as a plain ol' pedestrian slice of life (nothing wrong with it, but if you know me, you'll know that I like the drama), I wanted to amp it up a bit. I snapped a photo of a couple ladies out front of The Kiva (locally owned grocer serving up lots of natural goodness and then some), a busker, and some dude doing I don't know what. One of the ladies is one of the owners, I thought that was cool. And I was there the day before, when the other owner was planting the flowers around the tree.

Okay, so. The ladies turned into children. Surprise! I'm notoriously unskilled and unpracticed at drawing small people. And I thought okay, one's pointing, the other should look awed or Oh My God or something. What could be over there? The Apocalypse? I wanted a strong light/contrast. The guy sitting on the planter under the tree could be Some Intelligence - his car is there with the black windows. The big tree in front of Kiva reminds me of one that might come alive and eat you (Poltergeist?).

But......even though there are goodies galore......there are too many goodies. I need to isolate the, uh, variables! The kids. I tried, by putting the strong light on them. But there is too much to look at and subtract from them, you know? Maybe I should risk totally effing it up and make all the darks darker and eliminate some of the detail and values, to emphasize the strong light and washed-out (destroyed?) world on the left.

Here's the thing, it's pretty big.

This is the size of it:

It's big by my standards anyway. Everything's relative. I could noodle around with it some more working on details......or I could do as I suggested to myself and darken it up. Or, I could do another painting. Hey there's an idea.

I like this portion, it's not as chewy (in an overwhelming way):

How many hours did I spend doing this? Hoo hoo hoo........many. A dozen probably, including the photo finding and layout. I'll sell it. For.......(whipping out my algebraic formulas)......an even grand.

ps - Instead of drawing on monday when I was singing tales of woe, I watched Shaun of the Dead. Why did I pass this over?! I totally dismissed it. Oh how wrong I was. This movie kicks serious zombie buttocks. I laughed so bad. Please go see it if you haven't. Off you go!

Diabolicalisms

2010-07-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Oh shit and fuck me. I'm falling into the 'it's all been said and done before so why even bother' hole. Ugh.

It all started (this time) after I woke up from a late afternoon nap (today). (what the fuck did I dream? some soul-sucking thing sucked out my soul and I'm soulless now?) I was rather raring to go on some little art project or other (nothing planned). Sat down to see what was up on a few sites, and stumbled back on Odosketch. It was going well enough, me with my mouth slack and synapses popping, holy mother, there is a lot of art out there and look what people are doing. Look what they are envisioning. Look how easy they make it look. Look at all that depth and volume. You can actually click on a finished picture and Odo will reel back time, letting you see the manner in which the damn thing was 'made'.

I started feeling like I was missing something. A way of seeing that seems to elude me, the harder I chase it.

You see where this is going. All of these thoughts, leading me down the rabbit hole. Where it could be fun, except I'm running from the Queen of Hearts who thinks to cut mine out (apparently I still have a heart even though I've been soul-sucked). And she's yelling, "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"

I started thinking, gee, maybe I should use some of that loan money to buy myself a Wacom. They're relatively inexpensive. Relatively.

Dejected and disgruntled, I hung up my hat (so to speak) and went out into the yard, pulled some weeds, and all the dying, leggy vegetables (not much sun back there), composted them, repotted a tomato, watered, ate a few blueberries off the bush and now you see me here.

Maybe I shouldn't read Transmetropolitan before naptime. Oh hell yeah. It's wicked, and I laugh gleefully when I read it. I highly recommend it, can't recommend it too much in fact. Fully realized future/other-world and this angry hilarious crazy brilliant irreverent subversive (gonzo) journalist whipping it up into a frenzier. I really believe that Spider Jerusalem exists. The writing, the artwork. Look what those people are doing; what they are envisioning....yeah. Well I know how many years those guys have been doing comics and whatnot. They (probably) (hopefully) made a lot of bad art and wrote a lot of suckass stories before the likes of TransMet.

I'm almost ready to grab my trusty ballpoint pen and sketchbook.

new day

2010-07-25T00:43:00.000-07:00

Officially, it's sunday since it's half past midnight. It was so warm today, I love it. Went to see the Banksy matinee (pretty good but I have to admit I expected a bigger payoff - but, as one of the guys who was Banksy's spokesperson said, ".......I'm not sure who the joke's on. I'm not even sure there is a joke.") Who knows, it could all be orchestrated. I shall remain a fan.

I must say I love this weather. It's still warm, all the windows are wide open, I am wearing no socks and dressed in appropriate summer attire. Something deep inside me eases when the weather is warm. I love hearing people outside; I love that the inside comes inside during the summer (even though the crows in the morning grate on my nerves, if I forget to stuff earplugs in halfway through the night). I feel damn near naked, after a very long wet and cool season with lots of layers and warding myself against the chill and the downpours (especially on my bike all winter).

Really trying to focus on how good it is right now, to store it up for the long winter months that are practically right around the corner. I love living here where there is plenty of fresh clean water, great local organic produce and long growing seasons, and bicycling as a means of pleasure and commuting is a breeze. I love that I can bike through town quickly and be on the river paths within minutes. I also long for more sunshine and access to a more diverse nightlife, you know? I need to do some problem solving; I don't think I'll be able to make it through many more winters without completely cracking.

But back to now. The fans are on, it's 83 degrees inside, the music is pouring out of iTunes like bacchinalian rites revisited, I napped earlier so I feel pretty alert, and I've done some painting and drawing and experimenting. Our drawing instructor last term emphasized that it's all about a presence and absence of light, and that it's also all a series of interlocking shapes. I practiced just laying down values straight into ink and after a few tries came up with this which tells me that yes, an old dog can learn new tricks:

I wanted to keep it loose and gestural, especially after doing a lot of careful and more studied painting and drawing over the last couple of days. There is something scary and thrilling about laying down those washes without planning it out. I like the energy in this one. I did it pretty quickly. Learning how to balance a certain distance from your subject and also be involved and focused on what you're doing (painting, drawing, etc) is an interesting exercise. Painting what you truly see? Tricky!! Does everyone walk around seeing things differently? Ohhh yeah. Love it!

Also walked around the blocks tonight at nightfall for some reference shots to paint from. Here's a smaller painting with ink and washes, with a bit of watercolor in the sky. It's so interesting to be.....um, interested in drawing more than just figures as I have been in the past. I walk or ride around more slowly (when time permits) and find myself observing all those......interlocking shapes and the presence of absence and light, and what is the gesture of things, you know?

Joan (my landlady) and Lisa (who comes once a week to do yardwork) dug up some small potatoes from some little place in the jungle that's the backyard this morning. I found four of them deposited on my stoop. So adorable. These look more egg-like, but hey....

Right, I need to think about winding down so I am not completely useless tomorrow, or sleep the day away. There is much sunshine to be soaking up!

what the what?

2010-07-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

D=rt

name that formula! If you nailed it, distance = rate x time, then you might have guessed that I've gone miles in terms of abstract - or maybe metaphorical - distance at a relatively speedy rate in a relatively short amount of time. Drawing class is done after an accelerated four week term and another meaty final assignment; I'm still kickin' it in algebra, for another four weeks......er, three, actually. Then it's a four-week psychology course to replace the algebra morning time-slot before painting in the afternoon for four hours. Two weeks off, and then Fall term begins.

I'm determined to slow down time. Summers are short here, and this year is exceptionally short in terms of true summery weather. Pause often to soak in the sun before diving back into quadratic equations and drawing. I've set some goals for myself with art and so far I'm carrying them off well enough. My focus has widened to include rendering environments, something I've not previously been very interested in reproducing. After doing the drawing final and receiving some constructive and positive feedback and encouragement from our instructor, I've been drawing and painting scenes from around the city. I've always been pretty astonished by what other people create - especially in graphic novel and animated film format. I'm watching a lot of animation and reading graphic novels with an eye towards perspective and light/shadow, so I can learn how to re-create or even invent environments in a (dare I say) captivating way.

Nothing beats doing the drawing though. Here's my final. Actually I did two, since I love drawing my friend Alex (the wrist dribble was a total accident, geez). Compositionally though, the Luckey's bar is stronger so that's why I decided to do that one as well. These are ink and ink wash, 24 x 30" heavyweight watercolor paper sheets:

I've also been companion to Paul Madonna's All Over Coffee book, which compiles a large selection of his pen and ink with ink washes, depicting scenes from San Francisco. I love his spin on the world and the language of his illustrations. He goes straight to pen without laying out the drawing in pencil first. Amazing. Tom (our drawing instructor) suggested that I do more scenes like Luckey's and do a show and/or sell stuff. I'm beginning to see how I could do that; my confidence and skills are growing. I worried aloud to Tom that I would be stealing Paul's thunder, but of course Tom is right: lots of people draw and paint scenes and sell them. It's not like it's a new idea. Sure we might be working in similar mediums....but if you look at Paul's work and you look at mine, they are sure different. I love how a hundred people can draw the same thing and it looks a hundred different ways.

Here's a couple smaller formats on heavyweight watercolor paper, 9 x 12". This one I did with no pencil prelim and I kinda like the wobbly actually. 13th street, near university campus:

And from the downtown bus stop. Love this guy in the foreground. Wanted to create a warmth and a continuity with the blue colors that happened to group in the sign and what the folks were wearing. Needs a few more shadows and some tweaks but it's good to be building my chops, yeah?

Yesterday I spent some solid hours finishing this one up (below). I laid it all out with pencil first. Much more meticulous. I don't have much experience doing larger and more detailed works, building a longer relationship with the subject matter like this......but I like it. I feel impatient sometimes (what's the rush? I don't know!), I wonder how I'd manage to survive multiple clients and deadlines if I built up a freelance illustration life for myself - I draw pretty slow. But I'm also learning a new language of sorts, so I'm sure I'd learn how to drop in values quicker, determine where to be more gestural and where I want to finesse it, that sort of thing. In reading Paul Madonna's afterwords in his book, I learned that he invests anywhere from 8 to 20 hours per drawing (not including researching, pounding the pavement, sketching, and the like). If he can make a living doing that, then in a few (several?) years with enough practice I could definitely develop my own method and approach......not to just crank 'em out, but to 'work smarter not harder'.

Anyway, with this piece I experienced all sorts of push-pull feelings. I felt excited, but hesitant. I don't want to fuck it up, right? But then again, it's only a drawing and I can make another. But what about all the time I'm investing in this? Well it's not a waste, regardless of whether I make a total mess of it or not; I'll be learning from everything I do or wish I had done/differently. I went very carefully in some areas and felt as though I'd like to move faster, more assuredly, and worried that my carefulness would translate into the picture and make it stagnant, dry, or dead. I thought about all the people on the planet in their creative endeavors, whether doing them fast and dirty or slow and contemplative, and about artists both contemporary and historical who spend hours and days, weeks or even years on a single piece. I like that as an artist (of any stripe) we can choose how we want to create -- warming up with quick gestures, or spending hours just doodling, or knuckling down to some more refined work.....pretty cool.

This is on the north side of the building that houses Paul's Bicycle Way of Life (they just tuned up my bike, with a new chain, cassette, bearings, it rides like a freaking dream now!!), Allann Bros. Coffee and another business I've never patroned. I've been trying to find interesting things to draw, or learn how to make any mundane thing interesting.......and I'm feeling pretty bored by Eugene in general (the architecture is pretty bland). So I decided to draw something I find interesting:

And you're all like, Finally, damn, show us the picture already!

I'm pretty happy with it, I like looking at it, and of course I see a lot of things to do still or that I might do differently. It's a good beginning. Another large size on watercolor paper, ink, ink wash and watercolor. I'm running out of wall space to hang these babies up.....so I'm going to approach Shawn over at his store/gallery, the Museum of Unfine Art, and see what we can do about hanging these up there, maybe some time this year. Okay that means I have to frame them. What?! Help.

tuesday today

2010-07-06T22:41:00.000-07:00

Big news! It's actually a warm summer's eve here in the pacific northwest! This really is breaking news and I am ecstatic. The last time I kept all the windows open past 6 o'clock was last...september, probably. It has been a really long wet cool protracted did I mention wet spring. In the first two days of June it rained more than it usually does for the entire month. I feel decidedly bloated and am looking forward to drying the hell out.

My intention was to pack myself off to bed earlier but you know how one thing leads to another and I decided to make one last pitstop. Here. Now. Yes hello!

