Monday, April 18, 2011

Holy Crumb!!

I left y'all hanging! Here we are, in the genesis of the fourth week of.....spring term...WHAT?! Already??

I pulled a B+ in that pre-calculus class. To say I'm overjoyed would be a hyperbolic understatement. And that I pulled that grade because Teacher grades on a curve.......well that tells you how difficult the course was (and/or how the majority of our class weren't math heads). So, that's done with. I keep finding evidence that it was real, like notes on asymptotic behavior and logarithms, and I just chuck them in the recycling bin and say a Hail Mary Thank You I don't have to churn through THAT material any more.

This term there is actually time enough for me to go to the saturday open studio figure drawing session (three hours! live model! free!). So into that!! Here's a 30 second gesture of Charles aka BlackBolt. I love that I could capture the motion......that gesture!

I'm doing Independent Study Printmaking again

And working on a new piece, a multi-block (five of 'em!! woo!).

Independent Study Painting/Drawing is the one I could fill a zoo with in terms of Process Notes. Tonight I feel the usual amalgam of trepidation, excitement, inspiration, doubt, aversion, desire, and optimism about art. More specifically, about my ability. Even more specifically.....about my ability to sustain an open heart and mind when I draw, paint, doodle, carve, or whatever. I approach and back off; I recommit myself to process over product; I re-affirm my intention to slow down and pay attention to not only what I am learning but how I am talking to myself; I re-evaluate why I am doing art; I re-orient towards befriending myself.

Here are a couple of examples, with cut and pasted text from my flickr account, in the interest of time because I really need to put in some carving so I can do a first print run in the studio tomorrow AND I promised myself I would bed down at a reasonable hour (read: before freaking midnight!)

At my instructor's behest, I am doing shorter-timed painting on paper. Studies. And still.....I regularly re-position myself to painting with velocity and firm intention (rather than noodling around so much).

the title also refers to what happened with me last night when I painted this: different aspects of me/my personality seemed alien to each other. I related this intense and disheartening struggle to my friend Yona and she reminded me of something really important: how my left hemisphere is bleating and my right hemisphere is praising.
So my left brain is saying, 'this is fucked up, it's dumb, you're not a real artist, you can't paint worth beans' and my right brain is saying, 'this is a perfect painting! it expresses my state of mind and look how many transformations it's gone through and look at this part here it's beautiful and......' "
We were talking about why we make art and I said tonight I was seriously questioning myself, and why am I doing this again? Is it to for the approval, the praise? Is it for discovering something? Translating something? Is it simply the act of creating? Well it's all of those things but I was pretty invested in 'getting it right' last night and Progressing and proving myself as an artist.
Yona said that one of the best and greatest reasons she does art is so that the left and right brain can communicate, and do it effectively, and not be at odds with each other so often.
Right on, Yona. I'm taking all that to heart.
acrylic, gesso, charcoal on paper
15 x 22"


ps - math is still difficult but far less this term and way fewer hours spent doing homework overall! 

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