Tuesday, October 27, 2009

cor blimey! gadzooks.

The wind blew in from the north and it is CHILLY HERE today. I rode home in the sideways rain with the wind funneling down the river and into my right ear canal (time to find the winter headband). yeah and thank god someone invented gore-tex!!!

I am wound up tighter than a psycho in a straight jacket hoh mah gawd. This morning I drank tea. Simple Earl Grey. And I was off like a flaming rocket - POW. Wh-wh-what in t-t-tarNATION. Bzzzzzwwwwirrrrrrroooowwwwwshitbang! Good thing I had places to go and people to see; the bike ride helped me burn all the spastic off.

Until I found out that I have been LIED TO as a consumer! No, look, okay? I have been back on the meds for a month - vitamins. Faithful, every day, multis and a magnesium calcium zinc combo. Today I find out that magnesium and calcium inhibit each other when taken simultaneously. Dammit! There are warnings on cigarettes, and alcohol, and even cheese nowadays ("no soy no wheat no gluten low sodium low carb high fiber free range RGBH/THC free). Why in all hells can there not be a regulation that stipulates what science - not New Age hummy gummy theory - has proven:

Calcium and magnesium are not to be taken together. Or you're wasting your money.

Oh right! It's about money! Pharmaceutical companies, I have heard, are less than forthright and more than happy to lighten your piggy bank.

Also, another well-placed caveat upon the vitamin label might prove useful to the uninitiated: magnesium (citrate) has a reputation for giving humans the shits. Actually that could be a boon for some, and could instead be placed on the front of the bottle with a big bright sticker and lots of exclamation points!! bonus!!

So the reasons are twofold, why I drew this self-portrait tonight, in light of the day's double-whammy:

Now what. I need to go buy fifteen different bottles of vitamin and set my alarm at specific intervals for a reminder to pop the pills individually, so as to ensure that my vitamins don't mix at cross-purposes. Ridicule-less.

The good news:

According to a well-respected local medicine man medical doctor, it doesn't matter if you buy your vitamins from a dollar bin at the Cash King, or if you shell out fifteen clams for one bottle at your locally owned and operated apothecary, run by staff well-versed in all their products and how you might correct your ailments with herbs de provence, cat'o'nine tails, or a scooperful of kombucha.

Loo loo loony!

I need to go take a lude. I shall Google 'lude - vitamin' and see if there is anything in my DIY apothecary that fits the bill.

All right, fellow simians....near and far....short and long (in India, they say 'long' instead of 'tall').....keep living the dream!

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