Very glad that I studied algebra over the weekend because I'm experiencing a big fat estrogen surge tonight which in all honesty impairs my ability to think in a linear fashion, which is a lot of what one must do in algebra. Although the argument can be made that there is a certain intuitive quality to problem solving as well.

So, see, studying art and algebra together is going exceptionally well. I'm completely surprised. Algebra is my go-to subject when I am frustrated with art and vice versa. It's really weird, totally unexpected, and I'm glad it's all shaking down that way. I could also build an argument about how similar algebra and art is but I'm just not in the mood to go that deep right now. Trust me though, it's not a specious argument.

I'm asking you - any one or all of you - to try a grilled cheese and peanut butter sandwich. I am off dairy, so I won't be eating one myself, but it was a childhood favorite (thanks mom). Trust me, it's delicious. Please do us both a favor and enjoy one soon. Try making a half sandwich. Or a quarter sandwich, if your doubts are running high.

The latest art assignment over the weekend was pretty beefy. At least it was for me. I like some parts, and overall, well -- it was fun, it was hard work, there are bits I think that captivate but overall it's not very challenging to the viewer. You know? It's safe art. And I guess that's okay sometimes; what I did fulfilled the instructor's directions, although the composition could be more interesting. I wanted to create a narrative, and in the last panel there was potential to create more tension - so I did the final drawing as if at night.....creeping around the corner of the building....but it's rather dull. I'm looking forward to combining composition, value, and all that fun stuff with more of a spin. Something not so.....straightforward.

So here they are and off I go, buenas noches!

belated update

2010-07-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Common Ground Work Party was bountiful! We harvested the garlic planted last October - it's HUGE. So are the beets. The peas forest a whole acre (slight exaggeration), and just since last week everything has grown several inches up or out. Amazing. You can see some pictures on this blog. Now imagine everything BIGGER! Such a juicy garden! Things here at home (things being plants of the vegetable variety) continue to grow at a glacial pace, if at all. Too little sun? CUT DOWN THOSE TREES DAMMIT! Too little fertilizer? I dunno....so glad for our neighborhood Common Ground.

Went to see a fellow art student's opening exhibit at First Friday. Drew Bardana draws! And paints. And I love his experiments with medium and style and subject matter. It was fun to meet him; we found out that we're both signed up this Fall for Grosowsky's figure drawing class. (you will recall Mr. G from last semester, yes?) Drew did an intensive one-week drawing course at the outset of summer term. For six days, you are in class from 9am to 9pm. Whoah. I'm considering rearranging my own summer term schedule (yet again) to accommodate the last drawing marathon which is at the end of summer term. That is some crazy shit! It sounds extreme.....and fun.

Last week we worked on perspective and organic forms. Drew outside most days, with assignments to draw architecture and shrubbery. I like the contrast between linear contained forms and the relatively nonlinear and looser/gestural qualities that shrubs and vegetatives bring to the picture. It's been an interesting week, with the usual ups and downs. But I'm learning what works and what doesn't and how to adjust with different sized drawings.

Here's the first homework assignment, which I really enjoyed doing. Discovering different mark-making techniques and figuring stuff out was actually fun. Graphite, 18 x 24".

The second homework assignment last weekend was to create a still life. I couldn't bear the idea or the execution of another damn fruit bowl or some random objects so I decided to create a narrative. Make of it what you will. I liked doing this one too, and grunging it up. Charcoal, 18 x 24"

I did an extra homework during the week because I wasn't satisfied or excited by what I had done in class one day (I was being social with a fellow classmate, and I really can't divide my attention productively: I have to draw, or talk, not both). The composition is okay but my focus was more on the perspective aspect of it, since I haven't practiced much with this discipline. Eventually I'll be able to keep it all in mind and use mark-making, perspective AND composition all to greater effect. Mixed media: charcoal, ballpoint, marker, graphite. 18 x 24"

Here's this weekend's homework assignment, part one.

The assignment: continue with perspective and organic forms. Create a minimum of six thumbnails and develop three with full value. Then do a full-page (have yet to draw that one up).

There are elements in all three that I like but overall I have yet to really hit the mark. For example........the middle one is too busy. Too many goodies, ya know? The last one I like as an idea: creeping up, almost to the corner of the house, and there is more resting for the eyes. Also, I want to create a sense of tension, approaching the corner of the building. Maybe tilt the frame? But here it lacks a punch that I'm wanting.

Aaanyway, a good learning experience.

I think if I try that third frame full size in charcoal I might achieve more of what I'm after. I'll give it a go tomorrow.

This kind of drawing exercise is challenging in ways that I haven't taken on before, which is good (and necessary). It's kind of meditative too.....and in a way it's safe. Drawing organic forms alongside architecture is a good mix as I mentioned earlier up there - Mister Teacher knows what he is about in assigning this -- the looser/gestural quality brought to the scene with organic forms is a nice foil to the linear qualities of architecture and buildings.

I'm really glad that this instructor is giving us a variety of assignments. A good introduction to a discipline, and he states in the syllabus that aesthetic end and developing personal style (and composition!! always composition!) trumps skill. Nice.

I'd like to bring something not so safe to the table with these drawings and I am hoping I can introduce that in the third panel (make it nighttime instead?). However, I might just have to abandon ship and start over if it's not happening.

The cool challenge is to complete the assignments within the parameters and put a unique spin on it. Well yeah...that's what it's all about.....

This morning I reworked the three drawings, smoothing out some of the chatter and trying to create the shadows to lie on forms more convincingly; also boosting up the values with more contrast. Things were starting to look grayscale. In the originals you can really tell a difference since last night. Here are some closeups.

So in a lot of ways I think these are pretty safe drawings for the viewer. I'd like to create more tension and mystery. I'd like to discover some new techniques, push something somewhere further. I'd like to learn how to add more depth by laying down medium, erasing, and laying it down again. I've read somewhere that is how to create depth but I'm not sure how to do that. Yet. That third panel, I keep going back to; in this rendition it's pretty boring but I think there is a lot of potential there. I really like the big black of the window right up next to and falling off the edge (or, the implied continuity is cool.....in technical terms this is called 'closure', when things run off the page).

Here's a drawing I did last week in class, instead of the boring still life in front of us. It's a portion of the studio's ceiling. The best bits to me are the spotlights. I like the ballpoint outline that describes the forms and the 'coloring outside the lines' I deliberately did with the charcoal. I've tried to recreate this effect but haven't spent much time trying (too busy doing other assignments, perhaps....?). Maybe I'll try to employ that in something this weekend; I'd like to finish the homework assignment today and then start on something new that incorporates certain elements of our assignment but that I take greater liberty with :)

The vent on the wall needs some reworking (yes that's a vent, right now it looks like.....what the hell is that?).

A couple of sketchbook sketches round out my appetite and once again I thank my friend J in Leeds for the references and inspiration!

Okay that's a wrap for now. Laundry needs to be hung up.......in the SUNSHINE! oh thank god it's sunny again.

**********

The second half of the homework assignment, a full-sized. I decided to go for the night scene, and some things I like about this, but it's dangerously close to being too uniform in value (how do you avoid that at night??). I'm also hankering for some new techniques. Or something.

Interestingly enough, the last couple of days I've been out on my bike I have been looking more closely at foliage and buildings :) How the pieces all fit together, and Wow look at that streetlamp I want to draw that! and the patterns of light and shadow -- looking at the gesture of different plants and trees, and seeing things as the absence and presence of light. Pretty cool.

three views

2010-06-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 9am to buzzsaws this morning. This was after I removed the earplugs, which I jammed in halfway through the night, to ensure that I would sleep in. This was after falling asleep at about 3am. This was after drawing for hours, and then watching some of A Scanner Darkly (you must see this movie if you have not already!!!). Was I disgruntled because of the nap instead of the long sleep I anticipated enjoying? Was I irritated by the constant roar of machinery? Hell no! Why? Because it's summer, and it's finally warm, and I feel supercharged!! Even if my gait is uneven and I feel slightly hung over and my vision is a tad bit blurry.

---

The contrast between drawing instructors for the two classes in this subject I've enrolled in so far is amazing. I like that each instructor has something different to offer, and that there are a few dozen in the art department to choose from; eventually (one hopes) you find one whose teaching methods match your learning style. Well I've found such an instructor for Intermediate Drawing this semester! OH THANK GOD.

Tom brings an enthusiasm and presence to the table and mixes up the drawing sessions in a way that's really engaging. We begin with a slideshow, and/or some theory and practical tips on drawing, which he accompanies with drawing demos......he even uses the chalkboard (gasp!). He goes way beyond giving us a handout and saying, 'okay go to it, see you next week.'

The other day we started out with warm ups - yeah! what a concept! He stood up on the dais and did 15 second poses for us to do gestures. He did really dramatic ones with dialogue, throwing an arm over his eyes and arching back, 'oh! poor me! life is so hard!' to which we chimed in, 'I'm a starving artist!'.

He encourages us to develop our own style. From the syllabus:

"This course will not only help to further your ability to model what you see in a variety of drawing mediums, but moreover will help you to find your own unique aesthetic way of responding on paper to life. More emphasis will be placed on composition and the search for the unity of the formal elements -- line, shape, value, texture and space -- than the draftsmanship.

This class is graded less on your ability to model reality and more on what you do with a drawing medium to achieve an aesthetic end. You will be expected to do exercises that work on your technical skills but ultimately aesthetic considerations will outweigh technical ones in this class."

We drew outside yesterday, after a short recap lesson on perspective (something our previous instructor did not really go into much.....okay well he gave us A Handout). Architecture and organic matter. We'll be doing lots of different exercises, finishing up the course with two full figure drawing sessions with live models.

He stopped by to check in with me while I was sitting and drawing yesterday and happily offered lots of information about drawing, feedback on my work, his own trajectory towards becoming the department head of graphic design, a bit about the business of a freelancer/illustrator, and sincerely extended his time if I wanted to go over anything outside of class.

Don't you want to be in this class? Well hurry up! Registration is still open!!

He even assigns homework :) (something we didn't do in our last drawing class, unless you wanted to)

I'm like a fish to water here. I am loving it. I think I'll talk with a financial aid person to see if it's viable for me to stay on at Lane for a two-year certification in the graphic arts program before transferring to the University to finish my BFA.

Now that I think back on it, I remember some discussion in Basic Design class about Tom. He teaches (or taught) 3D Basic Design also and the student and our instructor referred to him as eccentric and sort of scattered.....kind of an odd fellow. Now that I think about it, I remember writing down his name to make sure and enroll for that class. He doesn't teach it any more, but I'm so stoked that he picked up this summer session for intermediate drawing. Man...I wish he taught figure drawing too.

And now, a view of a room in my two-room abode, before making up the bed into a couch and transforming the sleeping space into a salon.

A view from the art area, looking out the window

And a view of my Spam folder. Hilarious. All those ads? Because of a male name in my email address? ha ha!! Exercise that index finger and click for a big shot.

some thoughts

2010-06-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I can hear laughter outside tonight. The next door neighbors to the north are having a party: an all-girl party as far as I can tell. The voices and laughter sound ebullient, and somehow pure. Bubbly. Genuinely happy. The laughter to the south from the other next door neighbors is also female and by contrast sounds harpy-ish. I love laughing sounds, but the southern laughter grates on my nerves.

I started thinking more about this and realized that if I didn't know anything about either neighbor, would I still feel the same?

For instance, I know that the southern lady never initiates a hello. She often looks sour, and tired. Her backyard is neglected, full of weeds and old furniture. The dogs bark a lot. By contrast, the northern neighbors like to garden, keep their yard up nicely, and live in a house with a front fence and gate that is handcrafted, like an art installation - so I infer that they have values and a lifestyle that resemble mine more, and that I prefer.

If I'd never seen the southern lady or her yard, would I feel the same aversion to her laughter? How about if her sons didn't shoot their b-b guns all summer long? Or if they weren't generally noisy and, well, slovenly (at least on the outside)?

There's no doubt that the laughter sounds different. I do like hearing the girls laughing on the south side. I like the way it sounds, from the belly, genuinely mirthful. What would the northern lady's laughter sound like to me, if I knew nothing about her and was not informed visually by her surroundings and the way she chooses to keep it (express herself though it?) ??

Also interesting that there is 'warmth' from the north side neighbors, and a very distinct coolness from the south....

-----

June, the twenty-first, on a monday

2010-06-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

Heh heh....heh....yeah that's me, all last week. E-e-everything's cool, even though my face is sliding off and about to puddle around my feet. Gawd what a week I was having! Maybe two weeks? Did I keep the faith? DID I? You bet I did! For the most part. My moods are always swinging. I knew I'd eventually come back around....and sure enough last night I started feeling MUCH better after a really great drawing session in my sketchbook (and thanks once again to my good overseas buddy Jay for providing some inspiration, have I mentioned how many times he's pulled me out of a funk??). I was finally able to just sit the hell down and relax and concentrate. And also, to let go of the outcome and have fun with the -here it comes- Process. Man I love that.

And today.......an awesome ride UP THE BIG HILL to campus (yessssss, I made it without bursting a lung or any major blood vessels! It's been a couple weeks since I rode up that heart-pumper). Followed by a very heartening algebra class, where we are actually reviewing a few chapters from last term before plunging headlong into quadratic equations (sounds like I know what I'm talking about, doesn't it?) -- and the instructor seems pretty damn cool OH THANK GOD.

Hey did I report my grades from last term? Three A+ and an A (in algebra..okay, elementary algebra..or is it pre-elementary algebra?)! woo! I'm savoring the math grade. I anticipate upper levels to be more rigorous (natch) and I will need to work harder. Aim high but be okay with a lower grade.

Anyway, emerging from math class I stepped into

SUNSHINE

suunshiiiiiiiiiiiine!!!! yes! yes! oh baby! yes! It's been so long. So so long. I was withering.

I grabbed an empty locker in the art building, stowed my bags, and went for a walk (hour and a half 'til next class). Campus is situated up in the south hills with woods all around; I knew if I prowled the perimeter I would eventually find a trail, and I did. Was really great to stretch my legs between classes. Came upon one of those cellphone towers, eyesore that they are, but perched jauntily atop was a huge bird's nest. Nice. Also crossed paths with a couple of boys crouched down by some big puddles (did I mention we've had buckets of rain this spring, even more than our usual buckets) - collecting pollywogs. Nice!

So drawing class is very very promising. Our instructor actually used the chalkboard and talked about stuff! It's different than any of the other art classes I've attended so far -- it's what I've been wanting. And, he's enthusiastic in a way I haven't encountered yet either. Maybe because he's been teaching only part-time and isn't burnt out. The course outline is chock-full of goodness; we'll be exploring different mediums and composition trumps skill. Did you hear that?! He wants for us to develop our own style, doesn't really believe in talent - only varying degrees of hand-eye-brain coordination and skill. NICE. This is what I signed up for.

Then Tom starts talking about how we'll be drawing architecture using perspective alongside organic forms (buildings and trees, for example), that there is something very beautiful about this juxtaposition, and how linear and comforting it is to draw perspective. Like math. Very safe, known quantities. Follow a formula, and be gratified with a predictable answer. And it's what I've been thinking about all last term - how math is turning out to be the perfect foil for art. A real nice balance.

I trotted off to the bookstore and bought the requisite supplies, and then I revisited the classroom to stock up on sketchbooks. Oh yeah. Anything left by students from last term, anything that hasn't been picked up by now (it's been almost two weeks) is fair game. It's all going in the recycling bins - so I helped myself to sketchbooks and big pads of drawing paper that were still half-or-more-blank. LOVE IT.

I'm going to sleep so good tonight. Oh, I'm still worrying about the state of the world and how fucked up it all is.......but now I am also feeling mighty fortunate, and resurrected in a way.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If anyone has any suggestions as to why my formspring thing isn't displaying as a box, or why my flickr badge isn't displaying as usual, please help me out. I changed layouts for the blog (FINALLY), and it looked great in Preview mode, but now it's all messed up. Gah.

31 Flavors

2010-06-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Hey I just learned something: 31 people are following this blog! Well hello there! How about that.....I'm in a social network and I didn't even know it. I don't even know most of The Followers. But, welcome (belatedly). Are you people being paid? Well then kick somethin' down! Financial aid hasn't disbursed yet!

I saw this ad earlier and I am sorely tempted.....

.......but what if your hand looks like

I'm just sayin'....is there anyone out there who will love me? Is there anyone out there with a similarly shaped hand?! Show me your hands!!!!

Here's a shot of the neighbor's junkyard through the knothole.

Short fluffy post. The term break has been fun, I mean that sincerely; apple cider and comics, what more could a student want on vacation? Starting up again on monday with algebra and drawing, and our drawing instructor headed up a band in the 90s: Miles Exeter. They played at Bumbershoot alongside AIC, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. I know cuz I Googled him. And I hope he's as cool as all that! Expect a full report next week. For the second half of summer I'll be in painting and psychology. Yessirree it's the student's life for me!

soccer

2010-06-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

Soooooo this is what I've been up to. Met up with Alex in Brazil and we kicked it for awhile.....oh 'scuse me, I guess it's not 'soccer', major faux pas! It's 'futbol'!!

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

finale

2010-06-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

Now that the term is over (for all intents and purposes, as I took my final final, in math, tonight -- and I don't think I did half-bad!).........I hardly know what to do with myself.

......umm........

Yeah that will last about two seconds, right?

So tonight I rode home in the gorgeous sunshine absolutely reveling at the no-rain and warm-air situation (and let me tell you that waking to sunshine was an unexpected hail-Mary event). Upon arrival at my domicile with final art projects in tow, I re-arranged the wall furniture to accommodate them. In the last few months I've worked on bigger canvases than any other time and it's been fun. Now that I live in a very small studio apartment, it's a challenge to figure out space to put everything. I have a revolving gallery.

I can, however, successfully calculate the square footage and perimeter of my little two-room cozy with my rediscovered math skillz.

Think I'll drop a couple classes from Summer term though......financial aid offers and awards are based on a three term year (fall, winter, spring). Why kill myself over summer with an 8am psychology class, going until 8pm with math? Drop the psych already, and pick it up in winter (fall term is already chock-full). The painting class would be a fun four-week summer term ending, but again......I'll be at the community college for another year so what's the rush. I'll stick with eight weeks of algebra and drawing, thank you.

Here is an ink painting I did for part of my Visual Arts final project. A big hearty shout out to my good friend Alex in Leeds for being an unwitting inspiration to me (once again). He's pulled me out of so many artistic funks. Thanks Alex!!

30 x 22"

I'm thinking I have enough larger pieces now that I'll submit them for a show at Shawn Mediaclast's Museum of Unfine Art. I could title it simply 'first term spring' and include all the in-and-out-of-class works I've done. I'm building a strong portfolio for any eventuality, like.....going to art school, maybe?! Even the U of O art department will require one of those suckers for admittance into the program.

I haven't ever seriously considered teaching, but in speaking with one of the women who work at Lane Community College in the scholarship foundation office today, I am......considering it. She was awarded a fellowship to attend her school of choice for her MFA by teaching one class per term; in exchange she received a stipend to cover school and living costs. That's the usual deal for graduate school (if you receive the deal, that is). Hmmm.....thinking, thinking....

In the meantime I will pick some brains and do some art.

pure morning

2010-06-04T14:18:00.000-07:00

As I wrote to Graham Roumieu just now, I was in a very foul mood this morning. While at the library browsing through the YA section I rediscovered some of his Bigfoot graphic novels.

He's brilliant.

Now me back to want draw and sing again. I downloaded Butthole Surfers and Placebo, and I am on my game.

Here we see our dear Mr. G from drawing class drilling us mercilessly.

I just saw a tiny caterpillar swinging back and forth in the wind from an invisible anus-thread* . Like one of those carnival rides. I would be totally sick if I was that caterpillar. Maybe caterpillars don't have inner ear canals.

* don't quote me on that; maybe the threads emit from their mouth-ends

How many art students feel that their instructors just don't understand the works issued forth from brilliant and well-meaning artist minds? I think I totally nailed this assignment. Our final project: design an exquisite corpse representing three aspects of your personality, keeping in mind all the design elements we learned (from handouts) and emphasize a flow from one panel to the next.

Okay: the Surrealists invented this game to challenge the order and flow, to exploit the subconscious, anarchy, and illogic. But whatever. I created a pretty strong piece, after doing two others that I'm okay with. This one represents on many levels, yo.

Yes, feel free to click on it for a big picture.

I learned more about design from Molly Bang's book How Pictures Work than I did in class this term. Thank you, Miss Molly. She illustrates with simple construction paper cutouts how to build an image that really works. Before I read the book, I was really getting into cutting out and arranging elements on the page. It is pretty fantastic how we are affected by visuals and placement, size shape color form relationship. It's a fun game to engage with.

and on another note

2010-06-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been awhile hasn't it? What's going on my people? Hope you are all very very contrary and cool, dig.

Me, I'm plugging away at it; this is the last week of classes, with next week being finals. Already?!

The big bummer news: I didn't land that all-expenses paid scholarship trip. The good news is, I qualified for a $1200 scholarship through the community college. I might even be offered an Oregon Opportunity Grant; I'll know more about that in about a week or so. Meanwhile, I am girding my loins to redouble my efforts on the employment front, should I not be offered work study (very limited space, standing room

only).

I celebrated the bad news by drinking a very tall bottle of Summer Blonde Ale last weekend....and a very tall can of Pabst (since the terrifically priced .99 big bottles of blonde were sold out when I went back for more). For me, that is a lot of beer. But my, it tasted good.

And, you know, doing some art. Last night I

hit a stride I haven't felt for awhile. Sketching in pen with no preliminary pencil was......actually a lot of fun:

Thanks to Jay, my Leeds buddy, for the inspiration. He's working on some sort of top-secret art project of his own.

And, you know, monkeying around in class (Mr. G is not very appreciative of the comic form......but he writes a damn good letter of recommendation so maybe I'll land that few hundred dollar scholarship from Krylon):

And, you want to love this!!

this was a fun collage, I'm collage-a-thon-ing lately

Tonight I'm hauling some works on paper in my handy courier tube up to campus to flesh out my finals portfolio as well as fulfill the Pollock assignment that's due for Intro to Visuals. I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone else came up with.

How did Pollock allow his (later) paintings to dry, especially when he painted outdoors? did he paint several simultaneously? did he move them when they were wet? and if so, how did he manage to prevent the paint from running into a muddy mess?

Adieu, and anon, fellow freaks.

READ ON

for news about Kids Read Comics!

Art and Story

2010-06-02T10:32:00.000-07:00

EARLY LITERACY, BABY!!

This morning, as other mornings, I brewed a strong cup of coffee that I strained through my teeth* and fired up the weekly podcast from the guys over at Art and Story. In an act of enthusiastic, shameless other-promotion I'd like to redirect you, dear readers, to not only their website which is chock-full of pithy goodness but also towards the Kids Read Comics! event hosted somewhere really cool** in Michigan.

* the coffee sock isn't working so great

** Dearborn, that would be

Ohmigod even Roger Langridge will be there.

Kids Read Comics! fulfills a moral imperative and valuable social niche: assertion that comics (and by extension, graphic novels) are a legitimate (and savory) artistic and literary art form......that is hella fun. Emphasizing comics and the love of the art form instead of including all the usual fare of other ComiCons (costumes, pictures with Eric Estrada, with an emphasis on commerce) allows kids to learn about this art form, meet artists and writers, and have a great time. And actually it's an all-ages event geared towards inclusion of kids (awesome!!). All of these people putting on the show are volunteering their time, efforts and energy for the greater good, folks (a bit hyperbolic? still it's true). Workshops galore!

Believe me if I could be there I would; I shall accompany them in spirit.

But really....I would love to go, and I think Jerzy, Kevin and Mark (the helmsmen of Art and Story) do a bang-up job of community involvement, outreach and much-needed mayhem (not to mention lots of invaluable insight and information about illustration, art, life, and the biz).

Hats off, gents!

Maybe next year, Faith Erin Hicks and Carla Speed McNeil will join the fracas. Sara Turner will be there though so yahoo!

Man.....I wish I could go. We need something like this in Eugene. Or Portland. Hell, anywhere in Oregon!

Friday May 21

2010-05-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

Will someone please remind me what I'm supposed to remind myself to do or not do when I feel like this*?

* spaced-out; unmotivated; tired; distracted; unfocused; weepy

Go buy a coffee and a pack of smokes, you say? Oh right!! Yeah ha ha kidding. Ugh.

The interview with the Ford Family Scholarship folks yesterday went fine; I mean it didn't go badly but afterwards I felt all raw and like I wanted to cry, throw up, eat and crawl under a rock all at once.

"So I'm missing something here - why don't you go to art school?"

Um, like, it's $30,000 a year. Oh hang on, let me just pull that out of my ass. What do you mean, what's stopping me?! Sure it might be possible, but I'm jus

t barely wrapping my head around the idea of putting myself into debt to go to community college. I know people do it, and I aim to find out how, but I felt rankled about that question. She seemed like a really sweet person and all but has she ever known a hard day in her life?!

Whoah. That's totally unfair. What is going on with me today. I'm positively volcanic on the emotional scene. She did say I did great at the close of the interview. Ugh. No lip service please.

I'm going to draw some more freakish bunnies to send to Italy for a show. And listen to BBC radio on the internet. I don't even care what they're saying, it just sounds so lovely. I know that's such an American response to British accents, but it is completely and utterly true: I think it's all very beautiful and much more interesting than American accents.

Wednesday May 19

2010-05-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

Mr. G commented on the second of two drawings from yesterday, that I was making some really nice lines - very painterly. I don't think he's bullshitting or putting on that 'pump you up' voice either. I hope not; that would piss me off. No - he sounded sincere. I mean, he's probably always sincere in encouraging students. There is something to be said for a mature artist with years under his belt regarding my work as progressing and painterly. Especially because I want to progress, and I do love the painterly.

Today both of the rides to and from school were rain-free. Amazing, considering this crazy spring weather and all the rain bursts that march across the sky all day. The birds are so happy, singing full-throated all the time. I love it.

Tomorrow is the interview for the Ford Family Foundation Scholarship. Relax. And breathe.

tuesday May 18

2010-05-18T22:50:00.001-07:00

Up early for registration aaaaaannnd........I landed all the classes I outlined for myself! Last-minute change, which I might change again. Sorry, boring school talk AGAIN. God, this morning seems like an aeon ago. WHAT in the HELL happened to the day?! No I am seriously serious. I'm a bit stunned. I feel kind of frantic, a rising sort of panic, when I think back on the day and I know I moved deliberately through it, and still it's a sort of blurry dream-thing. It's like a succession of altered states, all day and all night. I might as well just sit back and enjoy the ride, eh?

gird the loins!

buckle the seatbelts!

batten the hatches and bring plenty of dramamine!

HEY I finished Basic Design collages......fuck yeah woo! Now we're doing our Final Project: an Exquisite Corpse, self-portrait. Oooookay!!!

We drew NON-WHITE objects in drawing class today....fuck yeah woo! Our Mr. G lined up three vessels with highly reflective surfaces (tea pots and suchlike). And handed out white charcoal to those of us using vine and pressed.

ack I need sleep, my eyes are crossing

sunday May 16

2010-05-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

To continue......

I felt at ease today in a way I haven't for awhile. I'll enjoy it while it lasts, and that's not fatalistic, it's realistic. And maybe next time I spin out I can remember how I felt today.

Today? Laundry, hung out to dry in the warm sun. Love that. Made a print that I am okay with, pretty much, not being anything hugely special. I'm remembering all the little things I'm reading in the books on art and books by artists. Things like, the seeds for your next work lie in this one; ask your work what it needs.

I'm reading/looking at The Illustrated Life, a compendium of sketchbooks from which to draw inspiration from, but artists of all different stripes and spots. One of the women is an illustrator who graduated with a BFA and says that she isn't so happy so much with how she draws, that it's as if she's still nine years old, but that she's more okay with that now. That struck me like a bolt of lightening -- her drawings aren't very sophisticated, but they're genuine, and she draws every day, and she graduated from university with a degree......I felt in good company, and assured that all of my feelings about art, my self, my worth, expectations, etc ad nauseum (no disrespect to any of it).....are all normal and shit. So, yay!

Man I'm sleepy though. Here's the picture of the print, maybe some day I will approach the mad skillz of Kathe Kollwitz, but you know what? Maybe I never will, and......at least today...I'm okay with that. (another passage in Art and Fear - the reconciliation after the realization or intimation that you've done all your best work already...maybe I have....who knows? what if that's true? maybe I don't have to try so hard to top myself and struggle so much to create the kind of art I think makes me a 'real artist'...)

ps - last wednesday in my Intro to Visual Arts class, we looked at Kathe Kollwitz's work and I felt re-inspired. Fantastic feeling. Her works are so powerful. Also we viewed a short video and the artist is......hang on lemme look at my notes.......Gabriel Orozco. He's into all sorts of different stuff, and says that he would rather be a beginner in many mediums than an expert in just one or two. He's being filmed while noodling around, just noodling around doing stuff, nothing hugely monumental in the way we're taught to think of monumental 'art'. But, still -- the small monuments and homage to the creative impulse and living along/with/inside that creative momentum. I was inspired by both of these artists by their love of experiment and multi-medium -- I identify with that and I haven't been experimenting so much lately. I've been very concerned with (the stultifying) 'getting it right'. WTF. Oh that again. Okay, time to take out the trash!!

saturday - may 15

2010-05-15T23:25:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get wasted tonight. So bad. But you know what? I didn't. A dozen times I about walked over to the market, bought a pack of cigarettes and some alcohol. Instead, I drew (a little bit, and then thought again about how great a cigarette and a beer would be). And then, I actually did a few algebra problems (and thought how fucking awesome a cigarette and a beer would be). I paced around a lot. I talked myself off the ledge, or at least....away from the very edge of the ledge and reminded myself that neither of those things would really make me feel better in the long run. Dammit!! Finally, it was dark and I felt somehow safer. I made a huge bowl of popcorn, and watched Yes Man (pretty fun show). I ate two huge bowls of popcorn, actually. And a few other things....

but I did NOT smoke any cigarettes, or drink any beer, and get blitzed. So I won't feel like shit tomorrow. Even though I ate a huge amount of food. I think this is the first time in my life that I've done any sort of binge eating and actually felt good about it. And me and binge, we go a long way back.

I'm full, and sleepy, so goodnight. Here are a couple sketches from this morning's drawing session. I almost packed up and walked out the door so many times. Willem de Kooning said he never felt peaceful or pure while painting, or as a result of it. When I read that, I felt angry and also relieved.

friday, how you say, may fourteen

2010-05-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

egads. gads zooks. I was planning on going to Portland to check out the PNCA you know? But I slept not well at all last night, with an aching back, so I didn't push myself out of bed at four a.m. to catch that 5:30 train. I'm rescheduling for a time when I can stay for a couple of days instead, and stay at the hostel, prowl the city, that sort of thing. Maybe on break, before Summer classes begin. At least, that's the plan.

How in the world do students actually go to school full time?? Am I missing something? There is only so much money that the government will lend. Those loans and grants don't really cover all of school plus living expenses. I guess scholarships? What the hell?

Thirty grand a year for PNCA. Wow. I'd go in a heartbeat if I landed that Ford Re-Start Scholarship.

Anyway. My brain is tired, so's my body, here are a couple of paint pushers I paint-pushed this afternoon. I learned some stuff about the materials and application, which is all to the good - and I allowed myself to relax into putzing around without so much pressure to perform.

The photos are way more interesting than the originals. I don't remember why I thought to lift this one to the light (it was gorgeously sunny and really warm today) but it's much prettier this way:

I had laid down some watercolor and it wasn't to my liking (running together making a messy mudpit of a page) so I hosed it all off (literally). I then crumpled the paper up (it's a sizable sheet of watercolor paper) and made it soft, and then re-applied colors in wet on wet. I like the end result.......held up against the front door! The original is actually a very very dull rendering. I didn't need to fiddle with contrast or anything.

This original is dull too, so I liberally applied some contrast and stuff to it:

And here's the bleedthrough onto butcher paper, that I actually quite like

I'm going to watch the remainder of Ponyo tonight! Miyazaki's (and Co.) latest efforts, which becomes more charming as the film matures.

hump day, may 12

2010-05-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

And we're almost over the other side of the month as well! Four weeks left in the Term, including finals week, which isn't that big of a deal for me personally. The biggie will be a comprehensive in Albegra, otherwise known as Algebra.

Our instructor for drawing class has once again cancelled, for tomorrow. I feel disappointed. I've been looking forward to academic rigor and classroom studio. In this term of twenty classes total, two have been cancelled and two others were shortened by so much that we didn't draw AT ALL. I realize that shit happens, and our Mr. G probably has some family stuff he's dealing with. But isn't it interesting that I'm raring to go, and I'm being 'forced' to slow down, at least in terms of formal education credits.

I was pretty enraged about it, earlier in the term. Now, not so much. There's no use in fighting - in trying to shoulder aside a boulder, you know? Certain wheels just turn slowly. I think I've basically dented my forehead against that boulder so much that I'm tired of doing that........maybe I'm going to practice non-resistence for awhile, eh?

Anyway, I've introduced this wild hair up my ass: going to the Pacific Northwest College of Art in Portland. It might not be such a wild hair; it might be a viable option. What led to this? Well:

Overhearing a conversation about transfer credits in the hall at Lane; a few appointments with advisors at U of O, where I'm planning on transferring. I've learned how to cut out a whole lot of courses by doing a direct transfer instead of an Associate Transfer.

Started wondering what other sorts of courses are required for art schools......namely, the one in Portland. Will I need so much math? How about a foreign language? Curious, I started poking around their website last night. Between last night and tonight I've spend a chunk of time nosing around, and asking questions over the phone.

I'm going up on Friday to meet with an admissions counselor. She'll give me a tour, and we'll do an informal sort of interview, which includes me presenting my portfolio. I've filled out an online application, and amended my FAFSA to include PNCA as a school I'm considering attending, so that the college will have access to my financial aid info.

Just, you know, starting the process in case I go there, fall in love with the place and the vibe, and could possibly swing a scholarship or two and some inflated loans. I'm down with it! I'm totally down with it!

Committing to myself on the level that enables me to not only entertain the notion of racking up huge debt but actually accept loans is a HUGE step for me. Even though I haven't used the Stafford Loan money awarded to me for Spring Term, it's in the bank, and I'm willing to dip into it and hell, even drain it dry.

*gulp*

If PNCA just doesn't ring true for me, maybe it will another year, or maybe it's just not for me; I anticipate that I'll know when I see the place. I'm certainly not overjoyed about U of O's program, but I will definitely go there if that's what I can swing (and be funded for) -- and I feel confident that I will also learn a good deal.

This is one of the places I'm finding to trust, as per John Cage's advice (tips for students and teachers, that I posted in two five-point chunks). Trust that I'll know which direction to go in; GO in that direction; and trust that whatever experience presents itself or that I'm in, I'll really invest myself in that experience and know that (cheesy as it sounds) I'm going to learn something valuable.

See that glass? Hot damn! It's half full!

PNCA offers (as art schools do....) different specialized programs within the BFA program. And Illustration is one of them. In this program, students create their own graphic novels. It says so right on the website!!! When I read that last night I felt my heart turn over in my chest. Like.....oh my god......I could receive formal education in a field of my choosing, right down to the graphic novel? Which is one of my DREAMS? Wow. It's amazing, really - sequential art has risen in stature!

U of O doesn't offer any Illustration.

God - moving again?

Sure. Why not.

Portland is the best little big city, I keep hearing.

Even if I stay in Eugene, just thinking about and initiating this trajectory is a big deal for me. The act of purposeful/intent and willingness to risk (the unknown, big debt, uprooting again) is a really big deal.

Tuesday, May Eleven

2010-05-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Time Warp!

Black Hole.

Now sleeeeeeeeepy.

A Basic Design assignment: find a picture. Simplify it. Enlarge it, use the graphing method (re-drawing it to proportion). Paint it with black acrylic. I see the merit in this assignment: teaching students how to select and represent visual elements that pack a punch. The acrylic was a bad move; I did another (different) picture prior to this one and my lines were just all over the place and sloppy. With this one, I simplified the picture to the point of erasing most of his face, and added some stripes in an otherwise unremarkable and uniform black. Also arranged the spectacle frames into a sort of "??" expression. Since I had paid my dues with the graphing/proportion hand-draw method, I treated myself to a shortcut and simply traced the figure I had simplified and inked it with Higgins. I'm okay with the results; in fact I think it's kinda cool.

(is it a function of me hanging out with a younger crowd at college that I am saying 'cool' a lot?)

Interesting that the bulk of the assignments in my art classes are just what I asked for: exercises that I wouldn't normally gravitate towards or even have a proclivity for. At first I felt bruised and outraged: I wanted to show my instructors that I'm an artist in my own right, and I've produced some pretty cool shit, dammit! With these assignments, I haven't felt any real affinity or enthusiasm for them. But you know what?

You don't achieve anywhere without putting in the work. And sometimes, the work is just plain ol' hard work and you don't have to like it but you have to do it. So sometimes I still fight it (that @@#W#% collage, for example) but I'm also learning to just ease into it, find a rhythm and let myself enjoy the process.

Enjoy?

Hmmmm........value. Yes, grasshopper, value the process.

Nonday Nay Tenn

2010-05-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

There's my art project for today! Bonus, with bruises! (you should see the front side, a nice long shallow gash from misstepping with a metal easel last week in drawing class)

Ever seen Ray Johnson's collages? Or his bunny? Or the documentary How to Draw a Bunny? Oooh you better, you don't wanna die bunny-less.

I will probably need to redo the bunny homage tomorrow, as I need to go shower -- and maybe I will add a legion to keep the original company.

Oh, right, no it's not a tattoo. Although....I am considering it.

Actually I did a small drawing exercise earlier today, which I want to copy off and see if it'll make something cool. So maybe there will be something relatedly coolish in a near-future post.

I also saw an academic advisor about study abroad in France, to fulfill a language requirement for my BFA when I transfer over to the University. Damn, wouldn't that be all kindsa cool.

Sunday May 09, with and without sun

2010-05-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

The Crows in the Wheat Field

based on Van Gogh's painting

collage on board

20 x 18"

Oh my god, I am so glad this collage is done. It's an OCD'ers wet dream, right? Well I guess I'm not that afflicted after all. Ugh! This sucker was an all-day project for Basic Design and I gritted my teeth through it all the way. Last night I read something about Jackson Pollock and how he said as long as he was in touch with his painting, everything was cool. It was when he wasn't, that..it wasn't. It was much better when quoted and it gave me pause for thought: the way he worded it was beyond the obvious. Or behind the obvious.

Another thing I read in Art and Fear is to ask your work what it needs, not what you need.

I am totally willing to subordinate myself. But then again, I am ostensibly not because I remain conflicted and experience anxiety and apprehension around the whole creative process. Like today. It was an exercise in repetition to bring myself back to the work and ask what it needed.....I continued to try and dominate the whole experience ("I hate this shit, the glue is so messy, all these little pieces, what a pile of horsedookie, my back is killing me, why the hell am I doing this anyway??").

So I kept trying to stay in touch with the 'painting' and there were moments, I guess you can see that. There were also lots of moments where I just couldn't stay with it and I guess you can see that, too.

Anyway. Chalk another one up.

Tomorrow I meet with an academic advisor at the University (I think I wrote about that) -- this evening I've spent considerable time combing through course equivalencies and I found the BA requirements page and have done a couple hours' worth of preparatory work so that when I go in for my meager half-hour ear-bender I can hopefully maximize the time. Ah does mah homework yes sirree.

Time to call it a day. And a beautiful one it was......replete with sunny skies, warm weather, cloudy skies, a bike ride, and a helluva rainstorm (luckily I had already ducked into Kiva for my weekly grocery shopping when the thunder clapped and the heavens opened.....it was like nothing I've seen in years). (and luckily, the storm passed quickly enough that I only needed to wait a few more minutes after making my purchases to load up the bike and ride home under no rainy skies!)

it is Saturday, 08th of May

2010-05-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

And here are the second five of the list I posted a few weeks ago, from Carrie's syllabus.

Some rules and hints for Students and Teachers

By John Cage

Rule 6: Nothing is a mistake. There's no win and no fail. There's only make.

(oh my god, I seriously needed to hear that.....I am feeling better already)

Rule 7: The only rule is work- if you work it will lead to something. it's the people who do all of the work all of the time who eventually catch on to things.

(can you feel it??)

Rule 8: Don't try to create and analyze at the same time. They're different processes.

(WHOAH!)

Rule 9: Be happy whenever you can manage it. Enjoy yourself. It's lighter than you think.

(Artists do not need to be moody and brooding.....at least not all of the time)

Rule 10: We're breaking all of the rules. Even our own rules and how do we do that? By leaving plenty of room for "x" quantities.

I met with an academic advisor at UofO where I plan to transfer and new information has come to light. I'll need two years' proficiency in a foreign language for my BA. Uhhh......I guess that's pretty standard, but I had no idear. I'm excited in a way, and also - well it's interesting because now that I am on a trajectory with art, it's what I want to immerse myself in. I had the idear that since most of my general eds are fulfilled from WSU in the 90s, I'll just be concentrating on ART. Not so.

I guess that is what a Master's is for.

Hmmmmmmmm............

Here's a foot from this morning!

The floor is really dusty with charcoal; all the model's bare feet end up completely blackened. I love to draw 'em.

Sandy was a font of inspiration and advice today, including, "oh and don't make the background all black like that......add some of the other colors." (on the one below) I was going for a stylized background, not realistic :) And I wanted a very crisp edge.

The cleft in the buttocks is creeping even me out. That's saying something. But oh right, a learning opportunity.

I went for a bike ride after drawing and I saw the coolest mallard - all the feathers (at least the ones I could see) are an iridescent black!

I'm gonna go watch some Art21 and let slumber take me early.

five ways to say it

2010-05-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

Short 'n sweet, I'm turning into a pumpkin as I write:

I realized I know how to say "I don't know" in five languages (including English, mais oui):

Wakarimasen - Japanese (although technically speaking, it's shirimasen)

Je n'est ce pas - Français

No se - Espagnol

Teriadoo - Tamil (south India)

And here's some postcard decoratives (especially for my library buddies - and those working for the City), goodnight!

Thursday May the sixth

2010-05-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

oh my golly I have to go lie down I did all my math homework it's ten o'clock and I'm utterly knacked after a wonderful ride to and from school with sunshine and lots of good art and conversation sandwiched in between not to mention a helluva run-on sentence

(huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh - deep breath)

I started the ink and watercolor above last night, wasn't happy, but didn't wallow or go down That Road. This morning I reworked it and felt more excited and happy about it!

Upon arriving at school I discovered that I lost my glove but I didn't lose it or go down That Road; instead I saddled up and retraced my route in. Found the glove not too far off. yessssss.

Our Mr. G. asked what I wanted to draw today and I said, gestures! figures! on newsprint! you promised us newsprint and gestures! Nope, he wasn't going for that. But he did bring out some pieces of face painted white. Um. Yeah!

Yesterday I copied these off. It'll fulfill a few functions: fun, mail art, and a class assignment (I chose the DaDa if you'll remember, this is just an extra goody in addition to that collage piece):

And finally, I just really like this. A lot. O yasumi nasai! (that's goodnight, in japanese; alternatively, konbanwa)

Wednesday may 05th

2010-05-05T10:37:00.001-07:00

sun/rain/sun/rain/wind/hail/sun/wind: what am I? Answer: a typical Eugene spring day.

On the right you'll see I added a link to my galpal's Etsy shop. She's a formidable artist. I recommend you buy something from her, pronto.

This morning I saw that squirrel who was munching a bisquit....bis...how the hell you spell?...biscuit. Wow. Kinda like bisquit though. Anyway, that squirrel (pretty sure it's the same one) was stuffing something else in its mouth: the row cover. It's a really long swath of fabric that is designed to cover your crops and protect them from elements (and bugs......and squirrels, maybe). This squirrel's eyes are bigger than its jowls. I mean, there are five feet of fabric there!

I trotted out there, shoo'ed the critter away (damn humans!) and covered the raised bed properly this time, anchoring it with rocks and bricks. The squirrels climb over chicken wire fences I erect (to keep the cats from using the beds as their litter boxes) and insist on digging holes......right where I plant fresh cauliflower starts, for instance. Argh.

Did I write about the full load of classes I signed up for? Must be off my nut. Math, Art (intermediate Drawing), Communications, and a Biology. Last two are offered online. 15 credit hours. In eight weeks. Yeehaw! It's funny -- last term when I was eyeballing the requisites for Speech/Communications I thought yeah right, why take a communications class through distance learning?? Preposterous! ha ha! Look what I ended up doing! It's a good way to stuff in some classes though, I reckon......plus, I anticipate that the material covered in Communications is something I, uh, do on a daily basis (no really, I think about everything so damn much, almost as much as my brain is off the hook...I'm bound to be on board with the course material and I can do practicums on my landlady).

okay, walking it out now......

Tuesday May 04

2010-05-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

Hey! This is being a real sweet deal of a day! I don't know what happened, I mean I was in such a funk. I'm mystified: is there a secret handshake I did with myself behind my back to precipitate my mood shift? Shit just ain't botherin' me today; I'm slowing down but I don't feel sluggish (I mean that I'm willing to step down the pace from frenetic and anxious to definitely-less-than-frenetic-and-anxious, and just let it all happen because there are just certain - many - things that are just beyond my control). I'm feeling fine with......with......imperfection and life's vicissitudes. God, I am going to make myself cry here. Or laugh hysterically. You pick, and email me, and I will comply.

Well, the first thing I did differently was to wake up pretty early this morning and I tucked myself in earlier than usual last night. I woke up before the alarm, at 6:22 to be precise, and registered online for summer classes (at 7am sharp!). By 8:30, after my morning routine and cup of Art and Story, I felt like I'd done a day's worth and only been up a couple hours. Invigorating!

Maybe I should habitually rise early after going to bed at a reasonable hour? Maybe my twice-daily dose of Dong Quai is finally taking hold of those darker moods by the throat (as it is designed to do, maybe not so graphically).

This little critter was sitting on top of the compost bin this morning, munching on something that looked really good, actually. Some flatbread? It's not mine. Got a kick out of it:

I rode to skool, which was wonderful (no rain on me!). I liked seeing the bicycle tire tracks in the newly street-sweepered bike lane; usually there are no visible tracks, but today there were and I felt like I was part of A Movement, you know? Evidence of other bicyclists gone before me, most likely grinding up that hill to school too.

Even though I'm stymied as to how I'm going to put together/pull off the latest Basic Design project and I think the teeny weeny corner that I sort-of completed today doesn't convey what I want, I'm not kicking myself in the keister about it (hey what a concept!). It was fun to post our last projects (the self-portrait collage) and do the informal/ish critiques. I love seeing everyone's art up; I'm always inspired, and it's so great how everyone's 'signature' is so much their own. I just felt so......ugh here's the word of the New Age Day....grounded and in the flow, in class. Ummmm.....present, okay? OKAY I said it. Relaaaaxed. I wasn't even bothered by one of my classmates who is chronically complaining and nattering on. THAT is really cool.

In drawing class, we started out with this:

General consensus at Mr. G's forceful sentiment: "Flowers are a bitch!!" But I had fun anyway. OH yeah! I arrived on campus early so I sat in the cafeteria and sketched and I actually enjoyed it. A LOT. There's nothing spectacular about what I drew, but my marks were decisive, and I liked putting the marks down even when they weren't what I liked, you know? Fuck yeah!!!

So then - still in drawing class here - I started doing another thumbnail, this time with vine charcoal. I wasn't too yippy-skippy about it, but Mr. G said Heeey that is working really well, why don't you try doing it on one of these big pieces of paper? (He'd brought some in for us, isn't that cool?) Oh hell why not, okay!

Oh man! Felt so good to just lay down a loose gesture and then block it in a bit, and then he said IT'S DONE! Okay!! Leave it at that! Here is That:

Keeping in mind that we are still doing the sort of classical drawing exercises, creating a composition with three values, with the alpha dark set against the focal point/alpha white.

"Fun isn't it?" he asked.
"YEAH!" And it was! Art hasn't been fun for me for a long time. Fuck yeah! ha ha!

Then I did another quick one before leaving and biking home and eating a kick-ass stir fry for dinner:

The canvas is twice the size of our large pages we usually work in. Jacque has been urging me for years to work big. Working big requires a different sort of big breath for the blank canvas than other big breaths I usually do on smaller pieces.....but it is so - dare I say - liberating. Plus, using the motion of your arm and wrist in larger radius feels great too.

And you know, I really appreciated being encouraged and rooted for. My sophomoric efforts are just that, and it's where I am, and I'm enjoying the potential more than I am focusing on anywhere else I should be.

Carry on then, fellow artmongers and dissidents!

Monday May 03

2010-05-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

"You got to split up into pieces

and then reconstruct yourself from the elements"

Burnt Friedman -Nonplace Whistle

This is what I'm listening to, by chance, while assembling this piece - which I reconstructed from a quick charcoal drawing on newsprint I did this morning. I cut it up into random pieces, mixed 'em up, put them facedown, applied glue one piece at a time, and then closed my eyes and placed them one by one on the page.

Fried

charcoal collage

20 x 13"

There was intention behind the piece, for the Visual Arts Intro class. We were given a choice among several different assignments in lieu of class not being held today (our instructor is in San Francisco, enjoying lots of art....envious happiness!). I chose to create a piece in the Dadaism tradition (oh that's so anti-Dada, to refer to Dada in a traditional context!). I had checked out a book at the library on campus on Dadaism, and Surrealism, a couple weeks ago. This morning I thumbed through it and saw a Hans Arp collage, one of his 'by chances'. I love it:

Hans Arp

Collage Made According to the Laws of Chance, 1916

Turning my attention to how I'm feeling when I'm doing art - or doing anything - or ostensibly 'not doing anything'. Doing a lot of gut-breathing.

As usual, I both enjoyed making art this morning and found it challenging and even unpleasant. Actually the unpleasantness is a result of thinking I 'Should' (anything), or when I want to make something really stellar and am afraid I won't, or never will. Goddamn! Gotta laugh at that shit sometimes.

---

evenin'

I glued up the Leftovers:

Measuring 8 x 6"

Bedtime. Already. Registering for Summer classes in the morning, 7am sharp!

Mon Apr 26 - Sun May 2

2010-04-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hooray for paint, paper, and paint-applying tools! And sploshing around, with little preconceived direction. :)

it's bigger!

Letting The Paint Fall Where It May

April 2010

KitchenStudio

---

TueSDaY

Math is kicking my ass tonight! And my brain too. Word problems......yeaargh! And percentages!

We drew big animal skulls this afternoon. I need to find a new method of mark-making. Lots of inspiration from my esteemed colleagues though! In Design class we are doing self-portrait text collages. We handed in our last project and I forgot to bring my camera and snap pictures. We worked on our projects in class only.

I honestly do not understand how the day has passed so quickly. I even hauled out of bed at 6:30 this morning. Tired now. Good night, sorry for such a dry post. I feel despondent at how little I seemed to accomplish today despite the long hours. I trust that something mildly profound is going on at a subatomic level, under my egoic radar.

---

Wednesday,

wow okay, now we're halfway through The Term! And Summer classes have been posted! Time is definitely moving differently from my new vantage position as student.

Earlier, before classes, I messed around with stamping and repetitive shapes. I began the impromptu exercise doing random stampings, trying for an emergent property/organic/spontaneous angle. That didn't fly. So I organized the marks into rows, imposing a little order on things. Trying to keep in mind all I'm learning and looking at art-wise that is related to the classes I'm in (drawing, design) = composition, hierarchy of shape, rhythm, repetition/echoing shapes, focus (active vs. resting).

I did a couple of postcards and liked developing the layers and the idea, so I played with the photos a bit and came up with these. You can click on 'em for bigs this time; I uploaded pretty large files (and I want some prints of these so I'll research something in that realm this weekend).

I'd like to do some biggers -- I mean maybe not wall-sized, but certainly as big as our drawing sized sheets at 18 x 24......but maybe even bigger! Maybe more white space on the left? And when the canvas is bigger, what size shall I make the 'bricks'? And how will I render those marching bricks -- I want a certain uniformity and exactness, but not so much or it will be boring. So I don't think spraying out shapes with a template would be the answer. I like the stamp pad a lot -- I went over the shapes again with acrylic, and then even again with the stamp pad.

Also, I used an eraser that was broken in half as the stamper.

Plus I want to make that red really red on the canvas, so......how to do that (pop it out against white?).

I am trying to figure out how to settle down and focus on just a couple things instead of a whole barrel-full. It's pretty crazy, how many directions I go in at once, or in rapid-fire succession. It's not very productive and I feel agitated. Is this, in part, a product of growing older? Feeling the years creeping up, and thinking oh my god, there isn't much time left? I mean who the hell knows when you're number is up anyway but still....this sense of needing to accomplish so much more is exhausting.

Today, once I (finally) rested on a locus, I became absorbed in the development and unfolding of discovery and everything else quieted down. That is what I love about creating, and it's so strange how a part of me resists settling down or insists on keeping me hyper-alert. There is this fear that I'm wasting my time, that in the end I'll have nothing to show for my investment. Good lord!! Have I really forgotten how to just play??

Nawwww. But the weight of my years...they're threatening to tow me under...okay enough histrionics.

And here is one last manipulation I thought was interesting......they all have their moments and different aspects that I really like.......

------

Thursday

I'm feeling less stressed out about how fast the days go vs. how 'little' I accomplish. I ordered the critic to stand down lest we all go completely bonkers. I can't add any hours to the day; I won't give up brushing my teeth or eating food that's healthy which requires time to prepare or shorting myself on exercise; I'm doing the best I can and I'm not sitting around with my thumb up my ass watching the quintessential season of LOST, or re-runs of Married with Children, you know? So I'm easing up on myself. It doesn't do me any good to stress out about how much better/faster/more accomplished I think I should be.

I do, however, wish that people in art studio classes weren't so chatty and disruptive. I can't concentrate with all that bok-bok-bok going on. I've never been one to be able to study with music, television or movies going on either. And I certainly can't carry on any sort of conversation and do art simultaneously -- unless I'm doing something rote, like tracing or inking something that's penciled.

anyway :)

Here we have some studies done over the last two weeks including this afternoon (last pic) in our Beginning Drawing class. Our dear Mr. G has been present and accounted for and I'm pleased about that. I'm learning stuff. Stuff in addition to drawing, even. Bonus!

So right now we're learning about value, edge, alpha dark lipsmacking that alpha white to produce that focal point - and the further from focal, the fuzzier and looser we draw so as not to compete and frenzy the eye or create visual conflict. Tension is good, chaos is not. These are great principles to be learning. It's why I'm in school. Lots to keep in mind while you're plundering a canvas, to be sure :)

ps - I received written congratulatory notification today from the Ford Family Foundation: I've been chosen for an interview to receive a scholarship that would pay for everything the Pell Grant doesn't cover for the 2010-11 school year (I'm talking everything....rent, bills, food, art supplies). They reviewed 554 applications and will interview 88 people, selecting up to 45 to receive the Ford ReStart Award for women such as myself (non-traditional students, returning after a long hiatus, with little or no college). The FFF is based in Eugene -- my interview is May 20th. I'm pretty thrilled to have just been chosen; that helps my confidence, knowing that I filled out the application in an adroit and articulate manner......plus my old boss at the Library gave me a totally kick-ass letter of recommendation.

----

Fryday. As in, totally fried.

I do not feel invigorated, energized or inspired by the hours of time I invested in a Design project today. This really sucks. No, I'm not going to post it either. It's a text collage self-portrait and I did two (one yesterday in class). I'm trying to view today's three (four???) hours of cut and paste as a learning experience but to tell you the fucking truth, I don't really give a shit about learning anything since I feel like I just wasted my time.

It's also because I wanted to create something playful but sophisticated, and I did not accomplish either. I didn't have fun. I'm in a dark mood. Now the doubts and heavy self-crit crowd in and it's standing room only.

Knowing when you've hit diminishing returns, and knowing when to hang in there just a bit longer because that state of absorption and creativity that galvanizes is right around the corner can be a toughie. I think right now I need a break. I think I do know the difference, actually, and I should give myself more credit for my intuition and skills than I do. And be more friendly to myself too. Goddamn it, be friendlier! Or I'll smack ya!

***

intermission

One of my recently found and now-favorite illustrators (podcast) is Chris Oatley. I just remembered two things I read on his site that heartened me mighty:

Keep working at it. You'll get it.

You are beautiful and creative.

Thanks for the modern-day mantras. I feel a glimmer of remembered hope. Actually, I really do feel a bit better....there is this weird post-post-post christian guilt complex (despite me divorcing them all...religion is like the psycho ex that haunts and stalks you, the fucker) that plays heavily into my black moods when I don't do something perfectly, or when I think I'm wasting time. I'm now also recalling a passage in Art and Fear (by David Bayles and Ted Orland) that I read last night, about imperfections:

"For you, the seed for your next art work lies embedded in the imperfections of your current piece. Such imperfections (or mistakes, if you're feeling particularly depressed about them today) are your guides - valuable, reliable, objective, non-judgmental guides - to matters you need to reconsider or develop further. It is precisely this interaction between the ideal and the real that locks your art into the real world, and gives meaning to both."

Here's some more, I'm finding this remarkably reassuring and it's undermining the Standing Room Only Crowd:

"If you think good work is somehow synonymous with perfect work, you are headed for big trouble. Art is human; error is human; ergo, art is error. Inevitably, your work (like, uh, the preceding syllogism...) will be flawed. Why? Because you're a human being, and only human beings, warts and all, make art. Without warts it is not clear what you would be, but clearly you wouldn't be one of us."

(I had a wart removed from my neck several weeks ago, now I want it back)

the Doubts persist: What if I fail to learn, or if I fail to evolve? What good does all the imperfection do me if I'm incapable of learning from my imperfections and mistakes? What if I just don't 'get it' and I won't, ever? Folks, this is seriously one of my deepest fears -- that I was born with a missing piece, that there is a secret I'll never be privy to.

Doesn't this seem like a part of me is just hell-bent on fucking me over? WELL STOP THAT!

"Nonetheless, the belief persists among some artists (and lots of ex-artists) that doing art means doing things flawlessly - ignoring the fact that this prerequisite would disqualify most existing works of art. Indeed, it seems vastly more plausible to advance the counter-principle, namely that imperfection is not only a common ingredient in art, but very likely an essential ingredient. Ansel Adams, never one to mistake precision for perfection, often recalled the old adage that "The perfect is the enemy of the good", his point being that if he waited for everything in the scene to be exactly right, he'd probably never make a photograph."

AWESOOOOME!!!

Now I'm ready to post a picture of yesterday's collage endeavor:

Break up the text a bit, it's hard to look at a blog post with a shitload of text. Ha ha! There's text in the collage, neener neener!

So yeah, this was all over the place and I did learn a few things, as you will see from today's project, which I am mostly done being pouty about. The text reads 'art is the antidote', a phrase I coined, at least for myself, as I haven't heard it before. You can click for bigs.

Sigh. I shall gird my loins and try again another time.

"Adams was right: to require perfection is to invite paralysis. The pattern is predictable: as you see error in what you have done, you steer your work toward what you imagine you can do perfectly. You cling ever more tightly to what you already know you can do - away from risk and exploration, and possibly further from the work of your heart. You find reasons to procrastinate, since to not work is to not make mistakes. Believing that artwork should be perfect, you gradually become convinced that you cannot make such work. (You are correct.) Sooner or later, since you cannot do what you are trying to do, you quit. And in one of those perverse little ironies of life, only the pattern itself achieves perfection - a perfect death spiral: you misdirect your work; you stall; you quit.

To demand perfection is to deny your ordinary (and universal) humanity, as though you would be better off without it. Yet this humanity is the ultimate source of your work; your perfectionism denies you the very thing you need to get your work done. Getting on with your work requires a recognition that perfection itself is (paradoxically) a flawed concept."

amen and good afternoon, ladies and gents

---

Saturday!!

"I find it exhilarating to start a canvas with no idea how it will turn out, no pre-conceived ideas, just a process that is relentlessly demanding and seldom rewarding. But, Oh!, when it all comes together and you realize that you fought all the doubts and all the demons and you won."

-Clifford Wilton

Abstract 373

2009

Oil on Canvas

43 x 62 inches

Oh!, my god! I'm seriously in rapture here. This painting by Clifford Wilton is so arresting my attention. His words ring so clear. I feel so human. I love this. I found the....what do you call these things? that artists make, the postcards, sometimes very oversized, to announce their shows? as I was walking to figure drawing studio this morning up in Lawrence Hall. His Recent Paintings are presented by the Office of the Governor and Oregon Arts Commission; he's showing in Salem through May 7th. That's the only reason I'd ever go to back to Salem (been there once, my experience is not one I'd repeat and I'd not live in Salem).

I wonder if he painted over the canvas umpteen times. I wonder what his process is. I'll look him up online.

Hey! I bought a canvas today! There's a mega sale going on at our Oregon Art Supply. I want some biggers....maybe tomorrow I'll walk downtown, snag a couple biggies and ride the bus back home (drop me off about two blocks away). I was able to secure the canvas I bought this afternoon to the rack on my bike, but any bigger and I wouldn't be able to. I also bought some brushes.

There is an in-process on the floor over there, awaiting further experimentation.....does it spoil it, or not, if I show in-process? I mean, I like to see that sort of stuff on other peoples' blogs and sites....actually there are two....

What a gorgeous day today. Warm, sunny. Drawing session was productive. By this I refer to the state of being absorbed -- even though I'm not super excited about the drawings themselves (there are some fine moments in each), I am very...satisfied?....content?....that after about an hour I sunk into being absorbed in the whole process of it. I guess I stopped fighting.

Here is the progression:

Sandy, a fellow artist whose drawings I really admire and appreciate, and whose personality and temperament suggest a very balanced person, and who I like talking with - she said to stop using newsprint. Because I'm too good a draw-er. Usually I don't repeat stuff like this, you know? Ugh, I don't mean to be annoying and toot my horn, right? I was completed gobsmacked. I mean she's been drawing for YEARS, she knows her way around a canvas, so it's not an off-hand comment. I felt really heartened. I think what she sees is the potential, and I'm glad for her feedback. She doesn't gush, and I wouldn't want her to, but she is honest in her appraisals, and positive.

Those last two are not on newsprint, by the way.

Our model today was great. Inexperienced, and wonderful. I happened to be on the receiving end of a lot of foreshortening opportunities. I was up for the challenge of that today!

Of the next-to-last drawing up there, my next door neighbor (who often works in sumi but today was working with vine charcoal) remarked that it reminded her of (the painter, yes) Francis Bacon's work. I looked him up, I've been meaning to.......wow. I'm galvanized!

I'm very interested in abstracts and certain landscapes lately, too. Part of it is just being exposed to more art, and seeking out art. Part of it is that I've been trying so hard...too hard...to render the human figure in a more, well, western representational/realistic style, wanting so much to see and then draw, build a good foundation.....and I'm not seeing the kind of progress I know I am capable of, and I don't know why except that I'm trying too hard. So fuck it, I'm not going to try so hard.

I'll just try really hard at abstracts instead!

mwahahahahahaaaaa

-----

Sunday May Two

I messed around with that canvas. Hmmmmm...........I think I'll make a circle accordion book out of it. It's okay, I mean, it was good practice/learning medium/freestyley session.

Well just a sec, I think I need to hang it up and stand back to look at it; still, I think I'll transform it into a circle accordion book. The idea came from a class that a new acquaintance/fellow artist is teaching at the Oregon Art Supply store. I found some (very well- written, complete and clear) instructions for making the book, online (not by Jill Cardinal, the teacher).

***

later that day......

20 x 24"

Well so okay, the book idea, I'm saving for another day and another canvas, TBD. I decided instead to, well you see what I decided. Cut it up and re-arrange it! Four-inch squares recombined to make a brand new picture! It was pretty cool to lay 'em all out and play puzzle-pieces, arranging and moving them around. Once I decided that the repetition would be in the orientation of the arc, it went pretty fast (fast being a relative term). Then I glued 'em all down while listening to Mark Rudolph and Jerzy Drozd over at Art and Story. Thanks for the company, guys.....now that I paused the podcast, my studio feels so...very....quiet. Like there is a gaping hole where you guys were just moment ago. :)

Actually, I also unplugged the ticking clock. Well, and by unplugged I mean, removed the battery. I can't believe I lived a whole year with a clock ticking in my studio. It's SO not me. I notice now how much I glance at it, and how anxious I was feeling with the tick-tick-tick of time passing, jesus, almost like a death knoll.

It's all part of my plan to reduce anxiety and agitation. I think it's working.

God! It's so blissfully quiet now! Why didn't I do this sooner?!

I'm going to recommend a great movie now: A Town Called Panic. Holy mother of mackerel! It's a French stop-motion film based on a Belgian TV series. It's phenomenal. You. Must. See. This. Jackie and I laughed for an hour-and-a-half straight, it's very absurd. Upon exiting the aisle, the folks who we sat next to said that they enjoyed our response to the film more than they enjoyed the film itself. Well!

Jackie and I also made a sort of buddy-promise, with pinky-promises too: Good Books. We bought snacks after the movie and walked to a very nice spot under some trees with ducks quacking in the creek behind us, sun shining, really great. Then walking back to her car I said I wanted to start bringing a notebook with me everywhere to record things that tickled me, that are positive and re-affirming (awwwwwwwww). No seriously -- cuz it's so easy to slump into a negative rut, seeing and remembering all the shit that happens, however small. So irritating. And here we've spent two hours laughing (because we have to re-enact all the absurd scenes in the movie, and screech about it) -- this momentum needs to be encouraged.

I suggested that we could do it together and she said Okay sure, we'll call it The Good Book, make our own damn Bible. YESSSSSssssss! Every day we're writing at minimum one thing. I love doing stuff like this.

My other friend Jacque made me a notebook a few years ago now. I've been waiting for the perfect thing to use it for, and this is it. Look at it:

Much cooler in person of course, and the inside front and back is done up pretty damn sweet too.

Earlier today I pieced together Summer courses....it's going to be very interesting. Two are for 8 weeks: Math, and Drawing for Media (o yay). Another, a biology (microbes) is a four-week class, offered online. Then there is a marathon Intermediate Drawing in September, one week before Fall Term begins, that runs six days, twelve hours per day (9am - 9pm). INSANE! I'm going for it!

I think :)

YES I CAN!! GO GO GO GO!!

Mon Apr 19 - Sun Apr 25

2010-04-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! Welcome to another week! And the end of a monday.

I'm a junkie. I'm addicted to making art that goes ZING. As well as bang and boom. Here is what I'd also like to do: be just as enthused about the freaking process and the so-called 'misses' and bring a wow-factor in to roost as permanent cheerleader for said Process. I want a shift in paradigm if you please. Let us make it so. To do that I think an important step is to untangle Worth and Productivity. They are discreet and yet, as you well know, regarded and regaled as inseparable.

"Artists don't get down to work

until the pain of working is exceeded

by the pain of not working."

Stephen DeStaebler

Time marches on and I have miles to go before I sleep so once again, good night and here is a WIP:

I'm definitely preferring the floor lately. There is more room and I am also preferring larger canvases.

Also, I don't understand why, when I upload a fairly large file, you cannot click on it and the browser opens up another window with the larger picture. Or is it just me? What is going on, eh?

---

tuessssday

Finished! 26 x 23"

Click right here for a biggie sized.

Our drawing instructor cancelled class today, so I used the studio for these doodles:

I talked with our Dean today about instructor absenteeisms and cutting out of class early. We will see what happens.

Math! Small victories! And on the next page a big WTF. Ah well. I will ask about that tomorrow in class, before the test. I'm so glad and astonished that the algebra I learned in high school is actually still kicking around the ol' brainpan, in the back of the dusty closet, but there nonetheless.

Wednesday,

cheater cheater, I'm blogging from memory.......what the hell happened on wednesday? I met with an advisor, told him my academic plan for the coming year, he told me about his fabulous retirement plans (he will also be a philanthropist), and he cleared me for one year's worth of advance registration. In mid-may I will be able to register for FALL TERM. SHYEAH!! On the 4th of May I'll be able to register for summer classes. I'm considering the marathon week of drawing course, did I mention that? Oh yeah, well......7 days, 12 hours a day. That sounds rather suicidal actually. If I feel mentally and emotionally hardy, I'll go for it.

Thursday,

I think this was the math test. I was cross-eyed by the finish line but I think I did awright. The great thing about learning how to solve linear equations is that you can go back and plug in your answer to see if it works. If it doesn't, well then you know you need to go back and figure out where you took a left turn.

I need to figure out a new packable lunch, I am getting sick of my rice beans salsa and guacamole bowl. All these people sitting around eating great big slices of aromatic cheesy pizza.......argh! cheese fucks me up though.

Kind of a whirlwind week.....oh yeah I met with the Dean of Art on wednesday too. He was pretty cool - the next day (thursday)

god I am just rambling whatever blah blah blah

anyway he came into drawing class to see if our dear Mr. G was in attendance and teaching us, so it was nice to observe that our Dean took my concerns to heart (he said that other students have given him similar feedback). Mr. G gave us our first full three hour class this day.

Friday. Today. for reals.

I'm not even posting any of the art I'm doing. I am going through another crisis, whilst trying to play it down and not give my doubts any undue advantage or undeserved limelight. Plus I think allergies are throwing a wrench in my system, which always messes with my emotions. I keep telling myself that I am allowed to make as much bad (uninteresting, ugly, mediocre, etc) art as I want to. It is really supremely ungodly undignified how difficult it is for me to accept that I make yucky to look at art. It's so ridiculous how much identity is snarled up in art, but it's totally normal.

there is a part of me who says, "What's the point of doing art if it's not something you want to look at? what a waste of time! you're not having fun, so just toss it all in and go be a couch potato....fuck it."

I'm reading Art and Fear, I believe I've mentioned that book a few times, and it is SO comforting. All the shit I am going through is all the shit anyone goes through and more specifically what all artists experience. I'm also reading a couple of other books I picked up at the downtown library today, on art and creativity -- more validation that while art is fun and sometimes just flows, it is also really difficult.

At least I haven't started smoking again. I did eat a gigantic bowl of popcorn late last night though. I'm going to watch something cool now. Like Spirited Away, or maybe Tekkonkinkreet (amazing japanese/american animation based on a graphic novel).

Oh alright, here - I did this bad boy with dental floss and paint (acrylic, and tempera)!

Try clicking on it for the biggie size. If that doesn't work, click here for extra big and here for big

I did some watercolors tonight; the above is a slice of one. I think tomorrow I'll mess around with cutting them up and re-assembling them into stronger pieces.

---

Saturday. All Day.

A Flat Day, In Fact. That is to say, most of the figure drawing from this morning turned out very flat and stiff. There were a few round bits. They're all in the trash, except for a few digital excerpts and this is the one I find most beguiling:

This one is kind of cool in places but it's also unsettling, confusing and a little creepy.

I worked in conté which isn't altogether unfamiliar, but I haven't worked with it for any sustained length of time or with four colors as I did here. I did tend to lose myself in the lines which was fun but also resulted in a big "huh?" factor looking on it afterwards. I did enjoy experimenting even though I don't really enjoy looking at the end results.

One of my fellow artists said, "And then there are many days when you just show up." True, true. I felt like that many times today -- I'm here, I'm not excited, but I'm here and I'm going to just draw, regardless. I almost packed up my supplies and left several times over. Learning how to stay put is a lesson I'm learning -- and knowing when to leave or end a (_______) is a lesson I'm learning too. All about the balance, grasshopper, or, as Kenny Rogers sings, "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."

Another thing I aim to develop are strategies for days like yesterday: itchy, discontent, tired, underconfident, uninspired. I'm reading several good books on art and artists (well you know, hopping around/skimming, snacking on them) and I've been reminded that if you think you need to wait for inspiration to strike in order to do art, you will be waiting a very long time, my friend. Sometimes.......you just have to show up.

I imagine doing things like prepping canvases, cutting paper for gesture drawing (I draw it off a long roll of butcher paper), or practicing very simple and rote exercises would be good strategies for coping with low-energy days. Chocolate is an option too.....

Tonight my two best gal pals came over and we used the big plate dishes I bought last summer when I moved in here for the first time - and also the tea pot. Things I bought for the event when I'd actually have company over for tea and/or a meal. It was really nice. I'm glad our schedules finally synched up -- usually I go over to their place but they wanted to come here and it worked out nicely. It was funny/cool/strange to have three bodies in this postage-stamp-sized apartment. I'm also really feeling the crunch since I've started to work bigger and want to involve myself with more than one project at a time. Maybe next year I'll find a bigger space to live and do art in.

This inspires me:

It's an installation of 308 drawings by Dean Nimmer, the author of a book I'm reading titled Art From Intuition. I totally want to do something like this. I want to appropriate a whole wall and fill it with similarly sized drawing/paintings. It's so exciting to look at. He issued a challenge to himself: to create a thousand drawings in one year. He writes of this experience:

"I quickly realized that to accomplish this goal, I was going to have to change several bad habits that had become ingrained in my painting process. Among these habits were: becoming fixated on one painting for long periods of time; trying to determine whether each piece I made was "good" before I went on to the next; sticking to the same palette or medium for too long; and holding steadfastly to the notion that my work should have a consistency or "style" that would give it an overall identity. Over the course of completing the drawings, I discovered that all the ideas I held sacred were in fact holding me back from real discovery and new possibilities for my art. I came to understand that in order to avoid these pitfalls, it was much better to allow my instincts and intuition to show me the way, and to stop being so self-conscious."

I wonder what method he used in choosing the sequence of display. Was it simply chronological, or did he remap it for more visual interest? I will try to find an email for him, and ask. He seems like a really cool guy and I like what he's written so far. A sense of adventure and willingness to experiment - very contagious :)

---

sunday..........

I finished a project today that mushroomed into something way lengthier and more involved than I had anticipated. And now I am knackered, in a good way, and I also planted beets this afternoon and went for a bike ride and cleaned the studio and said hi to friends so yeah it's a full to the brim sort of sunny sunday huzzah!

The pics are not so great, but anyways.......watercolor, recombined pieces, collaged, paint, more collage.....whew. This might count for another final project for school. Considering the time investment, I hope it fills at least a dual-purpose. I like how some of it turned out. It was a good exercise in freestyling to begin with, just painting aimlessly; and then doing something new and unplanned with it but slicing, dicing and puzzling it back together. Also helped me look at figure/ground and positive/negative space more closely, which is good since that's what we're all about in Basic Design.

Mon Apr 12 - Sun Apr 18

2010-04-12T22:15:00.001-07:00

Well hello! Would you happen to have a few extra hours I could borrow? Or actually, could you permanently lend them to me? On a daily basis? That'd be grand. Yer such a pal!!! Thanks!

I found some wicked art blogs, with tutorials and podcasts. I would like to sift through all of the information and maybe eventually I will. Maybe that is what spring break is for!

This is me tonight, after a few hours' worth of math:

Have you seen The Fantastic Mr. Fox? No? Oh for heaven's sake! You really should!

This was me this morning:

This is what I sketched:

And these were last night's efforts, which I really loved getting into!

My piece didn't make it into the Juried Show, or the Salon Des Refuses. Boo hiss! Aw wells. I'm glad I don't feel totally crushed. The Salon only housed about eight pieces. When our Downtown Salon is hosted at New Zone, any piece not chosen for the Mayor's Art Show is shuttled happily on over to the Salon. The Salon on campus is a closet-sized space, not a huge gallery. C'est la vie :)

I scored a 97% on my first math test. Thank god for confidence boosters right outta the gate!

Time to wind down soon with a nice art flick. I choose.........Pollock! It'll be good to see again even without the impetus of a class assignment to create a piece of art in the manner of said person (due in a couple weeks). Next monday, we're to hand in a collage on the theme of death, birth, or music -- or a combination of one or more. Hmmmm....

You know what? It's interesting that in the Basic Design class, we've been doing all these geometric figures (math!) (linear!) -- in another class project I saw on display today, they were charged with inventing their own 'font' with a found object dipped in ink (I think that was the gist of it). So there were these really awesome alphabets in ink, swooshed on white paper, made with the likes of, what, twigs? and stuff? I thought immediately, wow. I wish we had done that in Design. I would've rocked. I really love letters. I really don't excel in geometry. I really appreciate what other people do and I think it's so cool, but my brain isn't very agile in that area.

But then again, it's probably a good thing that I'm doing stuff that's difficult. Right? Right!

Same with the collage assignment. I love seeing what other folk have done. I'm not so great at them myself (or at least I'm not often excited about what I collage).

Check out Wangechi Mutu. Or another of hers. I mean, that is the shit, right!! Maybe I should just bare-faced copy her style. After all, I did just learn a quote (author unknown) "Good artists borrow; great artists steal". Okay you know I'm only joking around, but we all do inspire each other -- and studying and emulating is a great way to develop one's own style and skillz. My mail art pal Haddock does some pretty rockin' collage style art too, actually. Maybe I'll do something 3D.

Nighters!

____________

oooooright it's tuesday and a good thing I left this window open and bookmarked to say something before I sign off. I was just doing some math homework. In an unlikely turn of events, I'd discovered that it is sometimes a relief to do math: even though there are variables, there are strict rules and known quantities. Rules to follow and formulas to apply. Very predictable. Too much of this and I go bonkers, sure. Now if I could apply this logic to my right brain more often it'd be so damn great: learning math is learning a skill set. Learning how to draw (and see) is also learning a skill set. Sounds good, right? It's true. I still doubt my ability to form a solid drawing skill set, even though I've drawn lots of stuff.....and some stuff I like.

And of course I love art precisely because it is unpredictable. I also feel a bit hedgy with it sometimes, too. You know.

I know an art instructor up on campus, through a former co-worker at the library. John's wife Carrie teaches drawing and we saw each other today, which is always a pleasure. I'm considering repeating ART 131 this summer and attending her course. I like what she says, how she says it, and I think I could learn a lot from her. She gave me her syllabus this afternoon because conversation turned to expectations and art (surprise). Her course outline is much different than Mr. G's (the dude I'm taking intro drawing from this term).

On Carrie's syllabus are Some Rules and Hints For Students and Teachers by John Cage. I'll give you the first few and save some for next time:

Rule 1: Find a place you trust and then, try trusting it for awhile.

Rule 2: General duties of a student - Pull everything out of your teacher. Pull everything out of your fellow students.

Rule 3: General duties of a teacher - Pull everything out of your students.

Rule 4: Consider everything an experiment.

Rule 5: Be self-disciplined. This means finding someone wise or smart and choosing to follow them. To be disciplined is to follow in a good way. To be self-disciplined is to follow in a better way.

YAY AND HALLELUJAH!! It's everything I've always wanted and aspired to!

Tomorrow I meet with an academic advisor to make a two-year plan and be approved for Advanced Registration. OOH YEAH!!

----
Wednesday!

Feel so much better after scrubbing around with some charcoal and throwing some new experimental skillz in the mix today. I like it and I see oodles more I can do with it but the bottom line is, I'm so glad I did something that deviates from the still-life stuff but employs some of the things we're learning in Drawing. My drawing session today has definitely put some positive reverbs in the stratosphere (or, my stratosphere...).

I'm strongly considering writing a letter to the art department requesting that instructors use different approaches to encourage students, and cut some of the shit out that is going on. To be quite frank, I'm displeased and really surprised by how every single art instructor turns art into a competitive arena:

"We're gonna kick the intermediate classes' ass!"
"Here are some examples from another class for this assignment.....but I'm sure your work will far surpass it."

I am not kidding you, I shit you not. What is the deal? I know I've been out of academia for a good long while, and maybe that's a moot point anyway. Maybe that kind of attitude doesn't bug most people. I think that elevating one person or group at the expense of someone else sucks rotten eggs though. Especially when it comes to creative efforts. I also don't advocate that my personal trajectory, pace, rate of discovery or quality of production should be measured against anyone else but me. What a strange way to teach classes.

Math class was actually quite fun tonight!

It's already past ten, math homework awaits, and so it's a short post.

----

thursday.

That's a wrap.

I'm feeling discouraged today. tonight. now. ugh.

---

Friday!

"If you want to be an artist, it's not by having original ideas,

but by working your way through it."

Willem de Kooning

I'm reading a pocket-sized book on the Essentials of that guy. So far I am loving it. I'm also watching Pollock, which is by turns breathtaking and heart-wrenching. Goddamned artists! Bunch of drama queens! heh heh

Sooo last night after being bleary-eyed and searching through magazines for images to collage with for an upcoming assignment for Intro to Visual Art, I just about gave up. But then I remembered something I read in Art and Fear: "The point is that you learn how to make your work by making your work, and a great many pieces you make along the way will never stand out as finished art."

Sooo even though I was bleary-eyed I decided to just make my work. I started pushing paint around, and painting some sumi-paper, and collaging. Then I went to bed and cried. And then told myself some nice things about The Pain and The Process and On Being a Drama Queen. This morning I woke up, skipped breakfast, the dishes, brushing my teeth, emails, and painted this some more in between loads of laundry and the sun warming the land:

Thank god I have wide hips for birthing these big-ass breach babies! Huzzah! Yes I am inspired by Abstract Expressionism. Taking no pains to bury the strokes and in fact placing high importance on the visible working of a canvas and paint. I like this one!

Then I spent more hours making my work. I'll use this one for the upcoming assignment on collage and save the above for the assignment in which we are asked to create something in the manner of Pollock. So this thing here was a big long process. I'm laughing my ass off now, because it is such a minimalist sort of thing, you think maybe an hour to do it. But I was totally in the dark, in an unfamiliar room, and it took me forever to find the damn light switch! But, I like this one too. Then I went for a bike ride and grocery shopping.

Part of The Process was searching the internet for examples and inspiration. I really admire a good collage/artist. It's a thing I've not spent much time with, but I would really like to. So this exercise was invaluable. I discovered Romare Bearden. A. Maze. Ing.

Sooo the other night I felt really discouraged, if you'll recall. I certainly do. I'm expecting more of my instructors and they're falling short of the mark. Mr. G lets us out early......every day. 20 minutes, half hour, an hour. I've stopped by his room during office hours for help with critique on my work and he's not in; I've called his non-office number and it doesn't work. He sets us up with a still life and leaves. Then he cuts class and vacates campus. It's ridiculous and I'm pissed off. I'm enrolled in college. I'm enrolled because I'm here to learn, not try to get out of class or slide by. Just as we are accountable to our instructors, the reverse is certainly true.

I talked with Carrie, who I know a bit - she's a drawing instructor. She said that it's a good thing I'm not doing an IS with Mr. G (Independent Study) -- it's three weeks into the term and those students haven't been able to reach the dude either. Fucking bullshit! She encouraged me to write a letter to the department director. This really bites, I mean......c'mon, man.......I just want direction, and learning, and guidance. I don't wanna babysit or start some pissing war you know. Blah. But I'll talk with the director.

Also, I am going to suggest that instructors cut the language of competition - if I haven't mentioned that already in a post? I've been ranting about it in my head enough, can't recall if I've spewed it onto the virtual page yet. So all three of my art instructors are focused on it in various ways and oh yes now I do remember saying something about this a couple few days ago.

Stir it up!!

---

Saturday. ! ? .

How did I end up on the floor by the door making that gyre-y supernova cave painting collage the other night?! Feels like years ago. But.....why was I on the floor? I started on the table, and then......yes, the floor. Huh.

Have you heard of Halie Loren? Have you heard her sing? Oh my golly. Went with some friends to her concert tonight. Beyond phenomenal, and all of the the musicians, quite an ensemble. And I WON A CD! Jazzy stuff without all the noise. Sultry stuff. Fun stuff!

I love that these illos are drawn by Britt, who is a girl! If Ralph Steadman was female....

Our model this morning wore dreads and posed as Pan, The Thinker, Pilates Person and Tai Chi Practitioner. Cute.

So there was this epiphany that visited me earlier but now it's gone. I hope it returns.

---

Sunday.

An absolutely gorgeous day. Warm, sunny. Made a great mess inside, doing a personalized alphabet project from another Basic Design class. Well, hey. Our instructor cancelled class on thursday so I had some extra time.....plus this is right up my alley: mixing language and art! Five found objects, making marks, finding letters or reassembling the marks to represent a letter. And then making up my own (palindromic N!). Really fun time with this today, windows open and messing about.

I'm having a hard time figuring out the new blogger formatting so bear with me. I want to insert some text above but it's turning into HTML. So I'm skipping to the end here.......The two charcoals are from saturday morning's figure drawing (the taibo/tai chi model, right). Meh, okay, learning learning.

The aforementioned and forgotten epiphany? It has something to do with struggle and submission. And stepping out of my own way and, as corny as this sounds I can't believe I'm saying it.....being of service to something greater than myself, or My Ego. I guess a healthy ego is a nice thing to have hanging around, but the ego I'm talking about insists on trying to control everything you know? And it's not working out for the rest of me and doing art. So during the concert last night while contemplating how people develop their craft and passion, I thought maybe I should just....submit and stop trying so hard. The harder I try, the worse I feel. I think the harder I try, the better I'll be at my craft, or whatever, but the trying I'm talking about isn't productive. It's recursive and frantic.

Once again it's late and I'm fading, dammit! Need to do some math still, so, until next time, adieu for the nonce.